Friday, December 28, 2018

RH3 #1009 New Years Hash!!

A wise man once told me, “There’s nothing more fun than making a good bad decision.” 

Wait, that was Foot that told me that... and he wasn’t wise, just drunk. 

Oh well, all the same. Join three of our bims; Beulah, Suckie, and Hot Off the Presses for the NYD Hash to get your hungover, shaking, hallucinating self back to where it was just hours before when you rang in the New Year like the rockstar hasher you are.

When: January 1 @ Noon
Where: Reading City Park
Hares: Beulah Ballbreaker, Suckie Sucker, and Hot Off the Press
Hash Cash- $7

If there’s anything else that I forgot, it’ll be up in a day or so 😊🖕🏼

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

RH3 # 1008 The Day Before the Day Before Baby Jesus Was Born

Like the last one... I'm hustling to get shit done here people, so don't expect anything clever for this write up... and Foot is haring so don't expect anything clever for trail either!! Actually, unlike the Virgin Mary, we'll be popping Just Liz's trail laying cherry, so be there ya fucks!!

RH3 # 1008 The Day Before the Day Before Baby Jesus Was Born
Sunday December 23 at 2PM
40.255989,-75.724749 (parking lot between lanes of 422 in Douglasville... near Douglasville Hotel)
Hash Cash: $7
Pre: TBA
RH3 #1007 Boilo Hash

Sorry you wanks, it's a busy time of the year and I don't have time to get creative with this write-up... nor do I think I need to because who wouldn't want to cum drink free boilo? So here it is...

RH3 #1007 Boilo Hash
December 19th @ 6:15PM
Mikes Tavern
$2 Hash Cash

Bring some boilo, bring a headlamp, and bring a bit of cash and an ID on trail (I think). 

See you tomorrow beotches!!

Monday, December 3, 2018

RH3 #1006 Santa Fucks the Hash

It’s that time of the year again. Pull down your pants, bend over, and get ready to take it from the jolly old guy’s grumpy miniature fill in... NFB! He’ll be leading us halfminds, dressed in our gayest holiday attire, through the slums of Reading and/or the hobo camps of Mount Penn to spread the cheer and drink some beer 🍻 Don’t forget to bring a gift, gayly wrapped and preferably naughty, for Santa to hand out to another halfmind at the post run festivities! We’re still waiting for the deats from the racist little guy, but at least put it in your calendar because you don’t want to miss it!! On On ya fucks!!

When: Saturday December 15th @ 2PM
Where: TBD, but somewhere in Reading
Hare: NFB
Hash Cash: $20
Pre: TBD

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

RH3 #1005 It's Always Sunny in Exeter

With a trail name like that, it's obvious who's responsible for this trail... ToeFu the "bringer of rain". He's paired up with FudgePacker to try to lay a trail that we can actually find this time... maybe it's the same trail starting from the first beer stop that nobody but Girlie ever found the last time. At any rate, bring a dry bag, poncho, galoshes, or flotation device because it'll most likely be wet. Bims... bring your extra flotation devices for any of us that don't have any!!

When: Sunday December 2 @ 2PM

On On: Trout Run Lot (take the upper section of Neversink Rd to get there... RR underpass is still closed)

Hash Cash: $5

Dry Bags (definitley)

PRE: Liberty

ON ON ya fucks!!

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

RH3 #1004 The Pretryptophan Hash

OK fuckers, we all know that Turkey Day will soon be upon us and that means eating too much and feeling like shit. In preparation for that, why not come out and do a little exercise to burn off a few of those extra calories... even if that exercise is just curling 16 ounce reducers! Gone Colioni and Cougar Bait are providing you the Pre-tryptophan hash with a live trail, turkey/eagle options, and of course…cold beer! Get your asses to the Brentwood parking lot at 2PM. Hope to see you all in your Sunday best! On On Biotches!!

When: Sunday November 18th @ 2PM

Where: Brentwood Lot

Hash Cash: $5

Pre: California Bar & Grill

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

RH3 #1003: Flash - The Stupidly Bad Hash... a float in November?! No you dumb fucks, it’s a flashlight hash!

Two of RH3’s seniors are cumming out of retirement to treat us to some hashing through the mountainous woods of Mohnton... in the dark. As you all know we don’t pride ourselves on our stellar mental capabilities, so here’s the first of several reminders... BRING A HEADLAMP OR FLASHLIGHT!! Here’s the deats...

RH3 #1003: The Flash

-Sunday November 4, 5:30PM
79 Yorkshire Rd, Mohnton
-Hares: Bad Semen & Stupid Brother
Hash Cash: I was told $5-$7, so bring $7 and maybe you’ll get a day of discount!!

Prelube: Paolo’s Restaurant & Bar

Monday, October 15, 2018

RH3 #1002 The Squat-O-Ween Hash: A Reading Hash in a Keystone Costume

RH3 #1002 The Squat-O-Ween Hash: A Reading Hash in a Keystone Costume

Everyone knows that Sir Squats A Lot is a Reading Hasher even though she identifies as Keystone during introductions. When she signed up to hare, but left it up to us to name it, we thought this was appropriate. In addition, she actually started with us fun loving RH3ers, but has never hared a Reading trail and was named by LVH3... So join us to break her Reading haring hymen. Who knows, maybe she'll get a proper RH3 naming too!

Oh yeah, costumes aren't mandatory, but are strongly encouraged.

When: Sunday October 28th, 2 PM
Where: 300 Cocalico St, Ephrata, Pa 17522
Who: Sir Squats A Lot - LIVE!! ( Go Squats!! )
Hash Cash: $7
Prelube: Black Forest Brewing

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

RH3 Social: One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer

RH3 Social: One Bourbon... One Scotch... One Beer!!

We have GingerSnatch, Phone Erection, and good ole John Lee Hooker to thank for this one. There’ll be lots of options for this one, so bring some running shoes, a bike, or maybe just money for an uber to get yourself from one drinking location to the next. There’ll be more logistical details to follow on this one as you’ll be starting the drinking pilgrimage at Ginger’s house in Wernersville and finishing it at Phone Erection’s in Shillington... oh yeah, bring $10, some dessert to share at the end, and a liver that’s primed and ready to go!!

Monday, September 24, 2018


OK folks, stick me with a fork...I'm done. Cum one, cum all to the Annual General Meeting (which is neither annual nor general) to decide the fate of the kennel.
Where: Esposito's Restaurant, 1540 Friedensburg Rd., Mt. Penn
When: Tues, October 2, 6:15
What to wear: This is a hash formal event. Gentlemen may be refused service if they present in other than a kilt or coat and tails. Ladies....slutty is a prerequisite. There may be an award for the female who causes the exiting GM to pitch the biggest puptent...
What to bring: a liver (assuming you can rent one) and lot's of cash. Event cash will be $10. Following the voting of the next GM and mismanagement team and presentation of awards, a charity auction will be held and it is not necessary to bid in order to win. Cum buy back those sneakers you left in my SUV.
Hasta La Vista, Bitches!!

Thursday, September 13, 2018

RH3 #1000 The 34DD Campout!!

Sept. 22-23,  11AM sign in
1540 Mountain Ave, Hamburg, PA 19526, United States

What is in a name….well in this one, a whole shit of a bunch! The Reading Hash House Harriers have a long and storied tradition of being incredibly creative with their trail names for milestone events. The 20 Grand Masters (1 For Every 50 Trails in RH3 history) who have inspired the ignorant over the last 30some years, have had such memorable names for big events…#100, #250, #500, #750...I know, these old fucks really worked hard at that shit!

In the “New Era” (Post #850) with the dawn of social media and mass advertising, we are finally cumming into our own! I know you’re asking at some point “Are you going to fucking tell me what “34 DD” means, besides a nice pair of breasts’s???

Ok we are celebrating 3 big fucking events here all wrapped into 1 great weekend…

1: The 50th and final trail in the RAIN of Toe FU..our All-Knowing, Well-Grammared, Weather-Summoning, Dog Collar-Wielding, Kinder & Gentler Grand Master!
2: The 34th Birthday and Analversary of RH3!
3: AND Our 1000th Trail as a Kennel (The math was independently checked... we are dead on!)

I = 1, V = 5, X = 10, L = 50, C = 100, D = 500, M =1000
34 = The Years we have been Hashing
DD = (500+500=1000) Our 1000th Trail as a Kennel
(Why not use an M? There are no M Bra sizes….again, we checked)
I GIVE YOU…….“34DD”!!!

Well…..we like it! By this point you’re ready to find out some goddam info! As the title reads, this is not just a trail, it’s a CAMPOUT!! The Olivet Blue Mountain Camp in Hamburg, PA will be our host and we have the HOLE place to ourselves! There will be a cap on this event at 150 degenerates. The 1st 100 of you get a guaranteed bunk if you so wish, the other 50 will be camping. We have a main cabin and some out cabins. Don’t ask... we’ll stick you wherever we please! Unlike last year’s tent-o-cold water and perky nipples...and a muddy Slip N Slide...we actually have shower facilities for all this year! 

We will update this with a more detailed agenda as we get closer, but here is the down and dirty on what you get for your $80. Check in will be Saturday at 11AM, Collect your Complimentary Hab and Toe Tag. (So when a bear comes down off the Appalachian trail and eats you, we can comb his shit to see who you were) Beer and some hash protein will start to flow at that time as well. Turkey & Eagle trails will be run FROM CAMP somewhere around 2PM. Hamms aflowing still.!! A catered dinner around 6pm, Bonfire Around 7, DJ around 8pm, and a Midnight Naked Trail at 11?? And you know….other shit sprinkled in.

If that was not enough to cover your $80...when you awake from your cozy bunk, covered in who knows what, by who knows who... we will be serving a full cooked breakfast...assuming some of us are sober enough to cook. A Fatboy trail will follow, around 9:30, and then it's Hasta La Vista, Bitches!! Camp must be empty by noon. 

Some extra bit’s….If you’re not one of the 1st 100 to Rego or wish to camp, a normal tent will do. If you’re in the 100, bring a sleeping bag or sheets and a pillow, dumb ass. If you want to bring some type of RV thingy to sleep in, give us a yell. We will do what we can. “What if I can’t make the whole event?” We don't care... pay your Rego and come and go as you please. NO FIREWORKS, NO DOGS…. cuz trees burn and stepping in dogshit sucks. 

PS: Since we are moving our traditional analversary trail for this event, there will be a Bookends Piss Up Hash Friday 9/21, 6:15, from that place where it all began, Reading Blvd. & Plymouth Place, Wyomissing. Crash Space on you..

We are very close with our surrounding hashers & kennels (some closer that we are comfortable with). We look forward to celebrating our Birthday, The end of a Great Reign by ToeFU, our 1000th trail, and all the GMs that got us here, with everyone. Sign the fuck up and Lets drink Bitches!!!


(Spelling and Grammar, selectively altered by ToeFU)

Monday, September 10, 2018

RH3 #999 The Bookends Hash

This year, our Anniversary Hash is being incorporated into the 34DD Campout, an event recognizing not only the 34th year of our kennel's existence, but our 1000th trail and my 50th and final trail as GM. But being the traditionalists we just didn't seem right not to hash at the place where it all began for RH3. So the hares that graciously laid my first trail agreed to hare a "bookends hash" the night before my reign ends, at that oh so sacred spot...Reading Blvd. and Plymouth Place.

Hares: Sucky Sucker, Choo Choo and Horn of Plenty (SuChoHo)

On On: Fri. 9/21, 6:00, Reading Blvd. & Plymouth Place

Hash Cash: $7

Prelube: Barley Mow

Word has it that our Founding Father may stop by and impart a few words of wisdom.

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

RH3 #998 The Family Hash

Back by popular demand.....The Family Hash!!
Hares: Foot Fairly, Fudgepacker and ToeFU will whisk your little ones away on a whimsical scamper through the woodlands of Mt. Penn.
On On: Egelman Park, 2167ish Hill Rd, 9/9, "Juicebox" Prelube 1:00, Circle 2:00.
Hash Cash: $5/ a covered dish.
As always, songs and such will be age-appropriate. After trail, stick around for burgers, etc. Adult beverages will, of course, be available...

Tuesday, August 7, 2018

RH3 #997 Lucifer On Wheels

Our last BASH (bike hash) was such a rousing success, we decided to have another!! Only this time, our host will be Beelzebub himself...

Demonic servants: Ducky, Partial Erection and Shrinkage
On On: Breneman Park, 2914 Reedy Rd., 8/27, 6:15
Prelube: Tavern on Penn
Hash Cash: $6.66 + your soul  
Mephistopheles commands you to wear a helmet ......

RH3 #996 Jorts for Djibouti

So, where is Djibouti and do they really wear jorts there?? Inquiring minds want to...oh look, they have beer!!
Join hares Optopussy, Hot for Teacher and Inuendo (not a bad ass among em') for this denim inspired romp about West Reading..or thereabouts...
On On: 305 N. Park Rd, Wyomissing (Park in the VF lot waaaay in the back), 8/19, 2:00
Prelube: Barley Mow
Hash Cash: $7
We expect your Jorts (jean shorts) to ALMOST cover your Djibouti. Let's get cheeky, RH3!!!

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

RH3 #995 The Totally Legal Hash

The kennel's legal counsel has decided to treat us all to a trail. 
On On: On the advice of our attorney, I can now confirm it’s the lot behind Big Lots, 5th St Highway (40°23'01.0"N 75°55'30.5"W for you techno nerds), 8/6, 6:15
Prelube: Shirley’s Tequila Bar
Hash Cash: $6

I rest my case...

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

RH3 #994 Float Hash (FLASH)

Hares Crack, Cougar and Breaststroaker have once again cum up with a trail that’ll get you nice and wet.

On On: 321 N. Furnace St. Birdsboro (back lot), 7/22, 11:30

Prelube: Island Pizza, 10:30

Hash Cash: $5 covers Circle beer and apres food. Bring cash for apres beverages.

Also bring a flotation device unless you’re a great swimmer. Hares will transport it to the put in point on the river.

Thursday, July 5, 2018

RH3 #993 The Bash

It's back again...the Bash!! Hares NFB and Foot Fairy promise a "mostly urban" route, suitable for mountain, hybrid or cross bikes.
On On: Canal Street Pub, 7/9, 6:00
Hash Cash: $1, but bring money for later because beers are on you.
Pre-Lube: Oh, just drink there...
There will be a 100' restraining order between my vehicle and Teen Beat!!

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

RH3 #992 America, What a Country!!

Ok, Fellow Americans...this is it! The ultimate way to show your patriotism...AND get your drink on, all before 6AM!!

Hares ToeFU, Foot Fairy, Flaming Asshole and Decoitus Interruptus have once again assembled a scenic, invigorating and downright fun romp in the nether regions of Mt. Penn.

On On: William Penn Firetower, 361 Skyline Dr., Reading, 7/4, 5:39AM (Stop whining...we'll be up way before you will!!)

Hash Cash: $20 (and worth every penny)

Prelube: Firetower, 5ish. Excogi is promising bagels and mimosas. We'll see what happens. She DID bail on the boob check last trail...

Let's all fly our flags proudly!!!

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

RH3 #991 Who's Your Daddy?

Join hares Decoy & Hogrider, with a special appearance by Mantits, as they attempt to answer that age old question “Who’s Your Daddy??”.

On On: Robesonia Springs Car Wash (park at the school, drink at the car wash)
4 Hyneman Ln, Robesonia, PA 19551, 6/18, 6:15
Prelube: Paradise by the Slice

Hash cash: $7

Paternity tests will be available for a nominal fee...

Monday, June 4, 2018

RH3 #990 The June 11th Hash

In the spirit of getting back to our roots (The first hashes were on Monday nights...), hares Crack, Cougar and Casting Couch have pooled their collective creative juices to cum up with...
"The June 11th Hash!!"
On On: Woodland Rd, Reading (The now closed Tilted Kilt lot), 6/11, 6:15
Prelube: On the Border
Hash Cash: $6
Let's luv us some Monday nite trail!!!

Sunday, May 27, 2018

RH3 #989 Why the Hell do We Have to Name Every Hash?!

Blame it on Social Media...Fake News...or just a short attention span. We like trails with a theme (well, most of us...) So, this theme will be "why do we always need a theme?". It may rankle a few old timers...but that's kinda fun too...
Join our hash horn Cougar Bait, et al. for what is sure to be a balls out adventure.
On On: parking lot at Cabela's in Hamburg (highly technical map cumming shortly), 6/3, 1:00
Prelube: Pappy T's (it's just across the highway)
Hash cash: $7
This one probably ain't gonna be pretty...but I'm sure it'll make for some great stories!!

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

RH3 #988 Kegs and Eggs

After their eggcellent trail last Memorial Day weekend, we were eggstatic when Foot Fairy and Crack decided to eggstend their event to another year.

On On: Liberty Taproom, 237 N. Prospect Ave., Reading, 5/26, Sometime after 9...

Hash Cash: $7

Prelube: Liberty Taproom 9:00

Trail: A-B  (Liberty to Sofrito's)

An eggtravagant way to kick off your holiday weekend!

Monday, May 14, 2018

RH3 # 987 Whores N More

Dances With Whores takes us on his anal solo foray around the wilds of Oakbrook. 

On On: Schlegel Park pool, 100 E. Wyomissing Blvd, Rdg, PA, 19611, 5/21, 6:09PM

Hash Cash: $7

Prelube: Oakbrook Brewing

Cum see what this wizened wanker has in store for us...

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

RH3 #986 Red Dress Hash

Ok, Halfminds.... this is your opportunity to do something special for something very close to all our hearts.....


This year’s Red Dress Hash will benefit The Breast Cancer Support Services of Berks County.

Hares: Hotlips, BreastStroaker and Swamp

On On: The North End Rod and Gun Club (The DIPS), 2010 Fairmont Ave, Reading, 5/12, 2:00

Hash Cash: $20 (just shut up and pay it!)

PreLube: Mari’s 6 Pak N More

Halfmind Explanation: Ok....focus!!! This is a charity event, so your $20 gets you a fanfuckingtastic trail as well as primo beer and grub at the apres. As usual, there will be a charity auction. Drink heavily, bid stupidly (AC/DC left some big shoes to fill) We NEED items and/or services for auction. Gently used sex toys and personal........ahem... ”relaxation techniques” (with a doctor’s note) are encouraged.

In addition, a famous local artist has designed a pair of
breast-supportive (bra?) shiggy socks SPECIFICALLY for purchase at this event. Rest assured that the $15 you spring for a pair of these babies will spare you from years of ridicule and abuse.

Beer....Boobies....Benevolence. There is NO higher calling...

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

RH3 #985 Cunto de Mayo

Hey, I didn't name it...they did!

Join hares Bushwacker, ExCoGi, Gets Paid for Oral and Just Kate on this taco-inspired trail.

On On: Mt. Penn Firetower, 5/6, 2:00

Hash Cash: $7

Prelube: Liberty Taproom

I have a feeling it's gonna take a lot of tequila to get the taste of this one out of your mouth...