RH3 #1150: Opto’s 50th!
On a beautiful September Saturday, there’s no better place to celebrate or Grand Fine’Ass than the parking lot of a sex toy shop! The half minds gathered in front of Excitement Video to begin the celebration of Opto’s final trail as GM. After the customary introductions, the pack was off!
Across Lancaster Pike we went, into the neighborhood. We wound down through the townhouse neighborhood that has heard our screams so many times over the years. Into the parking lot of the former Pathmark and Rickel’s and behind KFC and Dunkin’ to the rear side of Gallen, for our first beer check of the day.
As we enjoyed libations, our esteemed GM needed some time to head out and lay portion of the trail live. After providing the appropriate amount of time, off the pack went. Immediately, some of the pack went across Lancaster Pike looking for trail. As the large pack headed out into the street, the lights and sirens of one of Berks County’s finest could be heard. Was the pack going to encounter police troubles on Opto’s final trail? Alas, the kind officer turned the vehicle across traffic with the lights activated to allow everyone to cross.
Yours truly, and a few other half minds never crossed the road, instead finding trail along the side of AutoZone. As we yelled “On-On!”, the rest of the pack was caught in the hoopla of the police escort, and did not immediately see where trail went. It didn’t take long for our group of FRBs to get totally lost, as we were unable to find marks, as we scoured the neighborhood, before finally someone discovered marks as the road crossers finally caught up.
On through Shillington we would wind, down alleys and across neighborhoods, as we found our next BN at Opto and Men-a-Nite’s new abode. More delicious Hamm’s was enjoyed, the handle on the new homeowners’ toilet was broken, and off we were!
On out into the Wyomissing Park, through the evergreens and out past the Highlands. Pavement pounding continued, as we ended up behind Domino’s and the former K-Mart shopping center, finding trail and a shot stop in the trees leading to the neighborhood.
After a quick stop, off we went through the pavement once again, through neighborhoods, up hills, down hills. The pack became very strung out as we reached our final destination, the HHH at Fawn Hill Hop Yard. Songs were sung, Just Brittni became The Enabler and the celebration of Optopussy commenced!
On-On!
Peeter On A Skeeter
RH3 #1149.69 The Bookends Bash
2 dozen or so wheeled crusaders gathered by the Antietam pool Monday Sept. 9 for a combination of 2 great events…the second last hash of Opto’s reign and hashing on bicycles (what could go wrong??). Our hares for the event were Foot Fairy and Schmamazon Prime.
Circle commenced, the usual marks reviewed and off we rode. For the most part, we followed Foot’s suggestion to stay together. Riding thru the trailer park, then up to and crossing Butter Lane, we entered the gated off trail leading up to the ridgeline. It seemed doubtful trail would go there, having been chased off by the owner last time we ventured that way. But there were no other marks…or were there? The homeowner on the opposite corner finally fessed up…admitting he may have “inadvertently” leaf blown the check away. Ahhh!
Down Butter Lane we went, weaving thru neighborhood streets until a check divided the pack. Circling…circling…. Wait, where did Too Mennonite (2 Men a Nite??) go? SN!! We gathered in Brother Prime’s backyard for a refreshing round of apple pie moonshine, pink Schimonade and chicken cock! Meanwhile, Opto appeared smirking. Turns out she’d stumbled into the next BN, a mere block or so away. We popped over to Momma Prime’s (family affair theme apparent?) for beer chasers. Momma even encouraged us to get loud and annoy the neighbors…a concept completely foreign to us.
Back on our trusty steeds we headed upward toward the viaduct. Hmmm, who else do we know around Carsonia Avenue. Yup, you guessed it. Foot’s Rents. They gracious allowed us to stumble into their backyard from the alley/trail above for more golden deliciousness. Then, the death defying descent down their front steps, bikes in hand. Again, no one died. At the point, the group split, with half of us preferring the straight shot down Carsonia back to the pool while Foot showed the rest of the group some of his favorite alleys from childhood. Everyone made it back to the start intact. Well, except for Decoy, who evidently got lost 5 minutes into trail and said “fuck it”.
End circle was somewhat subdued except for the multiple penalty beers administered to Just Big Jim for serial hash infractions. Then off to Casa FootSchmim for more beers, pizza and lotsa salty crunchy shit. Alls well that ends well. Hope Just Brooke made it back to Fork and Ale alive…
On On,
ToeFU
RH3 #1149 “What goes up, must cum down” Hash
On a wonderfully warm Monday Night, we gathered in the South Mountain Park Parking Lot in scenic Wernersville-adjacent for a meeting of the half-minds. We were met with our hares Cougar Bait and Just Karla, along with some cold PBRs and some John Dalys. (Dalies?). After a brief chalk talk to go over the marks and Cougar Bait pleading us to respect the private property we were going to experience at a Shot Stop, off our hares went to live lay this adventure.
After giving our hares adequate time, off the pack went, out onto Hill Rd. Quickly coming to an intersection with options well marked up hill, the FRBs went out searching for trail, and considering the name of the trail, it seemed like we were going up. Alas, after some time searching the steepest hill, we found trail on the low ground to take the longer way around the hill. Up we went towards the orchards, and up Cushion Peak Rd.
A short distance up Cushion Peak Rd, we made a hard left, into the woods. A steady climb through the woods led us to a vertical rock climb right up the front of Cushion Peak. After a tedious rock climb, we arrived at the top of the Peak, met by one of our hares with some delicious John Dalys for everyone as we caught our breath, cooled off a bit and enjoyed a view of Berks County clear to the Pagoda.
As we wrapped up at the beverage stop, our hare pointed us down the back of the hill, telling us to follow trail to Cushion Peak Rd. It didn’t take long to lose trail, as our hares lightly floured the trail to go undetected on the camp grounds. After some confusion, and some exploring in what we thought was the right direction, we stumbled upon a check and realized we were pretty close to trail.
As we headed down Grandview Blvd, we came upon the Shot Stop at the private location our hares warned us about. A wonderful, old meat locker just off the road. Stone walls, with the locker built right into the side of the hill. A relic of a time gone by.
From there, we continued down the mountain, coming through the woods and down into the park to the H’s. We circled in the old retaining pond/skating rink (for some privacy, of course) for our accusations, our songs and our down downs.
To Paradise By The Slice we went for the apres, where our hare, Just Karla became known as Pitty Titty!!
On-On,
Peeter on a Skeeter
RH3 #1146 4th of July Hash
Ahhh yes. Independence Day. 4th of July Hash, which, coincidentally, takes place on July 4th. Sunrise, Mount Penn, Cold Hamm’s. Couldn’t ask for a better way to celebrate America!
Back at the deserted parking lot for the second year in a row, we were graced with a hefty size of patriotic hashers. We had non-returners, a virgin, out of towners. It was quite a band of misfits!
After the hares providing us marks we may see and introductions, off the pack went, taking the back pathway to the old remnant’s of Captain’s Cove. Crossing the street, we began down the access path, only to find Flamer with a shot/champagne stop that many have questioned if alcohol was even involved.
After the brief early stop, off we went, down the drive, past the water tower to Spook Lane, where a series of dots took us up Spook Lane. At the top, we were met with dots taking us into the Stokesay Castle parking lot. The well marked trail went right past the Castle, dropping into the woods towards Mineral Springs Park. It began to dawn, that we had yet to see a check, and that there marks presented in circle we may see.
As we approached the first BN, it was evident what was happening. After a short stop of breakfast Hamm’s, back on it we were, pavement pounding down Hill Rd until we made the hard right to go up Duryea Dr. As we rounded the bend to Duryea, another series of well marked dots taking us up into the biking area and paralleling Skyline Dr.
Eventually, we arrived at the Fire Tower, where our hares awaited us with another BN. It didn’t take long to find what we had all been expecting. A giant flour F, falsing us back to the last check…which was presented to us in circle. After some beverages and admiration of the view of Berks County, the pack began to make the journey back, opting different ways of going in order to cut some of the distance off of the return trip.
Once everyone arrived back at the HHHs, we celebrated the virgin, the non-returners, the out of towners. Lots of accusations were made, and many of them always included AA. We were once again treated to a wonderful apres breakfast buffet and hash beer at Reiffton Fire Company, and of course, what would 4th of July at Reiffton be without CAR BOMBS!
Peeter On A Skeeter
RH3 #1145 Sexy At Seventy Hash
It was a beautiful, summer, Monday Night when the halfminds descended on the tiny parking lot of the Muhlenberg Rail Trail, pissing off the locals who were looking to do actual feats of athletic stupidity. We were there for a different reason. Our annual ode to the grumpy hash veterans who have made hashing in Reading as fun as it is insufferable over the years.
As this was “not a social event” per one of the hares, circle began at 6:15pm with the introduction of our hares, a virgin and some haphazardly thrown flour marks. Off the pack went, some of us taking the high road to the rail trail, completely missing the well hidden False that some muggle kid on a bike was blocking. After International Man of Pleezure ran a 10k down the trail and found no other marks, we turned around to find the rest of the pack had found trail down on the streets.
Tracking up along Kutztown Rd, it wasn’t long until we found our way trudging through the mushroom farm woods, trudging through the trees as we ascended, only to come out into the power line right-of-way, and a death march vertical for us to all climb. Just as soon as we reached the top, through some waist high weeds, we were on our steep descent through a wooded residential solitude for us to shout “on-on” to disturb the peace.
Finally, emerging back into civilization, we arrived at the first BN behind a mushroom house. It felt like an extended stop, as we allowed the entire pack to catch up. Onward we would continue, to find our hares once again just a short distance away at the other end of the mushroom house/trucking/potentially illegal activities we were currently tracking through. The HHH was waiting for us.
After introducing our virgin to our songs and shenanigans, off we went to Swamp’s house for a wonderful backyard apres.
On-On!
Peeter On A Skeeter
RH3 #1143 Balls To The Wall Hash
On a glorious Monday Evening, Hashers began to gather shortly before 6:15pm Hash Standard Time anticipating another night of debauchery. The virgin lay of More Balls Than Brains was upon us. As this is Reading H3, and not a social event, everyone was at the indicated starting location and ready to go. Everyone except our hares. More Balls Than Brains and Dances With Whores were absent. Chatter began to circulate through those gathered. The hares knew this was the night of the hash, correct? A few minutes after 6:15, More Balls came in hot to the Brentwood Trailhead parking lot. As he jumped out of his SUV, covered in flour, and with enough flour on the console and floor boards to bake a cake, our virgin hare informed us that he was solo this evening. His co-hare was too busy calling other balls to assist.
In circle, our hare provided us with the marks we probably would see on trail. The normal marks, falses, checks, etc. A new “U” mark we’ve never seen before, as he wanted us to follow the U to a location to heckle his co-hare, as if he wasn’t being heckled enough already. Also, to stay on theme, we were all given a fancy disco ball necklace to wear during trail.
Off we went, heading towards Trooper Thorn’s through the field. We found what appeared to be a check (or an arrow). Straight down Upland Ave we went. A few blocks down, one of Reading’s finest was standing in the street talking with a resident about the mysterious white substance in the street. As NFB and I approached, we chuckled at what was happening, and NFB let the fine officer know it was just baking flour, nothing nefarious. But a great way to start the hash!
We followed marks to the corner of Greenway and St Bernadine, at would be the first of many “Unchecked Checks”. At the corner, trail visibly went in two directions. There was no check. Was this where we would find the U? Part of the pack continued down St Bernardine, yelling On-On. Another group of half-wits went up Greenway, yelling On-On. Yet a third group stood at the intersection, waiting to see who returned first.
Eventually, the St Bernardine group returned, and on-up we went. As the trail wound through the Kenhorst neighborhoods, no checks were to be found. However due to ample flouring by our hare, we were able to figure out the intended path. It led us to the church across from Ken-Grill Pool, where we found a BN. We searched and searched, coming up empty, until our hare arrived with beer in his flour mobile.
After the sweet nectar we are always pursuing was consumed, off to find trail once again. Flour was in all directions at the parking lot. One small trail of flour led to a straight line of flour, which we interpreted to be a stop? Some of the walking hashers had noted marks on the Angelica Creek Trail, so off we went. We trekked down into the woods to another BN, missing, yep, beer. After a minute or two of searching, our hare arrives, bag of suds in tow. In his excitement to get us inebriated, he had gone right past his BN!
As we parted ways, the hare informed us that the best part of trail was about to cum! Down into the creekbed we went. Our first of two water crossings greeted us as we worked our way through the woods and onto the trail to the water tower overlooking Alvernia University. There, we would find the SN, and a glorious shot near it was! A ball themed shot near! Skrewball and Fireball, and even some Rumchata to signify that white stuff that cums from your balls (or if you wanted a mixer).
Down the hill we went, back to the ACT, before taking a shortcut through the creek under Route 10 and into the tall grass surrounding the Alvernia campus. Trail was located going up the hillside and emerging along Route 10 before taking us back to our starting point.
Down-downs were done, laughter ensued, accusations were made and the co-hare made an appearance at exactly the right time to help drink for the infractions on trail. We were then provided with “Ball Bucks” good for one free beer on the hare at the apres at The Alley Hole. The bartender was quite adamant that she could not accept anyone’s Ball Bucks (also making it clear she has no idea what they were), before our hare arrived and set her straight.
The ball theming, the trail and the general chaos of the evening made it one of the shittiest trails of the Grand Fine-Ass’s reign of terror, and one thoroughly enjoyed by all. Well done, More Balls Than Brains!
On-On,
Peeter On A Skeeter
RH3 #1142 Red Dress Hash
RH3 #1141 Never Forget Your Wingman Hash
The date was Monday, 4/22/24. A merry band of 20-25 hashers gathered to see what Dry Dolly and Down In Front had in store for us on trail #1141, “Never Forget Your Wingman”. The post said “Bring your aviators”. If I recall, the hares forgot!! Me, Bad and maybe Couch and One Knee appeared to be the only hashers literate enough(or dumb enough) to follow the hares request!
We gathered on Cleveland Avenue, just out of range of the cameras recording from Urban Dicktionary’s employer. Good thing since he reported off sick that night(maybe I’m making that up?). It was a beautiful spring evening for following flour. Marks were displayed, introductions were made, On-On was called and the pack was off! We headed north through lawns, Wawa’s parking lot and then more open grassy fields. Skeeter slowed down, pulled up beside me and said “Hey Horn, you want to write a trash, don’t you”? My immediate response was “No thank you”!! Well, apparently in the hash, no means absolutely, positively yes, I’d be happy to do it sooooo here we are.
The pack continued across the field and into a neighborhood. Finally, a check! This mark took us off of asphalt, behind houses and into a park. We traveled along a creek and through a field of the “lumpiest” terrain this hasher has ever run! But then, alas, what is that we spied at the far end of the field? It was none other than our gentle giant, Down in Front relaxing in a lawn chair alongside the road. What could this mean? A beer(or several) was near! The pack scurried in and gathered around to enjoy the sweet golden nectar. While there we noticed a lone hasher catching up to the pack. It was none other than Dancing Fool, just in time to clean up our cans!
From here it gets a little fuzzy (I’ve killed a few brain cells since then). There were a few very cool single track trails but that was short lived. Soon we were back on lumpy terrain and more asphalt! The hares then treated us to a jaunt on some of the trails above Laurel Run Park where Dry Dolly treated us to another beer near! The hashing gods are good!
Although we were on private property, Dry Dolly assured us he had permission and all was good. Hares never lie. Well, apparently some of the neighbors didn’t get the memo. Que sera….
The pack was off through the hood checking here, there and everywhere. Finally we were led into an alley and came out onto more private property. Fortunately, this was the yard where Dry Dolly “grew up”. H’s were crossed and On-In was called! We then waited for hours for the walkers to show up. Rumor has it that Ginger Snatch led them astray? Finally they arrived and the circle commenced. Songs were sun, down downs were drank and accusations were made. This hasher offered an accusation that the walkers car hashed……False Accusation! That was Dry Dolly’s mom coming home…..
On after was at Mike’s Cafe where we socialized with Pete, ate some yummy pizza from a local shop and consumed just a bit more beer. Shitty Hash!!!
On-On
Horn of Plenty
RH3 #1140 Total Eclipse of the Hash
RH3 #1139 Good Stuff Cheap Hash
We were blessed with a sunny, Sunday St. Patrick’s Day this year, that doubled as a hash day. What a great combination!! I mean, drinking is key to both occasions and the Reading hashers love their car bombs. So the hashers donned the green and gathered in the Ollie’s parking lot for the, ummm *checks notes* “Good Stuff Cheap Hash”. Not a St. Patrick’s Day themed hash? Is the Good Stuff Cheap some Guinness? Only time will tell.
Our solo hare, Dances With Whores, shows us the marks and says he needs a few minutes head start. As we begin introductions, the pack watches as the hare runs in plain view down through the backside of several businesses. Once out of sight and ample time is given, off we go. Through the drive thru of Dunkin’ and into the trees behind Walgreens we go. Trail following an obvious path towards Mohnton.
An intersection at a playground confused a few of the pack for a moment, as an arrow next to a check was mistaken by the back of the pack to be a helpful arrow, but alas, it was a PA 1 Call mark and it was in the wrong direction. Down into the creek side woods we went, through some obvious hangouts of the delinquent drinkers of Mohnton, we stumbled across our hare and a BN. While enjoying our Hamm’s at a rather lengthy beer near by Reading standards, we notice Swampy on the other side of the creek. Yours truly tossed Swamp a beer, and I knew immediately it was going to be a bit short. Swamp caught it as it hit the ground in front of him and instantly became a shotgun, as a rock pierced the can. In true hash form, Swampy knew what to do next.
Off the pack went again, soon to be faced with a choice. A Turkey/Eagle split was found, with Eagle heading up a hill, and Turkey into a development. The Eagle trail wound its way through a neighborhood before dropping back into a creek/drainage runoff area with many downed trees. Our esteemed hare kept jumping the creek with his marks, ensuring we had plenty of opportunities to get our feet wet. At the end of the drainage area, in the drain pipe, the SN was discovered. Leprechaun Piss. Hey, maybe it is a themed hash after all!
Up the steep hillside to the surface streets we went, and quickly met back up with the Turkey trail. We continued on a lengthy road section to stumble onto a BN at the hare’s house! The turkeys were already on the deck enjoying a beverage as the Eagles arrived.
After some socializing, our hare took off to lay the remainder of the trail live. After clearly reaching the highest point in this Mohnton development, the next segment of trail was down hill as we were led out to Old Lancaster Pike. A long stretch paralleling Lancaster Pike and through the townhouse development we have seen many times brought us back to the start, and behind Ollie’s.
Songs were sung, beers were consumed, and we even had some late arrivers who showed up towards the end of circle, following trail all the way to the end. After swinging low, it was off to Paolo’s for some more of that Good Stuff!
Peeter On A Skeeter
RH3 #1138 Leap Day Short Straw Hash
A trail on a Thursday?? Yes indeed, since it is the relatively rare February 29th! The Leap Day Short Straw Hash is announced and the anticipation mounts, especially for those of us who have never participated in one, myself included. How is this going to work? Will it just be a drunken shitshow (well we know that is almost guaranteed)?
Foot and Optopussy are our initial “hares” and we all pay a $1 to cover the cost of the straws and flour. After enjoying a beer in the warm comfort of Sly Fox, it almost feels like we could just be “normal” people enjoying a regular Thirsty Thursday. But nope, out into the windy and frigid outdoors we go. Foot and Opto explain the rules. During the course of the evening, we will each draw straws three times. Whoever draws the short straw will then be the hare and they can lead us to whatever watering hole they like and then the process will repeat itself. Next, we all put our hand into Foot’s pocket to draw a straw, probably one of the more terrifying parts of the evening. Crack draws the first short straw, and we resign ourselves to the fact that we are going to actually have to run or at least walk a decent bit, womp, womp. He gets a few minute head start and then we are off. Are we headed to Antietam? Womelsdorf? Nope it’s our lucky day and we just run ALL OVER West Reading to come back to Barley Mow. New problem, how will our next lucky winner mark trail when there is already flour absolutely everywhere!
After enjoying a beverage at the Mow, we all must put our hands into Foot’s pocket AGAIN and this time Tit Mouse is the lucky winner. She brings experienced short straw hare, Breast Stroker along for the adventure. They announce that they will be laying double dots so we know which trail is the new trail. That does prevent me and a few others from forgetting this and getting back onto old trail initially. Back through town and down into the Park we go, ooops and then get back on trail to go through a parking garage and then onto Third and Spruce. We are greeted by a not too bad cover band and enjoy another round of drinks.
Foots’ pocket one more time, this time its International Man of Pleezure. It’s getting a little later in the evening so we are all hopeful that he is heading back in the Sly Fox direction. I am jogging along with Nasty Panties and who do we see but the hare! This is great I have never caught a hare before, so I start sprinting and catch him and I do at the very last moment before he attempts to lay the H’s in front of Bar Cart I attempt to pants him because I heard that is what you do, but his pants are too tight!! IMP politely asks the kind folks at Bar Cart if we can host our Apres there and they agree. After another beverage we finally headed outside for closing circle including a double rendition of Hot Vagina, my very favorite song! What a great night!
Until we meet again on Sunday,
-ExCoGi ❤️
It was a bright and shiny Sunday afternoon in February – wait I thought Tofu was a hare? No rain ,sleet, snow, natural disasters? The greatest evidence I have seen of climate change. A group of half minds with nothing better to do on a beautiful Sunday formed a menacing group in the parking lot of Rustic Park intently listening to the instructions from their former GM hares – a J-check with no shots?? This is going to be a great one with these two in charge. Off the hares went with large backpacks full of beverages and who know what else. We all met Legal’s Uncle Tony the park ranger for the first of many many times during trail prior to setting off to chase the hares. Over the bridge and onto the trail we went. From here on out you will be getting the perspective of one of the founders of the walking club of RH3: while the runners headed up a hill and to a ridge. The smarter hashers, which unbelievably included NFB, went walking straight ahead to find trail without hills and rocks. Swamp, Foot, NFB, Sinderella, and yours truly were able to skirt the water and find the back end of trail. In doing so, we were able to enjoy Just Justin and Peeter finding J check #2 with the ever so present Hash sound “F**k”. No worries they can get extra miles in. Eventually we saw Tofu across the water with beverages which we missed on the actual trail by hashing smarter?? We chose to head straight across using the limp line to get to the HHH in a timelier fashion – or really to get to the old fashions quicker. Foot Fairy was FRB ??? Another happening that tells us this hash was totally F**cked up. Everyone made it back to circle except Just Sandie – she will drink for that one in 2026? when she cums back again. Lot of Hamms, some old fashions, allegations, something about banging GM’s (I think we missed one on that accusation), and the second fastest rendition of Swing Low ( Swampy’s SwampCycle Hash #938) are just a few of the highlights of circle so professionally run by our Grand FineAss. Off to Bruno’s, the only place on earth where COVID 19 was absent in 2020. Good beers, pizza and comradery was had by all.
Respectfully submitted – nah f**k you all!
Breast Stroaker
RH3 #1136: 10th Anal Groundhog’s Day Hash
Ahhh, Groundhog’s Day… One of the weirdest traditions in the United States. Thousands of people drink all night, gather at a place called Gobbler’s Knob to revel and celebrate a weather forecasting rodent. Sounds like the perfect activity for a hash to celebrate! But, much like the cult movie that captures the essence of the celebration, RH3 gathers every year, at the same place, to do the same thing, with the same hares, and we fall for it every year!
So, a massive contingent of wankers successfully avoided Ned Ryerson and made our way to the Antietam Lake parking lot. Any location known for its port-a-potty glory holes is perfect for a little knob gobblin’ celebration! Our hares, Foot Fairy and Horn O’ Plenty, gave us our prognostication. Or lack there of. How many water crossings and trips up Polly’s driveway would we be lucky to experience this year? Just a chuckle and out we go.
Down Angora Rd we go. A different way this year? Leaving the Park area? Have our hares gone mad? Ahh, nope, just a slight diversion as we head back up the hill and into the park and, back to the start? For a BN! This one is gonna be a doozy for sure! After a quick stop for libations, up the hill and into the park we go!
Winding through the woods and trails, One Knee Wonder declares “I need to pee” and Urban Dick-tionary retorts “I want to watch”. A hash moment like this cannot go unnoticed and in true Urban Dick-tionary fashion, I asked him what a good Urban Dictionary entry would be for this golden act.
“Pee Pee Peeper”
We pop out on Angora Rd and we know what’s coming next. A check to the left and there it is. A true trail mark straight up the driveway. Up the monster hill we trek, and we are rewarded with another BN. A nice long stop, a few pictures for the hash flash, a refreshing Hamm’s, and off we go.
After the journey across the field behind Polly’s house, we begin a long, steep decent to the creek bed below, where we are greeted with the first water crossing of the day. A relatively easy jaunt across a few rocks, and crossing is a success. The pack has now split quite a bit, as we begin to ascend towards Antietam Rd. Crossing Antietam Rd, we are faced with a steep climb up the other hillside. Once again, we were rewarded with a BN.
As we left the BN, we realized about half the pack hadn’t been seen in quite some time. As we descended back to Antietam Rd, trail dropped down to the dam and we saw the other half of the pack contemplating the steep climb to the BN. The water crossing at the dam was much further across than our first crossing, and the easiest way across was not the slippery rocks, but just trudging right on through.
After crossing, we began our trek back. To Angora Rd. To our favorite driveway. Where we were now greeted with a second true trail mark and a smiley face. After another climb to the top, we found the HHH. Hamm’s were enjoyed in the circle, as accusations flew. Another Groundhog Day in the books. Until next February, don’t forget your booties cause it’s cold out there.
On-On,
Peeter On A Skeeter
On a blustery January day, we gathered to celebrate the return of SSS for the weekend. While many of us were wishing we were on a fantasy island, our hares Crack and One Knee recited the instructions of using purple and blue colored marks on snow covered ground that perfectly blended in with the shadows of the afternoon. Our hares took off laying trail with Opto and her keen eyes noting which direction they went. After a generous 10 min, the pack followed suit dashing through white powder, and knowing our hares, that we’d eventually get high.
Following blue marks, it wasn’t long before a true trail had us heading up. Some bushwhacking, some actual trail, some falsies lead us back down to our first BN with Took My Mom to Plowville waiting with the deliciousness including fireball shots. A few half wits took the opportunity to take a wiz by his truck, Unbeknownst to them at the time that One Knee was hiding in the back.
We took our leisurely time at the BN with no one in a hurry to return to chomping through snow. But finally we followed trail , which is now purple marks, further down until popping back onto Thun Trail in what appeared to be towards the start. But a purple True Trail had us heading back up following the previous path highlighted with additional purple marks. A couple of new flashes to throw us off but down the hill we came to our second BN which looks eerily similar to the first except the beer cooler sitting in a new location. Thee appeared to be a Smurf murder scene in the snow. Apparently hares had a hard time deciding what to do. We did not linger as long and trail lead us again back to Thun. Several were ready to get to the H’s but instead were met with 5 True Trails beckoning us back up the hill.
This made me question which hash I was doing as I was pretty sure the famous PA rodent hadn’t come out of his hole yet. Only two brave souls, as I like to refer to them as, started back up the hill over rocks, roots and trees greeted by smiley faces. Were they smiling in encouragement or smirking at our foolishness? This time trail did not go all the way up but instead ran parallel and eventually converged with the others. A little more trail and we finally arrived at the H’s under the bridge. Waited a bit for the car hashers but it was cold. So circled up. Accusations made including hares wearing the same leggings. Swing-low song then off to Paolo’s. More good times were had and the story behind SSS’s name revealed.
On-on bitches!
Nut Nibbler
RH3 #1134 🥂 Champagne Problems Hash
It's ExCoGis 40th Birthday!!
(🎵 Hot Vagina For Breakfast)
Our adventure began in the most likely of places- the parking lot of CW East Elementary School- on a balmy 34° Sunday afternoon.
( 🎵 Hot vagina for lunch)
Hares ExCoGi, Pretty When I'm Drunk, and Peeter on a Skeeter gave us our chalk talk and general erection and we were off.
( 🎵 Hot vagina for dinner)
On through another farm growing houses instead of food and on through a small 'hood to a true trail that took us on a "short" cut out to...no where. We searched in all 369° and somehow lost trail. By this time the pack is together, cold, and thristy- trying to figure out where we went wrong.
( 🎵 It's munch, munch, munch, munch, munch)
We strolled through back alleys and down roads by open fields looking for trail. At one point a call came in from a desparate hare wondering where we were since we missed a beer stop!
You'd think this pack of halfminds could instinctively find these by now.
( 🎵 It's so tasty and delicious)
With a bit of guidance we were back on trail and finally made our way to the CN. Where we were mildy reprimanded and cheered our birthday girl and sipped champagne in the woods like the classy wanks we are!
( 🎵 Bite-sized ready to eat)
The pack was off again through the rolling countryside, through cornfields and easements until we found a BN. I think we are getting the hang of this now! After sipping on the golden nectar of the hash gods, we headed off to the HHH at PWID and Peeter's house.
( 🎵 Hot vagina for breakfast)
We circled up in the warmth of their party room and down-downs commenced and songs- HAHA! just kidding- one song was sung. On repeat. Because it's ExCoGi's favorite! And since she's the birthday girl, she gets whatever she wants! And if you don't know which song, well, ya shoulda been there! A party full of champagne, sparkly cupcakes, Hamms towers, and snot shots followed. A shitty hash indeed. Happy 40th Birthday ExCoGi!
( 🎵 HOT VAGINA CAN'T BE BEAT! 🎵 )
On-On!
Casting Couch
RH3 #1130: Legal's LeTits Hash
RH3 #1129: Just A Pussy Hash
for no S/N. 
Up and up we went on another climb on the trail until we found a cache of liquid goodness to still our beating hearts! After a short break the fellowship headed down the trail sensing we were getting close to finishing the trail and getting back into civilization. Dances with Whores decided to do the right thing and run back up the hill to gather the discards and drag them back down. By now it was the two of us with the rest of the wankers long gone. 
Down we went until we got to the cemetery and by then DWW was ‘dead’ from carrying the extras down and left them at the cemetery so we could save ourselves! Just Fred
RH3 #1128: Prickly Horn Halloween Hash
We trekked through a golf-course-turned-housing-development (RIP Village Greens) until finding our hares and some tasty pudding shots (except Crack, who had detoured to the local pizza shop for a slice to enjoy with his beer). Exhausted, the pack played Frogger across Penn Ave before making their way west through alleys and bar parking lots, and deep into the woods, until they stumbled upon a coffin to fit a 3-year old, filled with… beer! After a brief refuel, Screams Like a Bitch led the way through the deserted back alleys of a Halloween theme park filled with severed heads and torture devices… clearly a place of more tricks than treats (unless you’re into that shit). Most emerged unscathed, to pleasantly discover the HHH right across the street, adorned with a most Hash-appropriate display of Hamms and cheeseballs. I even caught Bad Semen smiling upon finding the trifecta of these and our lovely hare Horn O’Plenty all in one location. Our Grandest-Ass OptoPussy led circle where accusations of baldness, running, and not being from RH3 kept us standing outdoors until the gentle mist became a pleasant cold rain. Thankfully our hares produced a lovely spread of warm chili, dog fur, and some higher alcohol beverages to warm our spirits. Until we can be together again… in this life or the afterlife… On, On, Bitches!
Legal Easy
RH3 #1127: Nibblin’ Bitches Nuts Hash
Ahhh, the calendar has turned to October. The leaves have begun to change, the air has turned cooler and the days have gotten shorter, meaning it’s time for RH3 to move the hashes back to Sundays. It was a perfect fall day for a hash, but our hashers were spread across Europe, or doing “Type A” activities, or just otherwise occupied. A jovial group of half-minds headed to the On-On, venturing under the Lindbergh Viaduct, to the ruins of the East End Athletic Club. Our hares, Nut Nibbler and the newly-minted Screams Like A Bitch, provided that highly sought libation, Hamm’s, and informed us that we would find the standard marks. With the sounds of the Puerto Rican Day Parade After-Party echoing through the city, the pack headed off in search of flour, immediately finding a False off of the first check. After some brief confusion, trail was located in Pandora Park and we were off. Through the city we went, climbing the “slightly sloped” 17 1/2 St towards Neversink. Into the Preserve we went, following the trails to a Beer Near, near a nice fire ring with remnants of a prior muggle beer near. Stories and laughs were shared, as we wondered where our trail-loving hares were going to take us next. Down the mountain we went towards St. Peter Cemetery, with the soundtrack of the party at the Pagoda reverberating through the city. This may be the first hash in the history of RH3 to feature a native soundtrack during the entire duration of the trail.
Through the neighborhoods we went, drawing strange looks from the locals on their porches, enjoying libations and other indulgences. Tour de Puke would later share that he thought better of the urge to yell “Are you on, Crack?” while checking at a check, for fear of giving the residents the wrong impression. Towards City Park we headed, following trail as we went through the City Bandshell. As we pushed up Walnut St towards Mount Penn, the Party at the Pagoda raged louder. A shot stop was located at the top of Walnut St., and as we indulged in the Pumpkin Spice Whiskey our hares provided, we couldn’t help but notice Beulah Ballbreaker’s truck parked nearby. If only she knew there was a shot stop mere steps from her humble abode.
As the trail continued up the side of Mount Penn, the blazing beats of Bad Bunny intensified. Were we really headed to the Pagoda? Did our hares really lead us right into the raging party? As we climbed closer, up the steps to the Pagoda, the music was so loud, the On-On’s could no longer be heard. The small but mighty pack stayed close together, finding that, to our relief, trail turned in front of the Pagoda and avoided the party area. Probably for the best.
After heading down Duryea Dr from the Pagoda, amongst the rowdy beats, and the loud vehicles going up and down the mountain, confusion abounded at a check. The pack decided to head down the mountain, away from the ruckus, eventually catching up to the flour marks left for us by the hares. Through Egelman’s Park we went, and into Mineral Springs Park we went. The pack was together, spotting our hares at a pavilion that clearly had seen better days. As the pack crossed the HHH, the FRB and the DFL were separated by mere seconds, likely a record for any RH3 hash in history, maybe any hash ever.
Hamm’s was consumed, accusations were made, stories were told, laughs were shared and songs were song. A great trail with its own soundtrack. And the only nibbling done was on the orange crunchy food.
On-On,
Peeter on a Skeeter
The residents at the corner of Plymouth Place and Reading Boulevard were once again blessed with a group of drunk idiots assembling in front of their homes. “Must be anal time!”, they thought, probably. Not a single virgin in sight, apparently they are scared of anal? After a not-brief-enough history lesson from Bad Semen (which included some photos that he printed out of his fax machine), Any Crack’ll Do was out of site and the rest of the degens decided it was time to go find him. On-On! One would think 39 years of stumbling through the same area would yield efficient results. But, as the checks appeared, the group split up more and more, as if they didn’t know where this was going. A few brave souls entered a tunnel, while the less-dumber folks patiently waited for them to inevitably turn around and re-emerge minutes or days later, with permanent spine misalignment. Carrying on through Wyo, drunk and confused, the group worked together in the hopes of finding a happy ending. Finally, a beer near! It only required stepping over a tiny creek. Not surprisingly, more than one uncoordinated half-wit managed to face plant themselves in the three inches of mighty Wyo whitewater rapids, showing up to the BN dripping in Reading waste water runoff and shame. After mocking one another over a fine beverage, we proceeded on to finish this shit show. Through the dense and uninhabitable forest, we were finally “rewarded” with the H’s. The reward part was questionable, as there were no beers in site. You had one job Crack… Anyway, more hashers trickled in, beer eventually showed up, and a circle was formed after a bit of discussion about leaving Bad Semen wondering out in the woods like a senile old man. Since that’s what he does every other day anyway, the circle commenced. Optopussy threatened the FRB with a drug test yet again (maybe someone should drug test HER?) Two of our finest members were named, Just Mark became Screams Like a Bitch, and Just Curtis became 50 Cent Coitus. Songs were sung mostly correctly, and the group departed the woods, only to regather at Oakbrook Brewing after cleaning themselves up from the evenings shameful activities. ‘Til next year, Plymouth & Reading!
Just Justin
RH3 #1125 Life’s A Beach Hash
The group of degenerates gather at Brentwood for Just Mark’s virgin haring with the help of Nasty Panties. Directions were given. The hares made sure we knew that, although Tofu wasn’t haring, the rain gods still wreaked their havoc and they had to lay trail twice. The group split up as soon as we parted ways. So much for thinking that being laid twice in one day would make the trail easier than a fifth street whore. We wrapped through Alvernia. I’m not sure if Dances and Crack were looking for beer or coeds as they blew past a few checks and passed the first beer near. The rest of us found the delicious beer of Jaws… Narragansett. Did I mention Just Mark almost became shark chum the previous week due to a surf board incident? After whetting our whistles we were off again. Next beer near was in Schlegel park where the FRB pack could watch the walkers all roll in like zombies in search of beer. Back to the SRT for a nice flat finish to circle. A few type A’s (Nut Nibbler- no surprise there and Breaststroker- under duress of the possibility of Legal whipping him if he doesn’t get his daily steps) walked past circle to complete their daily mileage. Songs were paired with a beautiful sunset. Short and sweet before we were left in the dark and told to head to Paolo’s for Apres.
Optopussy
RH3 #1124 RIBBED…For Your Pleasure Hash
The band of degens circled up in front of Excitement Video. No virgins in sight, typical of Shillington. A dick-off broke out, Vanna had the shortest and was handsomely rewarded. Decoy appeared to give directions, however, no-one could hear him over his music.
Some assholes were eager to go, but Opto reigned them in for introductions. On-On, we gone.
Soon a creek crossing, a jungle like path, checks a plenty. Then in a random back alley, yells of “beer near, shot near”. Finally a cold Hamm’s! What could be better? How about a blowjob, some cheesy meat, salty balls and dangerous flames.
Then another creek crossing and hills. Us “local legends” from the glorious decades of the ’80’s and ’90’s yearned for a delicious meal from Dempsey’s (AKA Dumpster’s”). Instead, we got more f’ing hills.
Finally we circled up in the beautiful Fawn Hill hop yard, many thanks to honorary new members Just Jeff and Just Destiny. Songs, shiny headed men, accusations, a drug test, GM’s and down-downs. An almost angelic rendering of Swing Low, then off to Paolo’s for pizza, wings and beer.
On-On, Just Shawn
The fabulous hash Float! The on-on began on a strange street, with lots of curious neighbors, peeking out their windows, and pretending to pull weeds as they stared us down. We circled up on this strange street to start #1123 ironically at 11:23. Weird.
We started our jaunt roaming around some streets. Heading through some old trails that we hashed once before had a beer stop at a beer stop that we had before. I know original, right. We ran some more and then we arrived at a parking lot, where Cougar was so nice to give us all blow jobs.
With most of our inflatables, nice and hard, we circled up. Songs were sung, drinks were drank, two people were called out for sitting down at the hash circle, imagine that. Then we all headed towards the water. The glorious water, on a glorious day! the float ❤️ just so worth it. Our little flotilla stayed together, drinks we enjoyed. Vanna’s smoke kept the insects away. Just Jeremy raided an island party to curb his munchies. Foot, Schmamazon and Breast had a threesome. Choo choo worked her herding skills. Cougar Baited a ton of fish. We couldn’t ask for a better day.
We all exited up a bushy slope that was over grown and thick like the snatch of yesteryear. When a bush was a bush.
We gathered at the Apres for more beer, more beer, more beer and a lil bit of pizza,
As always the float NEVER disappoints.
Love u longtime !
Choo Choo
RH3 #1122 The Dog Days of Summer Hash
The evening started out pleasant enough, the temperature was mild, the humidity non-existent, there were dogs to pet, fellow hashers to chat and of course beer to guzzle. Just Brittni and Nut Nibbler led off introductions, unfortunately there were no virgins in attendance. The Hares proceeded to explain the trail markers, and right away we could tell something was up with the flour. There were rumors floating around that an expensive rice flour was used, more on that later. Off went the half wits blazing through the backyards of Blandon. On one, one two, ON-ON was cried out into the sweet summer air. Trail was easy enough to follow until it all went to shit. Half of the group was split up by an oncoming locomotive on the Reading railroad. This would lay the groundwork for the confusion that ensued. After the train passed the group continued on, much to our surprise the group ahead of the train was not able locate trail, what the hell. On and on we went searching for the coveted BN. Somehow, probably by miss reading a check, we stumbled on Nut Nibbler hunkered down in the bushes with a cooler of adult beverages. We were offered beers and we took them. Down in Front sounded the horn, and so we waited for our fellow hashers to join us for libations . However, our fellow hashers were no where to be seen! Zip, zilch, nada. The only souls that responded to the sound of the horn were some horses chilling on the farm across the street, they must have been old derby horses or something. From there the “elite 8” as the group was dubbed, continued to press on, much to our dismay we had a difficult time locating the trail, that was until a late arrival pointed us in the right direction of true trail, thank you brother! Most of the pack believed the expensive rice flour was to blame, it could have been, or could have just been the beer talking. Anyways, the trail led us into a creek, and everyone rejoiced when SN was spotted in the distance underneath the bridge. Pickle-jalapeño whiskey shots and peach ring gummy bear shots were enjoyed by the aforementioned elite 8. Being the half wits we are we did not realize we had to mix the whiskey in with the pickle juice, oh lord! However, we were successful on the second shot attempt. After shots were consumed, we found the trail leading us out of the creek and back to civilization. We started to get the impression that the other group of hashers had created their own trail back to HHH. Seriously not a bad idea. Up the hill we walked and as we passed the Blandon water tower we knew we were near the end, thank god because my beer buzz was starting to fade. We arrived back to Just Brittni’s house for HHH and the circle jerk. Songs were sung, accusations were made and bald guys drank. Everyone enjoyed the remainder of the evening relaxing in the back yard, drinking IPA’s, Hamm’s, homemade margaritas and eating square pizza. Some of the luckier ones even left with a bushel of vegetables from Just Brittni’s impressive garden.
Just Pat
All the halfwits gathered on a hot, humid Monday evening in the parking lot of the former Gold’s gym for Trail #1121 (almost half way Opto). A nice crowd for a Monday evening hash. Two virgins graced us with their presence – Just J female and Just J male (I don’t recall their actual names but I do remember their initial – car bomb’s do things to one’s memory center in the brain). After tennis ball bouncing instructions and introductions of the pack went. Cougar and NFB vying for the lead. From this point forward I have no idea where the pack went or how things turned because I was very hot and sore from the Rogue North (Dancing Fool) hash the day prior, thus I hashed smarter with Foot, Schmamazon, Just Mims, and Swamp at a much more “Ginger” pace. We arrived at the lot of Van Scoy (address 1121 – coincidence? Conspiracy? What does 1121 mean?) after a treacherous 0.1 mile uphill climb to wait for all the running folk for Beer Near #1. PBR’s flowed; lots of water was drank – I guess people were sweating a lot. We were not. Off the pack went. This time the runners beat us to the garage at Down in Front Ginger homestead in the beautiful borough of Wyomissing. Even the alleys are nice there. Back to Ginger’s place again for HHH and circle. Beer bitch duties were “partially” done by Partial Erection or partially shitty. Lots of good songs from Tour, plenty of PBR, bald guys, GM’s, and Opto got swing low correct – what a great circle. Where is the apres? THE HOOD!!! Decarlo’s – our diverse friends missed us from Penn St. Tavern at Red Dress and Santa in December. Ginger and Down in Front were gracious hosts with wings, fries, and green stuff for the healthy folks. Plenty of beer. Foot had some green drink with a red bull -this made Schmamazon happy until …. Car Bombs then she was ecstatic. Great to see Shrinkage, Cougar, Dumb and Dumber as well as all the drunks that regularly attend these events to take us away from real life. Thank you to Ginger and Down in Front for your trail, short-cut, and the generous apres. See you drunk bastards at the next sauna fest – don’t forget the float coming up!!
Breast Stroaker
RH3 #1120 July 4th Hash
Hares: Decoy, Toefu, Foot Fairy, Flamer
430 am alarm goes off and groans of hashers can be heard all over Berks… why am I getting up sooo early?!? Well because it’s one of the best days of the year for a Reading hasher!! The Fourth of July Hash! We all managed to find the new start location since gate closures and blow jobs rendered our previous fire tower start unusable. So behind the old Captains Cove we welcomed four virgins (just Ethan, just sheri, just jeremy? And just someone else). We circled to sweet sounds of prideful American songs while we sipped PBRs, all as the sun was rising. On- on: Of course we hit the fire tower where there were no blow jobs but a cooler of sweet PBR. Then on to the Pagoda for a champagne near which was more like an orange juice near because Flamer thought two bottles of champagne would be enough for 50 people. Finally we wound down past the Liederkrantz and apparently missed a shot near. Probably due to a good mixture of part drunk and part still asleep. We finally circled back at the cove parking lot. Virgins were called out. Accusations were made: ruckasacking type A shit, Flamers inability to buy enough champagne, blood on trail, bald things, grandmasters, “Karen’s”. We took a moment to honor our veterans with a down down and even then Foot said circle needed to go longer. So how does a GM extend circle??? You ask Deathwish to sing a song. Soo about an hour later we made it to Reifton Fire Company for apres. 🚗💣, breakfast and beers all before 9 am. How, as a hasher, can you not love this day?
On-on
Optopussy
This edition of hash trash was written by a robot. Only names were changed by One Knee Wonder to incriminate the identities of the guilty. Cheers!
Once upon a time in a peculiar town called Reading that had a knack for eccentricities, there existed a running group known as RH3. They were an odd bunch, fueled by both their passion for running and their love for a particular golden elixir – beer. This merry band of runners gathered every week, combining their love for fitness and indulgence in a way only they understood.
Led by an enigmatic character named Optopussy, and with the help of Horn of Plenty and Two in the Pink, the hashers embarked on runs like no other. They would assemble at the edge of a dense forest, staring into the wilderness with a mixture of curiosity and excitement. You see, they didn't have a pre-planned route. Instead, they relied on a trail of flour scattered by a mysterious hare, whose identity was forever concealed.
With a boisterous cry of "On-On!" echoing through the trees, the hashers would venture into the unknown. They navigated the labyrinth of foliage, following the white trails of flour as if it were a lifeline, guiding them deeper into the heart of nature's embrace.
However, they were not without their quirks. Among them were a few hashers who possessed an uncanny ability to locate shortcuts, which often resulted in mixed outcomes. Some hailed these hashers as geniuses, while others questioned their sanity. These self-proclaimed intellectual adventurers believed they could outsmart the trail and reach the beer quicker.
And so it happened, on a fateful run, the smartest (or perhaps the dumbest) of these hashers discovered a secret path through the undergrowth. They sprinted, cutting their distance in half, convinced they had outwitted both the hare and their fellow halfwits. But as they emerged onto a clearing, they realized their mistake. They had only found half the beer.
Confused and slightly disappointed, the hashers regrouped in a circle known as the "circle of trust." They formed a bond forged by their shared adventures, cracking jokes, swapping tales, and indulging in a peculiar tradition. Each hasher munched on orange crunchy snacks, a symbol of camaraderie, while raising their beer-filled vessels for down-downs. Laughter and merriment filled the air as they toasted their endeavors.
After their ritual was complete, they migrated to a local watering hole affectionately called Bertie's, or sometimes referred to as "bird titties" in their own whimsical slang. It was a haven where stories were woven like intricate tapestries, where both truth and fiction intermingled freely.
Inside Bertie's, they gathered around a table, their eyes wide with anticipation, ready to listen to the tales shared by their eccentric compatriots. On that particular night, a peculiar story was whispered, originating from an outsider known only as the Wanderer. With a twinkle in his eye and an air of mystery, he spoke of forbidden desires and grand obsessions. In hushed tones, he divulged the enigmatic tale of "Bad Semen" and his insatiable longing for a monumental symbol, an overwhelming desire for a "big cock" that surpassed even the fear of death itself.
As the night unfolded, the hashers reveled in the absurdity of the tale, finding solace in the fact that their running escapades were not the only oddities in this whimsical world they called home. And so, with laughter echoing through the walls of Bertie's, they embraced the quirkiness that bound them together, their running group intertwined with the spirit of forever chasing trails, laughter, and the promise of beer.
One Knee Wonder
RH3 #1118 The Love Hash
Was a splendid night for a gathering of RH3’s finest as well as some out of towners and two virgins. While we waited for our hares, Hot for Teacher and Any Crack’ll Do to cum, we were awed by the creativity of some halfwit who utilized every last brain cell to lay out the remnants of previous hashes into a beautiful “1118” in the dusty lot. Finally, our hares arrived, and we circled up as Decoy led the way. Evidently, our GM decided she would rather not associate with this heinous crew and was unacceptably absent from the festivities. Introductions were made, Crack provided instructions and we were on our way.
The motley crew meandered through the Flying Hills Village searching for the white stuff. Alas we were “On-on.” Our hares had us chasing each other in circles as we searched for the 1st BN. Across the golf course we galloped with unsuspecting spectators witnessing the spectacle. As sweat, or the previous night’s endeavors seeped from our pores, we trudged up the hill to a welcome sight…BN! We gathered in the woods momentarily to down, down some of the “good” stuff. After a few moments of jovial convening, we were on our way again.
We followed the trail through woods and fields to reach the next BN or maybe BF (beer far). As the crew trudged up the hill, through the high grass (and what may have been saw blades), the black backpack full of liquid delightfulness was in sight. The only thing better than the view from the top of the mountain was listening to Vanna exclaim her disdain for her less than stellar sucking skills.
Back down the hill, through the field of screams and On to trail. Next task at hand was following the powder across Philadelphia Ave. while our sphincters puckered as speeding cars barreled past. Initial thought was our hares were trying to thin the RH3 herd. Being that 80% of the herd never made it to this point, our hares were unsuccessful in their endeavors. As we stumbled over the unsuspecting homeless under the bridge, we reached the H’s. Many beers were drank waiting for the rest of the half minds to arrive at circle. “Why are we waiting!!!” Their less-than-ideal decision-making skills hampered by over consumption at the 2nd BN, had them make a right on trail, instead of a left and ended up going back to their cars.
Once the derelicts returned in their vehicles, circle was formed, songs were sung, down downs were had, announcements were made, and everyone swung low. It was then on to Teacher and Crack’s place for further festivities.
On-On
Just Mark
69'd to the finish line. Started off packed with beers and celebrating messed up Mondays with a cheer! Everyone went Hamm, some deciding to run up hill not fearing the unknown. Wobbly rocky terrain with no pain no gain. The thirsty goers were quenched with 3 boobies near (BN). Seeing the squirting water tower. But it was no match for Cougar Bait, as he slayed the climb to get on top. 4 virgins were sacrificed to the lambs. Just Jeremy, Just Lea, Just Jule and Just Mike. No PN stop but that doesn't stop the unlimited PN locations for alone time. Ending with a nice slide home right inside Swampy. Testing endurance, stamina and the orgastic adventures of life. Until the next cum sesh.
Vanna Blackout
RH3 #1116: Red Dress
A very good turnout of at least 50 Hashers showed up for this years Red Dress Run (Save the Boobies Fundraiser) being held back at West Reading Fire Department Social Quarters.
We were greeted by Beulah serving up some tasty prelube beverages. It's an especially great start to this hash with Papussy & Indian Queef in attendance and not to mention Fudgy & In U end O being able to make the long trek back to Reading for this event.
Next up was a short walk to where Circle was going to be held, our ball sack showing hare, Breast, giving the detalls of what flour markings we would be searching for. Opto, our beautiful GM, called the lone virgin Just Colton into Circle for some last final instructions. The introductions were made and then we were off search for trail.
Once found, trail led us across the Buttonwood Street Bridge and into the city searching for our first BN located at Grill then Chill, but what's this, our very first BN false. Im guessing this was due to the fact that Grill then Chill wasn't even open at this time of the day. Nice research hares.
The pack continued on, but was slightly derailed for a few minutes due to what appeared to be some local having an adverse reaction to some previously ingested drugs. Two ambulances showed up to deal with this poor fellow, which allowed the hashers to continue on trail where our first legit BN was found, which pretty much just happened to be in the middle of the 8th and Oley intersection. At least we had beer this time. Beers were drank, a few photos were taken before the pack was back on the move again.
After just a few short blocks on trail beers were flowing again at our next BN stop Puerta del Sol. Pretty sure this was everyones first visit to this fine establishment. Next up, trail brought us to the Penn Street Tavern, where we celebrated, along with their great regular patrons, the grand opening of their brand new outdoor patio. A few lucky hashers actually even came away with some beautiful plastic flowers.
Next it was back across the river, where trail led us to the HHHs, located underneath the billboard entering West Reading. Down Downs were drank a few accusations were made, Stink Finger proceeded to climb the billboard for one
last photo and then it was off to the Apres.
This year’s auction was held with Swamp being assisted by the very entertaining Just Chris, who, at the conclusion, earned her the aptly naming of Vanna
Blackout.
Another great Red Dress Run is in the books, Thanks to Beulah and Rainbow for getting us just a little boozed up and to the hares Breast, Swamp and Hotlips for putting on such a great hash event!!
On
On
OLD News
RH3 #1115 Cheaper By The Dozen Bakery Bash
We gathered under leaden skies in a gravel lot in Blandon. A curious blend of chocolate chip cookie and mushroom shit permeated the air. Hares Stupid Brother and Dry Dolly had been working diligently, laying a trail consisting of tiny pinches of a powdery substance. Since our GM was absent (skewed priorities…in my opinion), the Queen of the Hash, Horn A’Plenty graced us with her divine leadership. The usual assortment of reprobates struggled in vain to assemble anything approximating a circle. Instructions were given, introductions made and we saddled up.
Our first challenge was to cross Park Rd alive, which to the best of my knowledge, we all accomplished. We wove between houses, then ended up traversing a series of backyards. Thanks to the weekend downpours, it was like riding on loose sand, punctuated by dodging the occasional boggy sinkhole. Terre eventually firmed up and we scurried through neighborhood byways, ending up at our first driveway BN of the night. As we approached our stop, the skies felt it was high time to urinate on our Motley Crew. Temporarily quenched, we rolled by rows of perfectly edged lawns and the occasional garden gnome until marks grew puzzling. They were ON…we were ON?? Who cares…2nd BN! There, we were treated to a viewing of Breast’s technicolor ass, compliments of a recent cycling reacquaintment with Mother Earth.
Ponying up…the usual FCBs led us thru several more roadkill zones and back to the blessed HHHs.
Circle was mercifully short…owing to the fact that we old GM fucks have forgotten most of the songs and shit. Well…that, and we just wanted to drink.
We adjourned to the Panderia (that’s bakery to all of you unilingual folks) for pizza, cookies, beer…and more beer.
Cycle On, Garth!
ToeFU
A larger than expected group of half minds gathered near The Highlands on our first Monday night of the season, not to turn in our early reservations for future diaper changing care, but to pound a quick Hamm’s and listen to Swamp relive his glory days of being GM in circle. It was finally time for Just Curtis to put down his training wheels and lay some trail with the best sidekick out there, Peeter on a Skeeter! (I may be slightly biased!)
After slightly introducing the virgin to marks and allowing our hares about 36.9 minutes to get a head start, we set out to catch those bastards. Wyomissing Park played a beautiful backdrop for our adventure. I don’t know that I’ve heard it called Narnia before, but it certainly was a night for lions, witches and matching Cougar’s 50th hash wardrobes from our twinning hares.
Compared to many hashes there was ample flour laid and the number of checks made me take my shoes off to use my toes to help count. There was a creek crossing that some of us in the back successfully avoided while others trudged their way through it on the way to BN #1.
Trail had a striking backwards resemblance to a recent analversary with BN #2 safely tucked off the side of 222 where the sound barriers kept us safe from the imminent danger of Reading drivers.
As dusk quickly approached we all circled up on the hill in the woods behind the school bus lot. We declared the shittiness of the trail, scared the virgin with questions and, wait for it, made Foot drink for RUNNING UP HILL! Like Halley’s Comet, it’s an event we probably won’t see for another 76 years. Sorry to those who missed such a sight!!
Aprés was pizza and brews at Paolo’s where Decoy and Stink graced our presence and made guest appearances.
Hashfully yours,
Pretty When I’m Drunk
RH3 #1113 Erin Go Bragh-less Hash
On one of the last winter mornings we all gathered by a patch of trees just beyond a quarry of despair. Car back rang out over and over.
Circle was formed. Hot for Teacher's virgin was introduced having been convinced to come out after a night of drinking. Smart choices!
The hares Stink Finger and Ricky Dobby gave us instructions (well some) and off we went. We all quickly ignored the clear false and On-On rang out along the valley. After a quick jaunt through a field we quickly reached the Beer-Shot-Near. Irish Car Bombs were drunk minus the curdling.
Trail was quickly picked up as we fought off Mother Natures brutal bid to blow us. After a bit of road pounding we were pleased to find Beer Near. The contents of a trash bag in the creek were procured. Old beer was drank and discussions of bad hash habits levied.
Onward into Mother Natures stiff breeze. Whats this? Two True Trail markings, no just too much to drink the night before. The Turkey and Eagle split was upon us. Most decided to console their previous nights actions by taking Turkey. A quick venture through the neighborhood. Four too drunk to read souls took to Eagle. The local neighbors yelled out encouragement and praise of their stupidity. A false was checked and Eagle quickly joined back up with Turkey.
More roads but this time with the wind at our assholes. Is that HHH in the distance? No one wanting to be DFL a slow sprint ensued. All were pleasantly rewarded with a suckle of Roids nipple. Circle was formed. The virgin was asked if she had learned anything, she had not. Her teacher was slacking. Many accusations were formed as too much beer (not enough?) was poured. Songs were sung and the hash came to an end.
On-Out
Just David
RH3 #1112: Your Comfort Is Our Primary Concern Hash
The Hash gathered on the shores of beautiful Antietam lake with some proudly displaying new hab that was not at all trademark infringement of a local brewery. Decoytis Interruptus provided instructions, we only half listened. Flamer and Roadkill assured us that the trail had been designed for our comfort and safety. Quickly we dispersed, and after several minutes of general confusion and silence “ON ONE” rang through the woods and off we went, the trail only went one way…Up, then up and then up some more.
Soon we found reprieve with the sound of “Beer Near” and fortified ourselves with glorious room temperature PBR. Off we went again and soon left the trail and found some shiggy, then shiggy with rocks, then shiggy in a swamp, then uphill and then uphill with shiggy and rocks. Some of us nearly lost shoes, others were beginning to lose our nerve when ‘Shot near’ was called out! We stood in the shadow of the mythical Mt. Penn beer vault (unsealed contrary to local news reporting) and drank comforting shots that would fuel us on the rest of our journey.
Some false trails were followed, but eventually we found the glorious HHH. Our reward was hoagies and more beer (some of which was brewed during the first Obama administration). We attempted to make a circle but were hindered by still more shiggy. Songs were song, accusations were had, announcements were made, and everyone swung low.
On Out
Just Brittni
RH3 #1111: Living on Easy Stroke Hash
A beautiful, pleasantly warm February afternoon greeted the half minds, as they met behind a Middle School in Western Berks County, meeting up with the hares, a doctor and a lawyer. It had all the ingredients for a wonderful afternoon.
Under the watchful eye of the school security cameras, about 30 half minds circled up, including Casting Couch’s virgin, to see the marks the hares had laid for us…on their Christmas tree board, so as to not leave any marks on school property. We were soon given a general erection out of the school property and into the neighborhood. After a short jaunt, the pack came around a corner, to find the hares, waiting for us, and the open back gate of a U-Haul. The pack all obediently climbed into the truck, and not one person asked a question about what exactly was happening.
Our dark ride quickly gave way to the reality that we were headed uphill. Long, winding turns led to a bumpy conclusion. As the door flew open, we exited the truck like migrants on a long journey to freedom. We found ourselves in the middle of the woods with a “Good Luck”, we were off.
We quickly came to a Turkey/Eagle split. The pack split into two, almost equal halves. The turkey trail was a short-ish, roughly 1/2 mile loop in the woods, returning us back to that fateful truck, where we were greeted with a beer, and some good news/bad news. While the turkey trail was shorter, we would load back into the truck and be dropped off farther down the trail. The turkey truck drop off led us right to the shot stop, where we were treated to a very festive holiday whiskey libation from Breast’s stash of goodies.
Meanwhile, on the Eagle trail we ran about a mile on a wooded trail and were quickly rewarded for our hard work with a nice cold beer. Had we made good choices? Then, down we went through some pretty fun trails and past a small body of water. We found a SN near a creek crossing but after hours of searching with no avail we finally moved on parched. We were met with some more ups and downs and then finally a paved road! It felt like we might have run all the way to Womelsdorf! But no we were back “safely” in Robesonia and saw some of our Turkey cohorts as we passed them on the way to Falco’s.
After trekking into the Robesonia borough limits, the Turkey group was first to arrive at the finest drinking establishment on 422, Falco’s Tavern, where cold pitchers of PBR and Miller Lite awaited. But this was only a BN, as the hares decided to wait for us there, and allow the entire pack to once again roam together.
A few minutes later, the Eagles began to arrive. The mystery of the missing SN was solved, as it was mistakenly taken with the Turkey tribe, so prevent any non-hashers from consuming the treasure.
After what seemed like an eternity, Legal Easy set out to finish the live haring of the trail. Meandering through alleys and side streets, we ended circle in the backyard of one of the hare’s friends. It takes a good friend to allow a large pack of half minds to consume beer and orange crunchy stuff, and sing vulgar songs on their property. And that’s just what we did!
On-On!
Peeter On A Skeeter and the Eagle-running ExCoGi
RH3 #1110: History Repeats Itself Hash
After an eventful morning full of accusation undertones of Type A runners marking a course on supposedly “fresh trails”, the Reading Hash House Harriers gathered in local MTB cruising spot…Bamba Lot. 30+ strong took time to introduce themselves as themselves or others and some pre-lube beers were finished and Hash Hab pint koozies were stored as hares, Foot Fairy and Horn Of Plenty, directed the group to general erection.
Quickly, everyone spread out searching for the first mark. On 1, On 2, and On 3 were called and the hunt for further trail was ON. A short distance later and the first BN was found as the group gathered on the side of the road. Beers were shared, stories were told, and on-out was had again. Through the woods and avoiding said fresh trails was successfully accomplished…who said hashers don’t listen? Round and round and round we went through twisting, winding, muddy, and quite frankly pointless trails. Where was the shiggy and the straight lines through the woods…on the plus side, we did find a SN of some sort of cinnamon whiskey. After watching Just Curtis and Stupid Brother hit the earth harder than Bukkake on a Saturday night, we made our way to Antietam Lake avoiding cars, hikers, and seemingly many other hashers who were to be found at the next BN. Up the worst driveway in Berks we went to Polly Has Tits’ house. Again, beers were shared, stories were told, and everyone took time to recover.
Down the driveway we went to the world’s largest Check. Up and up and up the road we traveled (many ran), until we reached the exaggerated HHH, marking the final resting spot of the 8th? annual Groundhog’s Day Hash. Songs were song, accusations were had, announcements were made, and everyone swung low.
On-out,
Stink Finger
RH3 #1109 Swipe Right Hash
Circling up, we learned that our hares One Knee Wonder and Just Mark met via a “right swipe”. Instructions were given, warnings levied and off we went. Deciphering week old flower from fresh powder the majority of the group followed the trail through Albright campus and up the hill to the base of Mt Penn where it wasn’t long until a very “Reading” cooler filled with refreshing Hamms. Pushing on we came upon very large flower arrows pointing up the hill into the woods. Comments were made about “they really wanted us to go this way” very quickly the trail disappeared. It is rumored that Deathwish may or may not have been the voice of reason to return to the last know check. It will continue to be debated but soon we were back on the white powder trail. Back into town we soon ended up along the tracks where a mixture of a white substance was now falling from the skies and a second black trash bag cache was located along with our hares. Pressing on we encountered a young security guard “just doing his duty” and a few hashers who had opted to hash the trail from a Marie’s barstool. “Smarter not harder” is a phrase that comes to mind. HHH’s were found; circle formed songs were sung & accusations made. The skies showered us with a wet ending. Off to Shirley’s for food and drinks.
Just Curtis
RH3 #1108 Farewell to the Taproom Hash
When I was but a lad of 12, my parents took me on a ride on one of the last passenger rail rides from Reading to Philadelphia. I couldn’t appreciate it at the time, but they were encouraging me to experience a part of what it meant to live in Reading – something iconic, but also something soon to be a thing of the past.
For those who have lived and worked in Reading for the past 40 years, the NorthEast Tap Room was a similar iconic experience that is – unfortunately -- also now a thing of the past.
Everyone has their own Tap Room story, and we could make this trash all about those… but let’s talk about what the Tap Room meant to the hash. For those of you old enough to remember what an answering machine is/was, the back closet at the Tap Room once hosted the “Hash Hotline”. Instead of receiving an email or a Facebook notification about the where/when of the next hash, you’d call a phone number, and in the week prior to the hash, the hare (or trailmaster) would visit the Tap Room and record the who/what/where/when of the next hash event.
In those years (let’s call them the ‘Pete’ years) you could find a framed printed hash trash written by our very own Bad Semen for the “Hill Street Brews” hash – the hash where Dogbreath (aka ‘Santa Dog’) was named. The Tap Room was host to various Hash events – from beer checks and apres to (in recent years) Mis-Spelling bees and Beer Wars.
And all the while, the beat of time went on, and the Tap Room didn’t much change as evolve over time. Unfortunately the era of neighborhood bars has changed – A bar that has a well-stocked cooler and eclectic beers on tap is not the oddity that it was 25 years ago, and patrons are more concerned with where they’re going to find a secure parking spot than a pint of Old Peculiar or a bottle of Corsendonk.
And so it was on a cold and blustery afternoon that the hash met to give the old girl a proper sending off. Our hares, Casting Couch, ExCoGi, and Bukkake met us in the parking lot of Northeast Middle School with fresh 30-packs of Hamms. A pack of (eventually) about 28 hashers joined them including a visitor from Pittsburgh and a new boot, and then headed off into the city for a hashy good time.
The hares promised some new checks -including a leapfrog check, a salmon check, and a naughty check. Those were all dispensed of in/around the Albright campus, before we headed up through the rapey woods behind the campus in search of beer, shiggy, and whatever detritus we could find. Crossing Hampden by the old Elks Club, we found instead the hares with a beer check. From there the pack headed South– some mistakenly went up the hill into the woods to find the circle at a pavilion paved with glass shards and used condoms.
The wise among us headed back down to our cars and made for the warm confines of the Tap Room. There we found some of the olds (Swamp, Flamer) who were too wise to hash when a warm room with cold beer was an option, and we were joined by some autohashers and bike hashers all there to honor the last day of the Tap Room. The hares were kind enough to buy us 13 pizzas, plus some apps and cupcakes. Glasses were raised, stories were told, and cash went flying across the bartop with the rapidity of the Los Angeles River sucking trash into the ocean.
So. Goodbye to the Tap Room. Goodbye to an institution that has been there for generations. We now focus on what’s next. Maybe not what’s next for the NETR, but what’s next for Reading, and the Hashers that call it home. We will have our downtown divebars (Tophers, Nicks etc) and we still have our suburban hash houses (Liberty, etc) but where do we find a place that’s as warm and comfortable as the Tap Room. Not sure that place is out there quite yet, but we have a good model to start from.
Thanks to the hares (Couch, Excogi, and Bukkake) for a good trail and for great memories.
ON-ON
Decoy
RH3 #1107 New Year’s Hash
Out with 2022 and in with 2023. Started out a beautiful warm day and as soon as it was time to hash it became cold and breezy. But at least no rain, way to go toh! Opto started circle and thennnn Just Karin and Toh were hares so off they went to do their live trail while we froze our underdressed asses off. I remember went through some neighborhoods then up a stupidly long winding up hill with some goats to the witches hat where we were blessed with champagne, I had two glasses because champagne is my jam. But I hate jam… anyway, from there we ran some trails to the bottom where we found the HHH! Down downs were had, some accusations were made, it was a small and quaint mellow circle likely due to festivities the evening prior. Thennnn we were off to Apre at Liberty taproom and here they had a neighborhood discount on shots… Beer and pizza were had and eagles were watched andddd our very own hare Just Karin became forever known as Nut Nibbler as she downed some kind of strong beer/cider thing like a champ. She was feeling herself that day. Happy new years fuckers. Better late than never…
on-on,
Delicious Head
RH3 #1106 / Rogue North #61
Trinity and Beulah came together to offer a Rogue North/ Reading HHH trail. It was a day meant for laying on the couch and tending to the hangover that Santa delivered the night before at the Santa Fucks the Hash. Instead a few of us eager beavers put our hangover aside and showed up ready to damage the liver all over again. And damage the liver we did. Did I mention it was cold and wet. It seemed like Tofu should have been haring.
After chalk talk, where three marks were familiar to RH3 and 84 other marks were Rogue North approved, trail set off towards the hospital.
The type A who wanted to warm up took the eagle trail. The Turkey trail went right down Penn Ave to the row of warm bars and restaurants. After hitting a back check 3,069 the Eagle group found the turkeys in Barley Mow. This wasn’t even a beer near, but just the first bar that trail ventured near, the first of several that we hit along Penn Ave. There were photo stops, fire company stops and sightings of little Fudgie at the Spruce, another non BN that necessitated a stop. Eventually we found our way back to the Sly Fox parking lot for circle. Fun and hilarity ensued. Thanks to the North for the hand warmers and company of Yolanda!!
Optopussy
RH3 #1105 Santa F*cks The Hash
After pissing on us the night before, Santa returned for our annual f*cking, courtesy of NFB and Dog Breath. A large group of half minds gathered on a bright, sunny, brisk December day, at the vast field next to Trooper Thorns. We had some visitors from the North in town for a triple header weekend. And our hare provided us with some great new cranium hab for the occasion. After a few quick instructions, we were off!
It only took a block for the entire pack to struggle to find marks, but we soon stumbled upon a check, sending us down towards the railroad tracks and Alvernia. Passing through the baseball field, the pack arrived at a parking lot and everyone searching for marks. An indoor track meet inside the building, led to track participants milling about outside the door, encouraging the half minds to “get after it” and “keep going”, completely unaware of the debauchery. Each successive check led to more aimless searching as we wound our way through the Alvernia campus, the flour changing colors with each check. As we continued through Saint Mary Cemetery and headed towards Oakbrook, the pack began to stir. Would we be stopping at the Little Brown Jug for a much needed BN? As the pack approached, a young lady employed by the fine establishment was outside the door, prompting Decoy to ask “Are you expecting us?” The wide-eyed look on her face told us everything we needed to know. We continued on, headed towards Berks Catholic High School. Trail took us down the power lines, and into thick shiggy, right to a vertical drop onto the railroad tracks below. The pack slowly descended down the steep slippery hillside. Hash horns went flying. The hash brick came careening down the hill, after an urgent “Look out!” shouted by Down In Front. I didn’t have “getting hit by a flying brick” on my hash bingo card for the day, but every hare loves when there’s some blood on their trail. After crossing the tracks, we stumbled upon (finally) a Beverage Near, with some warm, spiked apple cider. After warming up and gathering the pack, we headed straight back the SRT to our beginning point, where we circled up and did our down downs and our songs, before heading to DeCarlo’s, for Santa’s arrival. Laps were sat on, gayly wrapped gifts were open, car bombs were ordered and much to the horror of the birthday party booked on the other side of the bar, songs were sung.
Merry Hashmas!
Peeter on a Skeeter
RH3 #1104 Here Pisses Santa Hash
Livin’ it Up,
Just Karin
Free beer for all the hashers! Jesus saves! Jesus saves! Jesus saves! There was no foam. No inappropriate touching. No pulsating bodies covered in fluorescent paint. It was clean. Very clean. So clean, in fact, Dancing Fool found very little and I actually got to chat with him a bit. Happy birthday to his mom!! ( I believe he said 100! ) At the first beer check, I noticed Choo Choo and myself are both wearing top notch double entendre shirts that screamed for a hash flash. ( speaking of hash flash….whatever happened to Not Twat?) Off the pack goes to more uphills and down to our next beer near. We are positive the hares did not lay this trail. Is there a rent-a-hare company we weren’t told about? We then head back to the HHH, sang some songs, celebrated birthdays and analversaries, made the accused drink it down down down down, sang Swing Low, then followed up this shitty trail at Cocalico Tavern. 
RH3 #1084 The Old Fashioned Hash, pt. 3
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