Hash Trash 3

RH3 #1144 Welcum to Plowville Hash

After navigating the backroads of “Lancaster County” we eventually found ourselves in Narnia or as some call it Plowville. After Plow shared his markings we left the circle and we were immediately chased by the Amish Mafia before being met with the Uphill March of Death. We looked for Plowville’s mom at the top only to be met with a beer near and some dick (see photo). After wading in knee high grass we found our second beer near with 2 year old expired beer. Those that took the Eagle trail graciously brought the shots back with them and we all enjoyed some delicious Amish car bombs. After the hash ended we all indulged on some nuts and balls as a snack before taking the after party to Louie’s. We had just the steak tips, hummus, and other phenomenal food that we got out of appreciation from our hosts. The overall ranking of this course was 2/5 as there were too many fucking hills and ticks aplenty. To quote Skeeter, “I’d rather have COVID than a skunked beer”.

On-on!
Just Jeremy



RH3 #1143 Balls To The Wall Hash


On a glorious Monday Evening, Hashers began to gather shortly before 6:15pm Hash Standard Time anticipating another night of debauchery.  The virgin lay of More Balls Than Brains was upon us. As this is Reading H3, and not a social event, everyone was at the indicated starting location and ready to go.  Everyone except our hares.  More Balls Than Brains and Dances With Whores were absent.  Chatter began to circulate through those gathered.  The hares knew this was the night of the hash, correct? A few minutes after 6:15, More Balls came in hot to the Brentwood Trailhead parking lot.   As he jumped out of his SUV, covered in flour, and with enough flour on the console and floor boards to bake a cake, our virgin hare informed us that he was solo this evening.  His co-hare was too busy calling other balls to assist.

In circle, our hare provided us with the marks we probably would see on trail.  The normal marks, falses, checks, etc.  A new “U” mark we’ve never seen before, as he wanted us to follow the U to a location to heckle his co-hare, as if he wasn’t being heckled enough already.  Also, to stay on theme, we were all given a fancy disco ball necklace to wear during trail.


Off we went, heading towards Trooper Thorn’s through the field.  We found what appeared to be a check (or an arrow).  Straight down Upland Ave we went.  A few blocks down, one of Reading’s finest was standing in the street talking with a resident about the mysterious white substance in the street.  As NFB and I approached, we chuckled at what was happening, and NFB let the fine officer know it was just baking flour, nothing nefarious.  But a great way to start the hash!

We followed marks to the corner of Greenway and St Bernadine, at would be the first of many “Unchecked Checks”.   At the corner, trail visibly went in two directions.  There was no check. Was this where we would find the U?  Part of the pack continued down St Bernardine, yelling On-On.  Another group of half-wits went up Greenway, yelling On-On.  Yet a third group stood at the intersection, waiting to see who returned first. 


Eventually, the St Bernardine group returned, and on-up we went.   As the trail wound through the Kenhorst neighborhoods, no checks were to be found.  However due to ample flouring by our hare, we were able to figure out the intended path.  It led us to the church across from Ken-Grill Pool, where we found a BN.  We searched and searched, coming up empty, until our hare arrived with beer in his flour mobile. 


After the sweet nectar we are always pursuing was consumed, off to find trail once again. Flour was in all directions at the parking lot.  One small trail of flour led to a straight line of flour, which we interpreted to be a stop?  Some of the walking hashers had noted marks on the Angelica Creek Trail, so off we went.  We trekked down into the woods to another BN, missing, yep, beer.  After a minute or two of searching, our hare arrives, bag of suds in tow.  In his excitement to get us inebriated, he had gone right past his BN!   

As we parted ways, the hare informed us that the best part of trail was about to cum! Down into the creekbed we went. Our first of two water crossings greeted us as we worked our way through the woods and onto the trail to the water tower overlooking Alvernia University.  There, we would find the SN, and a glorious shot near it was! A ball themed shot near! Skrewball and Fireball, and even some Rumchata to signify that white stuff that cums from your balls (or if you wanted a mixer).  


Down the hill we went, back to the ACT, before taking a shortcut through the creek under Route 10 and into the tall grass surrounding the Alvernia campus.  Trail was located going up the hillside and emerging along Route 10 before taking us back to our starting point.  

Down-downs were done, laughter ensued, accusations were made and the co-hare made an appearance at exactly the right time to help drink for the infractions on trail.  We were then provided with “Ball Bucks” good for one free beer on the hare at the apres at The Alley Hole.  The bartender was quite adamant that she could not accept anyone’s Ball Bucks (also making it clear she has no idea what they were), before our hare arrived and set her straight.

The ball theming, the trail and the general chaos of the evening made it one of the shittiest trails of the Grand Fine-Ass’s reign of terror, and one thoroughly enjoyed by all. Well done, More Balls Than Brains!


On-On,

Peeter On A Skeeter



RH3 #1142 Red Dress Hash



RH3 #1141 Never Forget Your Wingman Hash



RH3 #1140 Total Eclipse of the Hash




RH3 #1139 Good Stuff Cheap Hash


We were blessed with a sunny, Sunday St. Patrick’s Day this year, that doubled as a hash day. What a great combination!! I mean, drinking is key to both occasions and the Reading hashers love their car bombs.  So the hashers donned the green and gathered in the Ollie’s parking lot for the, ummm *checks notes* “Good Stuff Cheap Hash”.  Not a St. Patrick’s Day themed hash?  Is the Good Stuff Cheap some Guinness?  Only time will tell.


Our solo hare, Dances With Whores, shows us the marks and says he needs a few minutes head start.  As we begin introductions, the pack watches as the hare runs in plain view down through the backside of several businesses.  Once out of sight and ample time is given, off we go.  Through the drive thru of Dunkin’ and into the trees behind Walgreens we go.  Trail following an obvious path towards Mohnton.  


An intersection at a playground confused a few of the pack for a moment, as an arrow next to a check was mistaken by the back of the pack to be a helpful arrow, but alas, it was a PA 1 Call mark and it was in the wrong direction.  Down into the creek side woods we went, through some obvious hangouts of the delinquent drinkers of Mohnton, we stumbled across our hare and a BN.   While enjoying our Hamm’s at a rather lengthy beer near by Reading standards, we notice Swampy on the other side of the creek.  Yours truly tossed Swamp a beer, and I knew immediately it was going to be a bit short.  Swamp caught it as it hit the ground in front of him and instantly became a shotgun, as a rock pierced the can.  In true hash form, Swampy knew what to do next.


Off the pack went again, soon to be faced with a choice.  A Turkey/Eagle split was found, with Eagle heading up a hill, and Turkey into a development.  The Eagle trail wound its way through a neighborhood before dropping back into a creek/drainage runoff area with many downed trees.  Our esteemed hare kept jumping the creek with his marks, ensuring we had plenty of opportunities to get our feet wet.  At the end of the drainage area, in the drain pipe, the SN was discovered.  Leprechaun Piss.  Hey, maybe it is a themed hash after all!


Up the steep hillside to the surface streets we went, and quickly met back up with the Turkey trail.  We continued on a lengthy road section to stumble onto a BN at the hare’s house! The turkeys were already on the deck enjoying a beverage as the Eagles arrived.  


After some socializing, our hare took off to lay the remainder of the trail live.  After clearly reaching the highest point in this Mohnton development, the next segment of trail was down hill as we were led out to Old Lancaster Pike. A long stretch paralleling Lancaster Pike and through the townhouse development we have seen many times brought us back to the start, and behind Ollie’s.


Songs were sung, beers were consumed, and we even had some late arrivers who showed up towards the end of circle, following trail all the way to the end.  After swinging low, it was off to Paolo’s for some more of that Good Stuff!



Peeter On A Skeeter




RH3 #1138 Leap Day Short Straw Hash


A trail on a Thursday?? Yes indeed, since it is the relatively rare February 29th! The Leap Day Short Straw Hash is announced and the anticipation mounts, especially for those of us who have never participated in one, myself included. How is this going to work? Will it just be a drunken shitshow (well we know that is almost guaranteed)?

Foot and Optopussy are our initial “hares” and we all pay a $1 to cover the cost of the straws and flour.  After enjoying a beer in the warm comfort of Sly Fox, it almost feels like we could just be “normal” people enjoying a regular Thirsty Thursday. But nope, out into the windy and frigid outdoors we go. Foot and Opto explain the rules. During the course of the evening, we will each draw straws three times. Whoever draws the short straw will then be the hare and they can lead us to whatever watering hole they like and then the process will repeat itself. Next, we all put our hand into Foot’s pocket to draw a straw, probably one of the more terrifying parts of the evening. Crack draws the first short straw, and we resign ourselves to the fact that we are going to actually have to run or at least walk a decent bit, womp, womp. He gets a few minute head start and then we are off. Are we headed to Antietam? Womelsdorf? Nope it’s our lucky day and we just run ALL OVER West Reading to come back to Barley Mow. New problem, how will our next lucky winner mark trail when there is already flour absolutely everywhere! 

After enjoying a beverage at the Mow, we all must put our hands into Foot’s pocket AGAIN and this time Tit Mouse is the lucky winner. She brings experienced short straw hare, Breast Stroker along for the adventure.  They announce that they will be laying double dots so we know which trail is the new trail. That does prevent me and a few others from forgetting this and getting back onto old trail initially. Back through town and down into the Park we go, ooops and then get back on trail to go through a parking garage and then onto Third and Spruce. We are greeted by a not too bad cover band and enjoy another round of drinks.  

Foots’ pocket one more time, this time its International Man of Pleezure. It’s getting a little later in the evening so we are all hopeful that he is heading back in the Sly Fox direction. I am jogging along with Nasty Panties and who do we see but the hare! This is great I have never caught a hare before, so I start sprinting and catch him and I do at the very last moment before he attempts to lay the H’s in front of Bar Cart I attempt to pants him because I heard that is what you do, but his pants are too tight!! IMP politely asks the kind folks at Bar Cart if we can host our Apres there and they agree.  After another beverage we finally headed outside  for closing circle including a double rendition of Hot Vagina, my very favorite song! What a great night! 

Until we meet again on Sunday, 

-ExCoGi ❤️




RH3 #1137: Old Fashion / Eat My Cherry Hash 

It was a bright and shiny Sunday afternoon in February – wait I thought Tofu was a hare? No rain ,sleet, snow, natural disasters? The greatest evidence I have seen of climate change. A group of half minds with nothing better to do on a beautiful Sunday formed a menacing group in the parking lot of Rustic Park intently listening to the instructions from their former GM hares – a J-check with no shots?? This is going to be a great one with these two in charge. Off the hares went with large backpacks full of beverages and who know what else. We all met Legal’s Uncle Tony the park ranger for the first of many many times during trail prior to setting off to chase the hares. Over the bridge and onto the trail we went. From here on out you will be getting the perspective of one of the founders of the walking club of RH3: while the runners headed up a hill and to a ridge. The smarter hashers, which unbelievably included NFB, went walking straight ahead to find trail without hills and rocks. Swamp, Foot, NFB, Sinderella, and yours truly were able to skirt the water and find the back end of trail. In doing so, we were able to enjoy Just Justin and Peeter finding J check #2 with the ever so present Hash sound “F**k”. No worries they can get extra miles in. Eventually we saw Tofu across the water with beverages which we missed on the actual trail by hashing smarter?? We chose to head straight across using the limp line to get to the HHH in a timelier fashion – or really to get to the old fashions quicker. Foot Fairy was FRB ??? Another happening that tells us this hash was totally F**cked up. Everyone made it back to circle except Just Sandie – she will drink for that one in 2026? when she cums back again. Lot of Hamms, some old fashions, allegations, something about banging GM’s (I think we missed one on that accusation), and the second fastest rendition of Swing Low ( Swampy’s SwampCycle Hash #938) are just a few of the highlights of circle so professionally run by our Grand FineAss. Off to Bruno’s, the only place on earth where COVID 19 was absent in 2020. Good beers, pizza and comradery was had by all.  

Respectfully submitted – nah f**k you all!
Breast Stroaker




RH3 #1136: 10th Anal Groundhog’s Day Hash


Ahhh, Groundhog’s Day… One of the weirdest traditions in the United States.  Thousands of people drink all night, gather at a place called Gobbler’s Knob to revel and celebrate a weather forecasting rodent.  Sounds like the perfect activity for a hash to celebrate!  But, much like the cult movie that captures the essence of the celebration, RH3 gathers every year, at the same place, to do the same thing, with the same hares, and we fall for it every year!

So, a massive contingent of wankers successfully avoided Ned Ryerson and made our way to the Antietam Lake parking lot.  Any location known for its port-a-potty glory holes is perfect for a little knob gobblin’ celebration!  Our hares, Foot Fairy and Horn O’ Plenty, gave us our prognostication.  Or lack there of. How many water crossings and trips up Polly’s driveway would we be lucky to experience this year? Just a chuckle and out we go. 

Down Angora Rd we go. A different way this year? Leaving the Park area? Have our hares gone mad?  Ahh, nope, just a slight diversion as we head back up the hill and into the park and, back to the start? For a BN!  This one is gonna be a doozy for sure!  After a quick stop for libations, up the hill and into the park we go!

Winding through the woods and trails, One Knee Wonder declares “I need to pee” and Urban Dick-tionary retorts “I want to watch”.  A hash moment like this cannot go unnoticed and in true Urban Dick-tionary fashion, I asked him what a good Urban Dictionary entry would be for this golden act.

“Pee Pee Peeper” 

We pop out on Angora Rd and we know what’s coming next.  A check to the left and there it is. A true trail mark straight up the driveway.  Up the monster hill we trek, and we are rewarded with another BN.  A nice long stop, a few pictures for the hash flash, a refreshing Hamm’s, and off we go. 

After the journey across the field behind Polly’s house, we begin a long, steep decent to the creek bed below, where we are greeted with the first water crossing of the day.  A relatively easy jaunt across a few rocks, and crossing is a success.  The pack has now split quite a bit, as we begin to ascend towards Antietam Rd.  Crossing Antietam Rd, we are faced with a steep climb up the other hillside. Once again, we were rewarded with a BN.  

As we left the BN, we realized about half the pack hadn’t been seen in quite some time.  As we descended back to Antietam Rd, trail dropped down to the dam and we saw the other half of the pack contemplating the steep climb to the BN.  The water crossing at the dam was much further across than our first crossing, and the easiest way across was not the slippery rocks, but just trudging right on through.

After crossing, we began our trek back. To Angora Rd. To our favorite driveway. Where we were now greeted with a second true trail mark and a smiley face. After another climb to the top, we found the HHH.  Hamm’s were enjoyed in the circle, as accusations flew.  Another Groundhog Day in the books. Until next February, don’t forget your booties cause it’s cold out there.


On-On, 

Peeter On A Skeeter




RH3 #1135: The Hervé Villechaize Hash

On a blustery January day, we gathered to celebrate the return of SSS for the weekend. While many of us were wishing we were on a fantasy island, our hares Crack and One Knee recited the instructions of using purple and blue colored marks on snow covered ground that perfectly blended in with the shadows of the afternoon.  Our hares took off laying trail with Opto and her keen eyes noting which direction they went.  After a generous 10 min, the pack followed suit dashing through white powder, and knowing our hares, that we’d eventually get high. 

Following blue marks, it wasn’t long before a true trail had us heading up.  Some bushwhacking, some actual trail, some falsies lead us back down to our first BN with Took My Mom to Plowville waiting with the deliciousness including fireball shots.  A few half wits took the opportunity to take a wiz by his truck, Unbeknownst to them at the time that One Knee was hiding in the back.  

We took our leisurely time at the BN with no one in a hurry to return to chomping through snow.   But finally we followed trail , which is now purple marks, further down until popping back onto Thun Trail in what appeared to be towards the start.  But a purple True Trail had us heading back up following the previous path highlighted with additional purple marks.  A couple of new flashes to throw us off but down the hill we came to our second BN which looks eerily similar to the first except the beer cooler sitting in a new location.  Thee appeared to be a Smurf murder scene in the snow. Apparently hares had a hard time deciding what to do.  We did not linger as long and trail lead us again back to Thun.  Several were ready to get to the H’s but instead were met with 5 True Trails beckoning us back up the hill. 

This made me question which hash I was doing as I was pretty sure the famous PA rodent hadn’t come out of his hole yet. Only two brave souls, as I like to refer to them as, started back up the hill over rocks, roots and trees greeted by smiley faces.  Were they smiling in encouragement or smirking at our foolishness?  This time trail did not go all the way up but instead ran parallel and eventually converged with the others.  A little more trail and we finally arrived at the H’s under the bridge. Waited a bit for the car hashers but it was cold.  So circled up.  Accusations made including hares wearing the same leggings.  Swing-low song then off to Paolo’s.  More good times were had and the story behind SSS’s name revealed.  


On-on bitches!

Nut Nibbler




RH3 #1134: Champagne Problems Hash

RH3 #1133: New Couch Day Hash

RH3 #1132: Foot Fairy and Just Dave Hash


RH3 #1131: Santa F*cks The Hash

On a pleasantly delightful second Saturday of December, a large group of half minds met for their annual fucking by Santa, gathering once again in the field next to Trooper Thorn’s.  Our esteemed hares, NFB and Dog Breath, provided everyone with a wonderful sleigh bell bracelet (or anklet? Or cock ring? YMMV) and showed us the marks we were looking for, including stressing (heavily) that checks go in 369 degrees.

Off the pack went, heading down towards the Brentwood trailhead, and under the first bridge crossing on the Thun Trail, where trail went under the bridge to a check directly under the bridge.  Several FRBs had already crossed the bridge, completely missing this 369 degree check that led to trail ABOVE the check.  Oh well, it was a well thought curveball. 

Down the shiggy hill to the water’s edge is where trail led next, taking us through some of Reading’s finest waterfront property, as well as some thick shiggy and overgrown brush.  Trail would soon begin to take on some elevation, going straight up the side of Neversink’s power line trail.  As the sweaty, exhausted pack reached the top, our hares were waiting with cold, frosty beverages at the BN.  Except they weren’t. A hot concoction greeted us, as Santa drove it in deep once again.

Down the hill we went into Reading, dropping off the railroad tracks at the burned out shell of the old Reading brewery, and onto the surface streets.  Winding through town and onto cAnal St, we soon found a tricky little check past the Bingaman St Bridge, that once again led us to trail above.  A quick jaunt down the SRT got us back to Trooper’s and the HHHs, and the beer we all desperately wanted while on trail.

Down downs were done, we swung low, and headed downtown to DeCarlo’s, for the anal celebration of gayly wrapped gifts, car bombs, wings and, in a twist, the male hashers leading us in the 12 Days of Hashmas. And making sure that all of Reading knew what Santa was there to do, some half minds even took a moment for a phallic pose at the 5th & Penn Christmas Tree.  Until Santa cums down your chimney next year, Merry Hashmas!

Peeter on a Skeeter




RH3 #1130: Legal's LeTits Hash


This was in October so bear with me…I remember there were a lot of half minds all gathered at Schlegel Park and I think it was rainy. There were no marks laid in circle and I believe the hares drank for that later. The beautiful Legal Easy and equally as lovely, Schmamazon Prime, gave the pack some directions and we were off. We started off in the general erection we were given but there were no marks to be found. Foot said to follow him so I did, and GingerSnatch accompanied us as well. Stupid Brother was up ahead so I knew I was in good hands. Eventually, a couple of marks were seen on route 10 heading toward Trooper Thorns and then went into the trail. We pushed on down the trail into Brentwood where the pack lost the scent and we ran all over the trail above the road until Bukakke found trail down below to the right and we found out first beer near….which was not labeled (they drank for that too). The BN was in a cool spot if you’re aren’t homeless, but if you are, it was probably just okay. Anyway, after that we moved along back toward where we came from. It gets a little dicey for my memory from there, but here goes. We went back across route 10 toward Oakbrook but alas, another fake out. We followed marks, I think, but I was in the back. I know we went through the graveyard down to LBJ where we had a beer with the locals. We took a picture with Mandy Tits’s sister and some drinks were had with the beautiful women of the Little Brown Jug (insert image of not so beautiful women here). The pack finished up and took off toward The new Holy Name where there was a split as to where to go. At this point, my group was not on trail but we pressed on through some cool woods behind BC. Once we hit some pretty rough shiggy, GingerSnatch and I thought we could circumvent and headed  back out to try a different route. We hit a fence and had to go into some poor schmuck’s yard to get to the other side of the trail. This was a long haul back to the start where we heard Down In Front’s horn blowing at us, so we worked our way  up the hill to a pavilion where we joined circle already in progress. We drank for being DFL’s and not following our trusty leaders, dodged some patrol cars, and wrapped up a lovely hash by two beautiful bimbos. Afterward, we all headed to Chatty Monks, (north side location), where the lovely Papoosy let me get naked in her car so I could change to watch the Eagles game. A great day from what I recall. Sorry this took so long Skeeter. Over and Out! 

Hot for Teacher




RH3 #1129: Just A Pussy Hash


Ok. So my bad- This Hash Trash is cumming in a little late! So many F’n rules to this hashing ! I thought our beautiful leader was just trashing me for being there late! Actually, I didn’t know I was supposed to do the write up too! F’me.  guess I will have to drink more! So after a few beers and as many weeks I will try to remember the trail.
We started off in circle with a large group of fellow degenerates with me being the last one in. Onto the trail we went through the brush we’re I am sure the middle school kids go to drink and smoke behind the school (future hashers no doubt!) Through the woods we went with many running the hills (many accusations for that!). Up and over and up again until we got to a S/N but instead of getting a shot on the rocks all we got after searching was the rocks! Hares we’re going to pay for that!
We followed the trail on down on a leaf littered beautiful fall trail to our first B/N at Opto’s families abode were we gave her 💩 for no S/N. 🥃
From there we went back into the woods in search of more shiggy beer. 🍺Up and up we went on another climb on the trail until we found a cache of liquid goodness to still our beating hearts! After a short break the fellowship headed down the trail sensing we were getting close to finishing the trail and getting back into civilization. Dances with Whores decided to do the right thing and run back up the hill to gather the discards and drag them back down. By now it was the two of us with the rest of the wankers long gone. 😳 Down we went until we got to the cemetery and by then DWW was ‘dead’ from carrying the extras down and left them at the cemetery so we could save ourselves!
The hash continued through the city with people looking at us and I am sure the rest of the crew before us as we were stupid or something yelling on-on to each other all the way back to the circle just in time to ease our thirst on a beautiful day!
At circle there was plenty of drinking from multiple accusations, and a new one- spouses of Grand Masters had to drink. And another hasher got named- ‘One Knee Wonder’s ‘Just Mark’ is now known as ‘Urban Dick-tionary’. The circle around the fire pit was disbanded and balls (meat) were served along with more shiggy beers. It was a great day to hash!


Just Fred




RH3 #1128: Prickly Horn Halloween Hash


After a few days of tantalizing teasers from our hares, the usual suspects and some foreign derelicts began to gather on a dreary Sunday afternoon in Prickly Tits’ parking lot; an assortment of out-of-towners had made the trek to see what tricks these fine harriettes had up their skirts. Many of those assembled had attempted to honor the upcoming bewitching holiday with their attire (love those mermaid tights, Couch), although there was a notable lack of festive spirit among RH3’s eldest hashers. There were footballers, Phanatics, felons, Fireball, a firefighter, a Father, a frau, any many more. Following introductions, the pack was off in pursuit of what nonsense the hares had in store – finally trail was found leading us up, up, and up into – appropriately, a graveyard! We skirted the dead to our first beer stop where everyone was treated to an aromatic buzz courtesy of some medicinal potion DeathWish produced from his EMT bag. From there, it was back down into living civilization as the neighbors gave bewildered stares from their porches, curious as to what on earth this costumed contingent of lost humans could possibly be doing. 
We trekked through a golf-course-turned-housing-development (RIP Village Greens) until finding our hares and some tasty pudding shots (except Crack, who had detoured to the local pizza shop for a slice to enjoy with his beer). Exhausted, the pack played Frogger across Penn Ave before making their way west through alleys and bar parking lots, and deep into the woods, until they stumbled upon a coffin to fit a 3-year old, filled with… beer! After a brief refuel, Screams Like a Bitch led the way through the deserted back alleys of a Halloween theme park filled with severed heads and torture devices… clearly a place of more tricks than treats (unless you’re into that shit). Most emerged unscathed, to pleasantly discover the HHH right across the street, adorned with a most Hash-appropriate display of Hamms and cheeseballs. I even caught Bad Semen smiling upon finding the trifecta of these and our lovely hare Horn O’Plenty all in one location. Our Grandest-Ass OptoPussy led circle where accusations of baldness, running, and not being from RH3 kept us standing outdoors until the gentle mist became a pleasant cold rain. Thankfully our hares produced a lovely spread of warm chili, dog fur, and some higher alcohol beverages to warm our spirits. Until we can be together again… in this life or the afterlife… On, On, Bitches!


Legal Easy




RH3 #1127: Nibblin’ Bitches Nuts Hash


Ahhh, the calendar has turned to October.  The leaves have begun to change, the air has turned cooler and the days have gotten shorter, meaning it’s time for RH3 to move the hashes back to Sundays.  It was a perfect fall day for a hash, but our hashers were spread across Europe, or doing “Type A” activities, or just otherwise occupied.  A jovial group of half-minds headed to the On-On, venturing under the Lindbergh Viaduct, to the ruins of the East End Athletic Club.  Our hares, Nut Nibbler and the newly-minted Screams Like A Bitch, provided that highly sought libation, Hamm’s, and informed us that we would find the standard marks. With the sounds of the Puerto Rican Day Parade After-Party echoing through the city, the pack headed off in search of flour, immediately finding a False off of the first check.  After some brief confusion, trail was located in Pandora Park and we were off. Through the city we went, climbing the “slightly sloped” 17 1/2 St towards Neversink.  Into the Preserve we went, following the trails to a Beer Near, near a nice fire ring with remnants of a prior muggle beer near.  Stories and laughs were shared, as we wondered where our trail-loving hares were going to take us next.  Down the mountain we went towards St. Peter Cemetery, with the soundtrack of the party at the Pagoda reverberating through the city.   This may be the first hash in the history of RH3 to feature a native soundtrack during the entire duration of the trail.  


Through the neighborhoods we went, drawing strange looks from the locals on their porches, enjoying libations and other indulgences.  Tour de Puke would later share that he thought better of the urge to yell “Are you on, Crack?” while checking at a check, for fear of giving the residents the wrong impression. Towards City Park we headed, following trail as we went through the City Bandshell.  As we pushed up Walnut St towards Mount Penn, the Party at the Pagoda raged louder.  A shot stop was located at the top of Walnut St., and as we indulged in the Pumpkin Spice Whiskey our hares provided, we couldn’t help but notice Beulah Ballbreaker’s truck parked nearby.  If only she knew there was a shot stop mere steps from her humble abode.


As the trail continued up the side of Mount Penn, the blazing beats of Bad Bunny intensified.  Were we really headed to the Pagoda? Did our hares really lead us right into the raging party?  As we climbed closer, up the steps to the Pagoda, the music was so loud, the On-On’s could no longer be heard.  The small but mighty pack stayed close together, finding that, to our relief, trail turned in front of the Pagoda and avoided the party area. Probably for the best. 


After heading down Duryea Dr from the Pagoda, amongst the rowdy beats, and the loud vehicles going up and down the mountain, confusion abounded at a check.  The pack decided to head down the mountain, away from the ruckus, eventually catching up to the flour marks left for us by the hares.  Through Egelman’s Park we went, and into Mineral Springs Park we went.  The pack was together, spotting our hares at a pavilion that clearly had seen better days.  As the pack crossed the HHH, the FRB and the DFL were separated by mere seconds, likely a record for any RH3 hash in history, maybe any hash ever.  


Hamm’s was consumed, accusations were made, stories were told, laughs were shared and songs were song. A great trail with its own soundtrack. And the only nibbling done was on the orange crunchy food.


On-On,

Peeter on a Skeeter




RH3 #1126 39th Analversary Hash

The residents at the corner of Plymouth Place and Reading Boulevard were once again blessed with a group of drunk idiots assembling in front of their homes. “Must be anal time!”, they thought, probably. Not a single virgin in sight, apparently they are scared of anal? After a not-brief-enough history lesson from Bad Semen (which included some photos that he printed out of his fax machine), Any Crack’ll Do was out of site and the rest of the degens decided it was time to go find him. On-On!  One would think 39 years of stumbling through the same area would yield efficient results. But, as the checks appeared, the group split up more and more, as if they didn’t know where this was going. A few brave souls entered a tunnel, while the less-dumber folks patiently waited for them to inevitably turn around and re-emerge minutes or days later, with permanent spine misalignment. Carrying on through Wyo, drunk and confused, the group worked together in the hopes of finding a happy ending. Finally, a beer near! It only required stepping over a tiny creek. Not surprisingly, more than one uncoordinated half-wit managed to face plant themselves in the three inches of mighty Wyo whitewater rapids, showing up to the BN dripping in Reading waste water runoff and shame. After mocking one another over a fine beverage, we proceeded on to finish this shit show. Through the dense and uninhabitable forest, we were finally “rewarded” with the H’s. The reward part was questionable, as there were no beers in site. You had one job Crack… Anyway, more hashers trickled in, beer eventually showed up, and a circle was formed after a bit of discussion about leaving Bad Semen wondering out in the woods like a senile old man. Since that’s what he does every other day anyway, the circle commenced. Optopussy threatened the FRB with a drug test yet again (maybe someone should drug test HER?) Two of our finest members were named, Just Mark became Screams Like a Bitch, and Just Curtis became 50 Cent Coitus. Songs were sung mostly correctly, and the group departed the woods, only to regather at Oakbrook Brewing after cleaning themselves up from the evenings shameful activities. ‘Til next year, Plymouth & Reading!

Just Justin



RH3 #1125 Life’s A Beach Hash

The group of degenerates gather at Brentwood for Just Mark’s virgin haring with the help of Nasty Panties.  Directions were given. The hares made sure we knew that, although Tofu wasn’t haring, the rain gods still wreaked their havoc and they had to lay trail twice. The group split up as soon as we parted ways. So much for thinking that being laid twice in one day would make the trail easier than a fifth street whore.  We wrapped through Alvernia. I’m not sure if Dances and Crack were looking for beer or coeds as they blew past a few checks and passed the first beer near. The rest of us found the delicious beer of Jaws… Narragansett. Did I mention Just Mark almost became shark chum the previous week due to a surf board incident?  After whetting our whistles we were off again. Next beer near was in Schlegel park where the FRB pack could watch the walkers all roll in like zombies in search of beer. Back to the SRT for a nice flat finish to circle. A few type A’s (Nut Nibbler- no surprise there and Breaststroker- under duress of the possibility of Legal whipping him if he doesn’t get his daily steps) walked past circle to complete their daily mileage. Songs were paired with a beautiful sunset. Short and sweet before we were left in the dark and told to head to Paolo’s for Apres. 

On-on
Optopussy




RH3 #1124 RIBBED…For Your Pleasure Hash


The band of degens circled up in front of Excitement Video. No virgins in sight, typical of Shillington.  A dick-off broke out, Vanna had the shortest and was handsomely rewarded. Decoy appeared to give directions, however, no-one could hear him over his music.


Some assholes were eager to go, but Opto reigned them in for introductions. On-On, we gone.


Soon a creek crossing, a jungle like path, checks a plenty.  Then in a random back alley, yells of “beer near, shot near”.  Finally a cold Hamm’s!  What could be better?  How about a blowjob, some cheesy meat, salty balls and dangerous flames.


Then another creek crossing and hills.  Us “local legends” from the glorious decades of the ’80’s and ’90’s yearned for a delicious meal from Dempsey’s (AKA Dumpster’s”).  Instead, we got more f’ing hills.


Finally we circled up in the beautiful Fawn Hill hop yard, many thanks to honorary new members Just Jeff and Just Destiny.  Songs, shiny headed men, accusations, a drug test, GM’s and down-downs.  An almost angelic rendering of Swing Low, then off to Paolo’s for pizza, wings and beer.


On-On, Just Shawn




RH3 #1123 The Cougar’s Breast Crack Float Hash

The fabulous hash Float! The on-on began on a strange street, with lots of curious neighbors, peeking out their windows, and pretending to pull weeds as they stared us down. We circled up on this  strange street to start #1123 ironically at 11:23. Weird.
 We started our jaunt roaming around some streets. Heading  through some old trails that we hashed once before had a beer stop at a  beer stop that we had before. I know original, right. We ran some more and then we arrived at a parking lot, where Cougar was so nice to give us all blow jobs.
With most of our inflatables, nice and hard, we circled up. Songs were sung, drinks were drank, two people were called out for sitting down at the hash circle, imagine that. Then we all headed towards the water. The glorious water, on a glorious day!  the float ❤️ just so worth it. Our little flotilla stayed together, drinks we enjoyed. Vanna’s smoke  kept the insects away. Just Jeremy raided an island party to curb his munchies. Foot, Schmamazon and Breast had a threesome. Choo choo  worked her herding skills. Cougar Baited a ton of fish. We couldn’t ask for a better day. 
We all exited up a bushy slope that was over grown and thick like the snatch of yesteryear. When a bush was a bush. 
We gathered at the Apres  for more beer, more beer, more beer and a lil bit of pizza,
As always the float NEVER disappoints.
Love u longtime !
Choo Choo




RH3 #1122 The Dog Days of Summer Hash

                                          

The evening started out pleasant enough, the temperature was mild, the humidity non-existent, there were dogs to pet, fellow hashers to chat and of course beer to guzzle. Just Brittni and Nut Nibbler led off introductions, unfortunately there were no virgins in attendance. The Hares proceeded to explain the trail markers, and right away we could tell something was up with the flour. There were rumors floating around that an expensive rice flour was used, more on that later. Off went the half wits blazing through the backyards of Blandon. On one, one two, ON-ON was cried out into the sweet summer air. Trail was easy enough to follow until it all went to shit. Half of the group was split up by an oncoming locomotive on the Reading railroad. This would lay the groundwork for the confusion that ensued. After the train passed the group continued on, much to our surprise the group ahead of the train was not able locate trail, what the hell. On and on we went searching for the coveted BN. Somehow, probably by miss reading a check, we stumbled on Nut Nibbler hunkered down in the bushes with a cooler of adult beverages. We were offered beers and we took them. Down in Front sounded the horn, and so we waited for our fellow hashers to join us for libations . However, our fellow hashers were no where to be seen! Zip, zilch, nada. The only souls that responded to the sound of the horn were some horses chilling on the farm across the street, they must have been old derby horses or something. From there the “elite 8” as the group was dubbed, continued to press on, much to our dismay we had a difficult time locating the trail, that was until a late arrival pointed us in the right direction of true trail, thank you brother! Most of the pack believed the expensive rice flour was to blame, it could have been, or could have just been the beer talking. Anyways, the trail led us into a creek, and everyone rejoiced when SN was spotted in the distance underneath the bridge. Pickle-jalapeño whiskey shots and peach ring gummy bear shots were enjoyed by the aforementioned elite 8. Being the half wits we are we did not realize we had to mix the whiskey in with the pickle juice, oh lord! However, we were successful on the second shot attempt. After shots were consumed, we found the trail leading us out of the creek and back to civilization. We started to get the impression that the other group of hashers had created their own trail back to HHH. Seriously not a bad idea. Up the hill we walked and as we passed the Blandon water tower we knew we were near the end, thank god because my beer buzz was starting to fade. We arrived back to Just Brittni’s house for HHH and the circle jerk. Songs were sung, accusations were made and bald guys drank. Everyone enjoyed the remainder of the evening relaxing in the back yard, drinking IPA’s, Hamm’s, homemade margaritas and eating square pizza. Some of the luckier ones even left with a bushel of vegetables from Just Brittni’s impressive garden. 


Just Pat



RH3 #1121 Down In Ginger Snatch Hash

All the halfwits gathered on a hot, humid Monday evening in the parking lot of the former Gold’s gym for Trail #1121 (almost half way Opto). A nice crowd for a Monday evening hash. Two virgins graced us with their presence – Just J female and Just J male (I don’t recall their actual names but I do remember their initial – car bomb’s do things to one’s memory center in the brain). After tennis ball bouncing instructions and introductions of the pack went. Cougar and NFB vying for the lead. From this point forward I have no idea where the pack went or how things turned because I was very hot and sore from the Rogue North (Dancing Fool) hash the day prior, thus I hashed smarter with Foot, Schmamazon, Just Mims, and Swamp at a much more “Ginger” pace. We arrived at the lot of Van Scoy (address 1121 – coincidence? Conspiracy? What does 1121 mean?) after a treacherous 0.1 mile uphill climb to wait for all the running folk for Beer Near #1. PBR’s flowed; lots of water was drank – I guess people were sweating a lot. We were not. Off the pack went. This time the runners beat us to the garage at Down in Front Ginger homestead in the beautiful borough of Wyomissing. Even the alleys are nice there. Back to Ginger’s place again for HHH and circle. Beer bitch duties were “partially” done by Partial Erection or partially shitty. Lots of good songs from Tour, plenty of PBR, bald guys, GM’s, and Opto got swing low correct – what a great circle. Where is the apres? THE HOOD!!! Decarlo’s – our diverse friends missed us from Penn St. Tavern at Red Dress and Santa in December. Ginger and Down in Front were gracious hosts with wings, fries, and green stuff for the healthy folks. Plenty of beer. Foot had some green drink with a red bull -this made Schmamazon happy until …. Car Bombs then she was ecstatic. Great to see Shrinkage, Cougar, Dumb and Dumber as well as all the drunks that regularly attend these events to take us away from real life. Thank you to Ginger and Down in Front for your trail, short-cut, and the generous apres. See you drunk bastards at the next sauna fest – don’t forget the float coming up!!

We missed you Horn and Bad
Breast Stroaker




RH3 #1120 July 4th Hash


Hares: Decoy, Toefu, Foot Fairy, Flamer


430 am alarm goes off and groans of hashers can be heard all over Berks… why am I getting up sooo early?!?  Well because it’s one of the best days of the year for a Reading hasher!! The Fourth of July Hash! We all managed to find the new start location since gate closures and blow jobs rendered our previous fire tower start unusable. So behind the old Captains Cove we welcomed four virgins (just Ethan, just sheri, just jeremy? And just someone else). We circled to sweet sounds of prideful American songs while we sipped PBRs, all as the sun was rising.  On- on: Of course we hit the fire tower where there were no blow jobs but a cooler of sweet PBR.  Then on to the Pagoda for a champagne near which was more like an orange juice near because Flamer thought two bottles of champagne would be enough for 50 people.  Finally we wound down past the Liederkrantz and apparently missed a shot near.  Probably due to a good mixture of part drunk and part still asleep. We finally circled back at the cove parking lot. Virgins were called out. Accusations were made: ruckasacking type A shit, Flamers inability to buy enough champagne, blood on trail, bald things, grandmasters, “Karen’s”. We took a moment to honor our veterans with a down down and even then Foot said circle needed to go longer. So how does a GM extend circle??? You ask Deathwish to sing a song.  Soo about an hour later we made it to Reifton Fire Company for apres. 🚗💣, breakfast and beers all before 9 am. How, as a hasher, can you not love this day?  


On-on

Optopussy




RH3 #1119 The Pink Horn Hash

This edition of hash trash was written by a robot. Only names were changed by One Knee Wonder to incriminate the identities of the guilty. Cheers!
Once upon a time in a peculiar town called Reading that had a knack for eccentricities, there existed a running group known as RH3. They were an odd bunch, fueled by both their passion for running and their love for a particular golden elixir – beer. This merry band of runners gathered every week, combining their love for fitness and indulgence in a way only they understood.
Led by an enigmatic character named Optopussy, and with the help of Horn of Plenty and Two in the Pink,  the hashers embarked on runs like no other. They would assemble at the edge of a dense forest, staring into the wilderness with a mixture of curiosity and excitement. You see, they didn't have a pre-planned route. Instead, they relied on a trail of flour scattered by a mysterious hare, whose identity was forever concealed.
With a boisterous cry of "On-On!" echoing through the trees, the hashers would venture into the unknown. They navigated the labyrinth of foliage, following the white trails of flour as if it were a lifeline, guiding them deeper into the heart of nature's embrace.
However, they were not without their quirks. Among them were a few hashers who possessed an uncanny ability to locate shortcuts, which often resulted in mixed outcomes. Some hailed these hashers as geniuses, while others questioned their sanity. These self-proclaimed intellectual adventurers believed they could outsmart the trail and reach the beer quicker.
And so it happened, on a fateful run, the smartest (or perhaps the dumbest) of these hashers discovered a secret path through the undergrowth. They sprinted, cutting their distance in half, convinced they had outwitted both the hare and their fellow halfwits. But as they emerged onto a clearing, they realized their mistake. They had only found half the beer.
Confused and slightly disappointed, the hashers regrouped in a circle known as the "circle of trust." They formed a bond forged by their shared adventures, cracking jokes, swapping tales, and indulging in a peculiar tradition. Each hasher munched on orange crunchy snacks, a symbol of camaraderie, while raising their beer-filled vessels for down-downs. Laughter and merriment filled the air as they toasted their endeavors.
After their ritual was complete, they migrated to a local watering hole affectionately called Bertie's, or sometimes referred to as "bird titties" in their own whimsical slang. It was a haven where stories were woven like intricate tapestries, where both truth and fiction intermingled freely.
Inside Bertie's, they gathered around a table, their eyes wide with anticipation, ready to listen to the tales shared by their eccentric compatriots. On that particular night, a peculiar story was whispered, originating from an outsider known only as the Wanderer. With a twinkle in his eye and an air of mystery, he spoke of forbidden desires and grand obsessions. In hushed tones, he divulged the enigmatic tale of "Bad Semen" and his insatiable longing for a monumental symbol, an overwhelming desire for a "big cock" that surpassed even the fear of death itself.
As the night unfolded, the hashers reveled in the absurdity of the tale, finding solace in the fact that their running escapades were not the only oddities in this whimsical world they called home. And so, with laughter echoing through the walls of Bertie's, they embraced the quirkiness that bound them together, their running group intertwined with the spirit of forever chasing trails, laughter, and the promise of beer.

One Knee Wonder




RH3 #1118 The Love Hash


Was a splendid night for a gathering of RH3’s finest as well as some out of towners and two virgins. While we waited for our hares, Hot for Teacher and Any Crack’ll Do to cum, we were awed by the creativity of some halfwit who utilized every last brain cell to lay out the remnants of previous hashes into a beautiful “1118” in the dusty lot. Finally, our hares arrived, and we circled up as Decoy led the way. Evidently, our GM decided she would rather not associate with this heinous crew and was unacceptably absent from the festivities. Introductions were made, Crack provided instructions and we were on our way.

The motley crew meandered through the Flying Hills Village searching for the white stuff. Alas we were “On-on.” Our hares had us chasing each other in circles as we searched for the 1st BN. Across the golf course we galloped with unsuspecting spectators witnessing the spectacle. As sweat, or the previous night’s endeavors seeped from our pores, we trudged up the hill to a welcome sight…BN! We gathered in the woods momentarily to down, down some of the “good” stuff. After a few moments of jovial convening, we were on our way again. 

We followed the trail through woods and fields to reach the next BN or maybe BF (beer far). As the crew trudged up the hill, through the high grass (and what may have been saw blades), the black backpack full of liquid delightfulness was in sight. The only thing better than the view from the top of the mountain was listening to Vanna exclaim her disdain for her less than stellar sucking skills. 

Back down the hill, through the field of screams and On to trail. Next task at hand was following the powder across Philadelphia Ave. while our sphincters puckered as speeding cars barreled past. Initial thought was our hares were trying to thin the RH3 herd. Being that 80% of the herd never made it to this point, our hares were unsuccessful in their endeavors. As we stumbled over the unsuspecting homeless under the bridge, we reached the H’s. Many beers were drank waiting for the rest of the half minds to arrive at circle. “Why are we waiting!!!” Their less-than-ideal decision-making skills hampered by over consumption at the 2nd BN, had them make a right on trail, instead of a left and ended up going back to their cars. 

Once the derelicts returned in their vehicles, circle was formed, songs were sung, down downs were had, announcements were made, and everyone swung low. It was then on to Teacher and Crack’s place for further festivities.


On-On

Just Mark




RH3 #1117: Summer of ’69’ Hash

69'd to the finish line. Started off packed with beers and celebrating messed up Mondays with a cheer! Everyone went Hamm, some deciding to run up hill not fearing the unknown. Wobbly rocky terrain with no pain no gain. The thirsty goers were quenched with 3 boobies near (BN). Seeing the squirting water tower. But it was no match for Cougar Bait, as he slayed the climb to get on top. 4 virgins were sacrificed to the lambs. Just Jeremy, Just Lea, Just Jule and Just Mike. No PN stop but that doesn't stop the unlimited PN locations for alone time. Ending with a nice slide home right inside Swampy. Testing endurance, stamina and the orgastic adventures of life. Until the next cum sesh.

Vanna Blackout





RH3 #1116: Red Dress


A very good turnout of at least 50 Hashers showed up for this years Red Dress Run (Save the Boobies Fundraiser) being held back at West Reading Fire Department Social Quarters.

We were greeted by Beulah serving up some tasty prelube beverages. It's an especially great start to this hash with Papussy & Indian Queef in attendance and not to mention Fudgy & In U end O being able to make the long trek back to Reading for this event.


Next up was a short walk to where Circle was going to be held, our ball sack showing hare, Breast, giving the detalls of what flour markings we would be searching for. Opto, our beautiful GM, called the lone virgin Just Colton into Circle for some last final instructions. The introductions were made and then we were off search for trail. 


Once found, trail led us across the Buttonwood Street Bridge and into the city searching for our first BN located at Grill then Chill, but what's this, our very first BN false. Im guessing this was due to the fact that Grill then Chill wasn't even open at this time of the day. Nice research hares.


The pack continued on, but was slightly derailed for a few minutes due to what appeared to be some local having an adverse reaction to some previously ingested drugs. Two ambulances showed up to deal with this poor fellow, which allowed the hashers to continue on trail where our first legit BN was found, which pretty much just happened to be in the middle of the 8th and Oley intersection. At least we had beer this time. Beers were drank, a few photos were taken before the pack was back on the move again. 


After just a few short blocks on trail beers were flowing again at our next BN stop Puerta del Sol. Pretty sure this was everyones first visit to this fine establishment. Next up, trail brought us to the Penn Street Tavern, where we celebrated, along with their great regular patrons, the grand opening of their brand new outdoor patio. A few lucky hashers actually even came away with some beautiful plastic flowers. 


Next it was back across the river, where trail led us to the HHHs, located underneath the billboard entering West Reading. Down Downs were drank a few accusations were made, Stink Finger proceeded to climb the billboard for one

last photo and then it was off to the Apres. 


This year’s auction was held with Swamp being assisted by the very entertaining Just Chris, who, at the conclusion, earned her the aptly naming of Vanna

Blackout. 


Another great Red Dress Run is in the books, Thanks to Beulah and Rainbow for getting us just a little boozed up and to the hares Breast, Swamp and Hotlips for putting on such a great hash event!!


On

On

OLD News




RH3 #1115 Cheaper By The Dozen Bakery Bash


  We gathered under leaden skies in a gravel lot in Blandon. A curious blend of chocolate chip cookie and mushroom shit permeated the air. Hares Stupid Brother and Dry Dolly had been working diligently, laying a trail consisting of tiny pinches of a powdery substance. Since our GM was absent (skewed priorities…in my opinion), the Queen of the Hash, Horn A’Plenty graced us with her divine leadership. The usual assortment of reprobates struggled in vain to assemble anything approximating a circle. Instructions were given, introductions made and we saddled up.

  Our first challenge was to cross Park Rd alive, which to the best of my knowledge, we all accomplished. We wove between houses, then ended up traversing a series of backyards. Thanks to the weekend downpours, it was like riding on loose sand, punctuated by dodging the occasional boggy sinkhole. Terre eventually firmed up and we scurried through neighborhood byways, ending up at our first driveway BN of the night. As we approached our stop, the skies felt it was high time to urinate on our Motley Crew. Temporarily quenched, we rolled by rows of perfectly edged lawns and the occasional garden gnome until marks grew puzzling. They were ON…we were ON?? Who cares…2nd BN! There, we were treated to a viewing of Breast’s technicolor ass, compliments of a recent cycling reacquaintment with Mother Earth.  

  Ponying up…the usual FCBs led us thru several more roadkill zones and back to the blessed HHHs. 

  Circle was mercifully short…owing to the fact that we old GM fucks have forgotten most of the songs and shit. Well…that, and we just wanted to drink. 

  We adjourned to the Panderia (that’s bakery to all of you unilingual folks) for pizza, cookies, beer…and more beer.  


Cycle On, Garth!

ToeFU




RH3 #1114 The Flours of Narnia Hash

A larger than expected group of half minds gathered near The Highlands on our first Monday night of the season, not to turn in our early reservations for future diaper changing care, but to pound a quick Hamm’s and listen to Swamp relive his glory days of being GM in circle. It was finally time for Just Curtis to put down his training wheels and lay some trail with the best sidekick out there, Peeter on a Skeeter! (I may be slightly biased!)
After slightly introducing the virgin to marks and allowing our hares about 36.9 minutes to get a head start, we set out to catch those bastards. Wyomissing Park played a beautiful backdrop for our adventure. I don’t know that I’ve heard it called Narnia before, but it certainly was a night for lions, witches and matching Cougar’s 50th hash wardrobes from our twinning hares. 
Compared to many hashes there was ample flour laid and the number of checks made me take my shoes off to use my toes to help count. There was a creek crossing that some of us in the back successfully avoided while others trudged their way through it on the way to BN #1.  
Trail had a striking backwards resemblance to a recent analversary with BN #2 safely tucked off the side of 222 where the sound barriers kept us safe from the imminent danger of Reading drivers. 
As dusk quickly approached we all circled up on the hill in the woods behind the school bus lot. We declared the shittiness of the trail, scared the virgin with questions and, wait for it, made Foot drink for RUNNING UP HILL!  Like Halley’s Comet, it’s an event we probably won’t see for another 76 years. Sorry to those who missed such a sight!! 
Aprés was pizza and brews at Paolo’s where Decoy and Stink graced our presence and made guest appearances. 

Hashfully yours,
Pretty When I’m Drunk



RH3 #1113 Erin Go Bragh-less Hash


On one of the last winter mornings we all gathered by a patch of trees just beyond a quarry of despair.   Car back rang out over and over.  

Circle was formed.  Hot for Teacher's virgin was introduced having been convinced to come out after a night of drinking.  Smart choices! 


The hares Stink Finger and Ricky Dobby gave us instructions (well some) and off we went.  We all quickly ignored the clear false and On-On rang out along the valley.  After a quick jaunt through a field we quickly reached the Beer-Shot-Near.  Irish Car Bombs were drunk minus the curdling.  


Trail was quickly picked up as we fought off Mother Natures brutal bid to blow us.  After a bit of road pounding we were pleased to find Beer Near.  The contents of a trash bag in the creek were procured.  Old beer was drank and discussions of bad hash habits levied.  


Onward into Mother Natures stiff breeze.  Whats this?  Two True Trail markings, no just too much to drink the night before.  The Turkey and Eagle split was upon us.  Most decided to console their previous nights actions by taking Turkey.  A quick venture through the neighborhood.  Four too drunk to read souls took to Eagle.   The local neighbors yelled out encouragement and praise of their stupidity.  A false was checked and Eagle quickly joined back up with Turkey.


More roads but this time with the wind at our assholes.  Is that HHH in the distance?  No one wanting to be DFL a slow sprint ensued.  All were pleasantly rewarded with a suckle of Roids nipple.  Circle was formed.  The virgin was asked if she had learned anything, she had not.  Her teacher was slacking.   Many accusations  were formed as too much beer (not enough?) was poured.  Songs were sung and the hash came to an end.


On-Out

Just David




RH3 #1112: Your Comfort Is Our Primary Concern Hash


The Hash gathered on the shores of beautiful Antietam lake with some proudly displaying new hab that was not at all trademark infringement of a local brewery. Decoytis Interruptus provided instructions, we only half listened. Flamer and Roadkill assured us that the trail had been designed for our comfort and safety. Quickly we dispersed, and after several minutes of general confusion and silence “ON ONE” rang through the woods and off we went, the trail only went one way…Up, then up and then up some more.

Soon we found reprieve with the sound of “Beer Near” and  fortified ourselves with glorious room temperature PBR. Off we went again and soon left the trail and found some shiggy, then shiggy with rocks, then shiggy in a swamp, then uphill and then uphill with shiggy and rocks. Some of us nearly lost shoes, others were beginning to lose our nerve when ‘Shot near’ was called out! We stood in the shadow of the mythical Mt. Penn beer vault (unsealed contrary to local news reporting) and drank comforting shots that would fuel us on the rest of our journey. 

Some false trails were followed, but eventually we found the glorious HHH.  Our reward was hoagies and more beer (some of which was brewed during the first Obama administration). We attempted to make a circle but were hindered by still more shiggy. Songs were song, accusations were had, announcements were made, and everyone swung low.


On Out

Just Brittni




RH3 #1111: Living on Easy Stroke Hash


A beautiful, pleasantly warm February afternoon greeted the half minds, as they met behind a Middle School in Western Berks County, meeting up with the hares, a doctor and a lawyer. It had all the ingredients for a wonderful afternoon.


Under the watchful eye of the school security cameras, about 30 half minds circled up, including Casting Couch’s virgin, to see the marks the hares had laid for us…on their Christmas tree board, so as to not leave any marks on school property.  We were soon given a general erection out of the school property and into the neighborhood.  After a short jaunt, the pack came around a corner, to find the hares, waiting for us, and the open back gate of a U-Haul. The pack all obediently climbed into the truck, and not one person asked a question about what exactly was happening.


Our dark ride quickly gave way to the reality that we were headed uphill. Long, winding turns led to a bumpy conclusion.  As the door flew open, we exited the truck like migrants on a long journey to freedom.  We found ourselves in the middle of the woods with a “Good Luck”, we were off.


We quickly came to a Turkey/Eagle split.  The pack split into two, almost equal halves.  The turkey trail was a short-ish, roughly 1/2 mile loop in the woods, returning us back to that fateful truck, where we were greeted with a beer, and some good news/bad news.  While the turkey trail was shorter, we would load back into the truck and be dropped off farther down the trail. The turkey truck drop off led us right to the shot stop, where we were treated to a very festive holiday whiskey libation from Breast’s stash of goodies.


Meanwhile, on the Eagle trail we ran about a mile on a wooded trail and were quickly rewarded for our hard work with a nice cold beer. Had we made good choices? Then, down we went through some pretty fun trails and past a small body of water. We found a SN near a creek crossing but after hours of searching with no avail we finally moved on parched. We were met with some more ups and downs and then finally a paved road! It felt like we might have run all the way to Womelsdorf! But no we were back “safely” in Robesonia and saw some of our Turkey cohorts as we passed them on the way to Falco’s. 


After trekking into the Robesonia borough limits, the Turkey group was first to arrive at the finest drinking establishment on 422, Falco’s Tavern, where cold pitchers of PBR and Miller Lite awaited.  But this was only a BN, as the hares decided to wait for us there, and allow the entire pack to once again roam together.  


A few minutes later, the Eagles began to arrive. The mystery of the missing SN was solved, as it was mistakenly taken with the Turkey tribe, so prevent any non-hashers from consuming the treasure.


After what seemed like an eternity, Legal Easy set out to finish the live haring of the trail.  Meandering through alleys and side streets, we ended circle in the backyard of one of the hare’s friends. It takes a good friend to allow a large pack of half minds to consume beer and orange crunchy stuff, and sing vulgar songs on their property. And that’s just what we did!


On-On!

Peeter On A Skeeter and the Eagle-running ExCoGi




RH3 #1110: History Repeats Itself Hash


After an eventful morning full of accusation undertones of Type A runners marking a course on supposedly “fresh trails”, the Reading Hash House Harriers gathered in local MTB cruising spot…Bamba Lot. 30+ strong took time to introduce themselves as themselves or others and some pre-lube beers were finished and Hash Hab pint koozies were stored as hares, Foot Fairy and Horn Of Plenty, directed the group to general erection. 

Quickly, everyone spread out searching for the first mark. On 1, On 2, and On 3 were called and the hunt for further trail was ON. A short distance later and the first BN was found as the group gathered on the side of the road. Beers were shared, stories were told, and on-out was had again. Through the woods and avoiding said fresh trails was successfully accomplished…who said hashers don’t listen? Round and round and round we went through twisting, winding, muddy, and quite frankly pointless trails. Where was the shiggy and the straight lines through the woods…on the plus side, we did find a SN of some sort of cinnamon whiskey. After watching Just Curtis and Stupid Brother hit the earth harder than Bukkake on a Saturday night, we made our way to Antietam Lake avoiding cars, hikers, and seemingly many other hashers who were to be found at the next BN. Up the worst driveway in Berks we went to Polly Has Tits’ house. Again, beers were shared, stories were told, and everyone took time to recover.

Down the driveway we went to the world’s largest Check. Up and up and up the road we traveled (many ran), until we reached the exaggerated HHH, marking the final resting spot of the 8th? annual Groundhog’s Day Hash. Songs were song, accusations were had, announcements were made, and everyone swung low.


On-out,

Stink Finger




RH3 #1109 Swipe Right Hash


Circling up, we learned that our hares One Knee Wonder and Just Mark met via a “right swipe”.  Instructions were given, warnings levied and off we went.  Deciphering week old flower from fresh powder the majority of the group followed the trail through Albright campus and up the hill to the base of Mt Penn where it wasn’t long until a very “Reading” cooler filled with refreshing Hamms. Pushing on we came upon very large flower arrows pointing up the hill into the woods. Comments were made about “they really wanted us to go this way” very quickly the trail disappeared. It is rumored that Deathwish may or may not have been the voice of reason to return to the last know check.  It will continue to be debated but soon we were back on the white powder trail.  Back into town we soon ended up along the tracks where a mixture of a white substance was now falling from the skies and a second black trash bag cache was located along with our hares. Pressing on we encountered a young security guard “just doing his duty” and a few hashers who had opted to hash the trail from a Marie’s barstool. “Smarter not harder” is a phrase that comes to mind.  HHH’s were found; circle formed songs were sung & accusations made.  The skies showered us with a wet ending.  Off to Shirley’s for food and drinks.


Just Curtis





RH3 #1108 Farewell to the Taproom Hash


When I was but a lad of 12, my parents took me on a ride on one of the last passenger rail rides from Reading to Philadelphia.   I couldn’t appreciate it at the time, but they were encouraging me to experience a part of what it meant to live in Reading – something iconic, but also something soon to be a thing of the past.

For those who have lived and worked in Reading for the past 40 years, the NorthEast Tap Room was a similar iconic experience that is – unfortunately -- also now a thing of the past.   

Everyone has their own Tap Room story, and we could make this trash all about those… but let’s talk about what the Tap Room meant to the hash.   For those of you old enough to remember what an answering machine is/was, the back closet at the Tap Room once hosted the “Hash Hotline”.  Instead of receiving an email or a Facebook notification about the where/when of the next hash, you’d call a phone number, and in the week prior to the hash, the hare (or trailmaster) would visit the Tap Room and record the who/what/where/when of the next hash event.

In those years (let’s call them the ‘Pete’ years) you could find a framed printed hash trash written by our very own Bad Semen for the “Hill Street Brews” hash – the hash where Dogbreath (aka ‘Santa Dog’) was named.   The Tap Room was host to various Hash events – from beer checks and apres to (in recent years) Mis-Spelling bees and Beer Wars.

And all the while, the beat of time went on, and the Tap Room didn’t much change as evolve over time.  Unfortunately the era of neighborhood bars has changed – A bar that has a well-stocked cooler and eclectic beers on tap is not the oddity that it was 25 years ago, and patrons are more concerned with where they’re going to find a secure parking spot than a pint of Old Peculiar or a bottle of Corsendonk.   

And so it was on a cold and blustery afternoon that the hash met to give the old girl a proper sending off.   Our hares, Casting Couch, ExCoGi, and Bukkake met us in the parking lot of Northeast Middle School with fresh 30-packs of Hamms.   A pack of (eventually) about 28 hashers joined them including a visitor from Pittsburgh and a new boot, and then headed off into the city for a hashy good time.  

The hares promised some new checks -including a leapfrog check, a salmon check, and a naughty check.  Those were all dispensed of in/around the Albright campus, before we headed up through the rapey woods behind the campus in search of beer, shiggy, and whatever detritus we could find.   Crossing Hampden by the old Elks Club, we found instead the hares with a beer check.   From there the pack headed South– some mistakenly went up the hill into the woods to find the circle at a pavilion paved with glass shards and used condoms.   

The wise among us headed back down to our cars and made for the warm confines of the Tap Room.  There we found some of the olds (Swamp, Flamer) who were too wise to hash when a warm room with cold beer was an option, and we were joined by some autohashers and bike hashers all there to honor the last day of the Tap Room.   The hares were kind enough to buy us 13 pizzas, plus some apps and cupcakes.   Glasses were raised, stories were told, and cash went flying across the bartop with the rapidity of the Los Angeles River sucking trash into the ocean.

So.   Goodbye to the Tap Room. Goodbye to an institution that has been there for generations.   We now focus on what’s next.   Maybe not what’s next for the NETR, but what’s next for Reading, and the Hashers that call it home.    We will have our downtown divebars (Tophers, Nicks etc) and we still have our suburban hash houses (Liberty, etc) but where do we find a place that’s as warm and comfortable as the Tap Room.   Not sure that place is out there quite yet, but we have a good model to start from.

Thanks to the hares (Couch, Excogi, and Bukkake) for a good trail and for great memories.


ON-ON

Decoy





RH3 #1107 New Year’s Hash

Out with 2022 and in with 2023.  Started out a beautiful warm day and as soon as it was time to hash it became cold and breezy. But at least no rain, way to go toh! Opto started circle and thennnn Just Karin and Toh were hares so off they went to do their live trail while we froze our underdressed asses off. I remember went through some neighborhoods then up a stupidly long winding up hill with some goats to the witches hat where we were blessed with champagne, I had two glasses because champagne is my jam. But I hate jam… anyway, from there we ran some trails to the bottom where we found the HHH! Down downs were had, some accusations were made, it was a small and quaint mellow circle likely due to festivities the evening prior. Thennnn we were off to Apre at Liberty taproom and here they had a neighborhood discount on shots… Beer and pizza were had and  eagles were watched andddd our very own hare Just Karin became forever known as Nut Nibbler as she downed some kind of strong beer/cider thing like a champ. She was feeling herself that day.  Happy new years fuckers. Better late than never… 


on-on,

Delicious Head





RH3 #1106 / Rogue North #61


Trinity and Beulah came together to offer a Rogue North/ Reading HHH trail. It was a day meant for laying on the couch and tending to the hangover that Santa delivered the night before at the Santa Fucks the Hash. Instead a few of us eager beavers put our hangover aside and showed up ready to damage the liver all over again. And damage the liver we did. Did I mention it was cold and wet. It seemed like Tofu should have been haring. 

After chalk talk, where three marks were familiar to RH3 and 84 other marks were Rogue North approved, trail set off towards the hospital. 

The type A who wanted to warm up took the eagle trail. The Turkey trail went right down Penn Ave to the row of warm bars and restaurants.  After hitting a back check 3,069 the Eagle group found the turkeys in Barley Mow. This wasn’t even a beer near, but just the first bar that trail ventured near, the first of several that we hit along Penn Ave. There were photo stops, fire company stops and sightings of little Fudgie at the Spruce, another non BN that necessitated a stop.  Eventually we found our way back to the Sly Fox parking lot for circle. Fun and hilarity ensued.  Thanks to the North for the hand warmers and company of Yolanda!! 

Optopussy





RH3 #1105 Santa F*cks The Hash


After pissing on us the night before, Santa returned for our annual f*cking, courtesy of NFB and Dog Breath.  A large group of half minds gathered on a bright, sunny, brisk December day, at the vast field next to Trooper Thorns.  We had some visitors from the North in town for a triple header weekend. And our hare provided us with some great new cranium hab for the occasion.  After a few quick instructions, we were off!

It only took a block for the entire pack to struggle to find marks, but we soon stumbled upon a check, sending us down towards the railroad tracks and Alvernia.  Passing through the baseball field, the pack arrived at a parking lot and everyone searching for marks. An indoor track meet inside the building, led to track participants milling about outside the door, encouraging the half minds to “get after it” and “keep going”, completely unaware of the debauchery.  Each successive check led to more aimless searching as we wound our way through the Alvernia campus, the flour changing colors with each check.  As we continued through Saint Mary Cemetery and headed towards Oakbrook, the pack began to stir.  Would we be stopping at the Little Brown Jug for a much needed BN?  As the pack approached, a young lady employed by the fine establishment was outside the door, prompting Decoy to ask “Are you expecting us?”  The wide-eyed look on her face told us everything we needed to know.  We continued on, headed towards Berks Catholic High School.  Trail took us down the power lines, and into thick shiggy, right to a vertical drop onto the railroad tracks below.  The pack slowly descended down the steep slippery hillside.  Hash horns went flying.  The hash brick came careening down the hill, after an urgent “Look out!” shouted by Down In Front.  I didn’t have “getting hit by a flying brick” on my hash bingo card for the day, but every hare loves when there’s some blood on their trail.  After crossing the tracks, we stumbled upon (finally) a Beverage Near, with some warm, spiked apple cider.  After warming up and gathering the pack, we headed straight back the SRT to our beginning point, where we circled up and did our down downs and our songs, before heading to DeCarlo’s, for Santa’s arrival. Laps were sat on, gayly wrapped gifts were open, car bombs were ordered and much to the horror of the birthday party booked on the other side of the bar, songs were sung. 


Merry Hashmas!

Peeter on a Skeeter





RH3 #1104 Here Pisses Santa Hash


A jolly group of hashers gathered in the Hafer Petroleum/SRT Trailhead parking lot on a dark chilly December night. Equipped with headlamps to see and beers to get jollier, the pack circled and the hares (Bad Semen & Horn O Plenty) explained the reflective marks that would lead the pack through the night. After explanations and introductions, the group was off in search of trail and beer. Down the SRT and onto the base of Gibraltar Hill was where we headed, through shiggy and onto an ankle biter of a trail. After a mile or so we hit the access road marked with a disco ball and new sweet nectar was near. We headed back down to the SRT and found one of our Hares at the parking area with a cooler full of beer. As we regrouped and got merrier, NFB began looking for our next move… rail trail towards Birdsboro or back towards Reading? Neither!! Bad pointed us back up the road from where we had just cum. Onto the power line and full back across the base of the hill again. Where would our next watering hole be? Through some more shiggy and back to the trail towards the parking lot from which we started… but trail didn’t stop there. Up the hill and under the bridge is where we found some more sudds as well as the Hares and our H’s. Circle commenced, songs were sung, accusations were made, fun was had! Shades of Green hosted us for some barbecue and beer and watched in wonder as we gambled on how many cheesy poofs were left in the container… oh the stupidity.

On on,
Any Crack’ll Do


RH3 #1103 Family Hash

The circle was at a nice pavilion for circle but with bathrooms locked, I had to send our grandson “Just Connor” to the bushes in the development for relief. Circle was quite breezy so we were quickly off and moving. With some of the kids climbing the scraggly hill first, then blindly going left and stumbling onto a mark, the FRBrats and the rest of us lemmings all missed the first beverage / photo check. Being all but the DFL one up the hill, I see Breast Stroaker detouring Left, just shy of the hill top, to intersect the group as they're now heading back down through the neighborhood I take a shortcut. As I come back onto the marked street, Much to my shame, I hear my grand daughter "Just Peyton" yelling, "Cheater". No amount of explaining or reasoning was going to change her mind.
As we seemed to somehow go up and down the same hill, yet not crossing the same path, we do find a "Beverage" check. Hugs-aka sugar water for the kids. The wild juice helped re-charge the FRBrats as the pace stepped up a bit. "Just Karin" and the kids led the rest of the way to to HHH. We had a breezy, brief circle toasting 2 of the FRBrats, Just Alexis and Just Scarlett, along with the DFL Dances with Whores with Hugs and a brew. 
Then it was off to the Hare House for a bar full of Domino's Pizzas, garlic knots and cheesy bread, plus lots of sweets. I grabbed a Hamms from the cooler and Pretty enthusiastically says, "There's much better beer in the cooler". Well yes, for the normal hasher, there was. Quite a spread... Of food and drinks from our hares Pretty When I'm Drunk and Peeter on a Skeeter.

Head Pedaler



RH3 #1002 Better Off Dead Hash

Truly a sight to behold as us costumed hounds gathered at CT Supermarket awaiting to be released though we appear to blend in fairly well with local shoppers. Made my way to Beulah who proclaimed “I want my $2 hash cash.” As I did not want her hounding me throughout the hash, I paid up. The usual mingling and prelubing until called to circle and introductions were made. Hares Nasty Panties, Casting Couch, and ExCoGi provided instructions though true trail was false causing some confusion. We were released scattering every which way. Until what was that sound? Was that a horn? Indeed! Trail was found and DIF has been practicing! On one, On two, ON ON through the streets of Reading. I did my civic duty and made sure all car side mirrors were nicely folded in. Some ran, some walked, some skipped their way up to the first BN. I opted for some vodka drink that went down too easily. Then off into the woods we went. Promises of well marked trail fell short causing a few to return to road while others tried to stay on trail and still others tried to follow the advice to go “that way really fast and if something gets in your way, turn.” Somehow we all made it to the next BN/SN at Nasty’s brother abode. More beer, snacks and yummy jello headstone shots. Back on trail down the road we went. Playing some Cornhole on the run with the soon to be named Just Bill and getting rewarded for landing in the hole with a fireball shot. Trailed lead to next BN at Northeast Taproom where some thought trail ended but at last more trail was to be had. So On-on we go back following trail through the city until its final resting place at Feeny’s Funeral Home. A few of us partook in extra BN stops along the way offered by local residents. Closing circle confusion who was DFL? More Accusations. Down downs. Just Bill was called into circle and named Dry Dolly. May it be a reminder to never let his dolly be dry again! ExCoGi informed us that we would be having a tour of the funeral home. Our host stepped up and gave us a background about the oldest mansion in central park. Then he went on about his skiing adventures including picking up quarters, snorting shots and many more. Cries went out for him to be named on the spot and many suggestions provided. Snot Shot it is! And since he was also a virgin, Dry Dolly provide him with proper instructions on how to down down. Swing low was sung and the hash went in peace. We shuffled into the funeral home for more snacks, good beer and wine. More stories were told about the history of the mansion as we wandered through the various rooms. No dead people were seen. Then off to apre at Pike’s Café for more mischief. Some tricks, some treats, some great shitty trail. And good times were had by all!
Truly a sight to behold as us costumed hounds gathered at CT Supermarket awaiting to be released though we appear to blend in fairly well with local shoppers. Made my way to Beulah who proclaimed “I want my $2 hash cash.” As I did not want her hounding me throughout the hash, I paid up. The usual mingling and prelubing until called to circle and introductions were made. Hares Nasty Panties, Casting Couch, and ExCoGi provided instructions though true trail was false causing some confusion. We were released scattering every which way. Until what was that sound? Was that a horn? Indeed! Trail was found and DIF has been practicing! On one, On two, ON ON through the streets of Reading. I did my civic duty and made sure all car side mirrors were nicely folded in. Some ran, some walked, some skipped their way up to the first BN. I opted for some vodka drink that went down too easily. Then off into the woods we went. Promises of well marked trail fell short causing a few to return to road while others tried to stay on trail and still others tried to follow the advice to go “that way really fast and if something gets in your way, turn.” Somehow we all made it to the next BN/SN at Nasty’s brother abode. More beer, snacks and yummy jello headstone shots. Back on trail down the road we went. Playing some Cornhole on the run with the soon to be named Just Bill and getting rewarded for landing in the hole with a fireball shot. Trailed lead to next BN at Northeast Taproom where some thought trail ended but at last more trail was to be had. So On-on we go back following trail through the city until its final resting place at Feeny’s Funeral Home. A few of us partook in extra BN stops along the way offered by local residents. Closing circle confusion who was DFL? More Accusations. Down downs. Just Bill was called into circle and named Dry Dolly. May it be a reminder to never let his dolly be dry again! ExCoGi informed us that we would be having a tour of the funeral home. Our host stepped up and gave us a background about the oldest mansion in central park. Then he went on about his skiing adventures including picking up quarters, snorting shots and many more. Cries went out for him to be named on the spot and many suggestions provided. Snot Shot it is! And since he was also a virgin, Dry Dolly provide him with proper instructions on how to down down. Swing low was sung and the hash went in peace. We shuffled into the funeral home for more snacks, good beer and wine. More stories were told about the history of the mansion as we wandered through the various rooms. No dead people were seen. Then off to apre at Pike’s Café for more mischief. Some tricks, some treats, some great shitty trail. And good times were had by all!

Livin’ it Up, 

Just Karin





RH3 #1101 Opto's Bookends Hash

"Over the river and thru the woods to former Grandmaster's house we go"
Opto's Inaugural Grandmaster debut took place Sunday at Antietam Pool where the temps still dictated shorts and tanks and shiggy socks to be worn among the masses. As we arrived and mingled, Beulah collected $5 hash cash and then paid all of us with one of her "Don't Stop, Can't Stop" hash hugs. And who says hugs are free? ...Pre trail shitty beer was consumed as introductions were made and our Hares Foot and Schmim sent us on our way promising 2 BN, 1 SN, and no false trail- or at least that's how I remembered it. So off we went in search of flour as DIF was seen settling in with his horny brick or as the Spanish would say "Horn Y Brick". We followed On-Ones, On-Twos and Checks a Few-  until cuming to our first BN at Foot's. Lucky Streaks were drank (except for Just Mark who claimed sober status AS IF)....but who was I to judge as I clamored to find someone to share my own Lucky Juice with. I was shot down by a few including  Teacher, Couch, Excogi and even Swampy said no. Schmim suspected some beer misgivings were in play, but Peeter on a Skeeter came to my rescue and swallowed some for me.  I chugged the rest and joined the others as the On-On continued. DIF continued to toot his own horn, but barely. Cum one cum all as we ALL took turns showing DIF how to blow.. Trail led us to Nepal where we slowly but surely summited Mt. Everest. One would think we would be rewarded with some shitty beer, shitty shots (or in Just Mark's case some water) for our successful completion of a type A climb, but the outlined SN was a no-go as we later learned the cause was bamboozled by an unhappy property owner who disproved of such partakings on his parsel.  So the thirsty and dehydrated harriers and harriettes carried on in the search for liquid refreshments. We left the woods and crossed the street for more civilized flour following which shortly thereafter led us to false trail. Back to the last check and a little of this and a little of that and we found our way to the finish at Carsonia Lake where the violators were violated with shitty beer down downs and off key "Why Are We Waitings" which even kept the bugs away. Lies. All lies. The bugs ate us all. We apre'd at Foot's abode emptying our beers and emptying our minds, having good eats with juicy sauces.  The lightweight in me didn't stand a chance in consuming more than one IPA so Foot told me about the vagina in his freezer (IYKYK) and as a good guest I was all in! The labia water was a hit and I was sober in seconds!  Although the cumraderie was enjoyed and laughs were shared inevitably the day had to end. Fret not, Sunday Funday cums around once a week (probably like the rest of us), except for Peeter on a Skeeter who is out right now looking for a boat to bang Pretty When I'm Drunk on. So until next time fuckers! 

On-On!
Just Karla





RH3 #1100 Cougarbait's Last Dance
We gathered at a small church picnic grove off of Fritztown Rd. to bid farewell to our current GM, Cougarbait. The day was spectacular. Brilliant warm sun with just enough breeze to keep the nipples pert. 30 or so RH3ers, along with Tour de Puke from H5 and Deathwish from “What the fuck was he thinking?!” came rolling in for the festivities. We chatted and prelubed from a selection of excellent beverages provided by our hare, Cougar himself. He’d been a very busy beaver, laying trail with multiple turkey/eagle splits, smoking dead animal for our dinner and hauling everything to the On On in his massive truck.
Circle started a bit late, as after all, this WAS a social event. Introductions were made and the hounds were released. Almost immediately, trail required a slog through the adjacent creek. Those of us with a modicum of common sense just paralleled it on the nice dry road. A railroad overpass was a likely candidate for flour and sure enough, along the tracks we went. Stumbling along (those railroad ties are never the correct spacing for easy forward progress) yours truly was rewarded with a yellow jacket sting to the back of my ankle. I heard several other hashers were similarly graced. Popping out of the woods at the railroad crossing on Fritztown Rd that has trashed many a cyclist, we scampered through the cemetery and up into the woods above. There, we met our first T/E split. Knowing Cougar’s proclivity for ass-busting trail, I chose the turkey. We rumbled downward, back into the neighborhood. Things get a bit fuzzy from here. Was it the bee venom, or maybe the double IPAs prior to trail? In any event, we did have a BN behind ExCoGi’s place of biz, complemented by Bad getting a sound scolding for sitting on the steps of the adjacent hair salon. We had another BN by a creek under a bridge where Deathwish performed his patented bellyflop in 3” of scummy water lined with pointy rocks. Other T/Es were offered. Flour seemed to evaporate after that and most of us just chose to shuffle down the shoulder of Fritztown Rd. back to the grove. On In!!
Closing circle was exceptionally disorganized, possibly owing to our GM/hare drinking the entire last day of his active reign. From there, dinner and more beverages were served and the light slowly faded, along with any clinging semblance of sobriety. A few of us stuck around to help our hare clean up any evidence of our debauchery, then stumbled to our vehicles for the careful drive home. A very good day indeed…
ToeFU



RH3 #1099 The Analversary Hash Time does really fly when you are having fun especially if you are hammered for most it. RH3 is back at the corner of Plymouth and Reading for another Analversary Hash. A few pleasant surprises were in store for us as well. Beautiful weather, NOT getting harassed by the locals at the ON-ON, lots of twinning, and hash cash is only $1! Wait…is there actually going to be any beer on trail for that hefty chunk of change? We also had the pleasure of not one, but two virgins, Just Brittni and Just Fred. However, it was another trail advertised as starting at 6 pm but not actually starting until 6:15…sigh I guess I’ll grab a beer now that there actually are some available at 6:05. Our hare, Any Crack’ll Do claims he needs an extra head start and takes off while we introduce ourselves and listen to a brief history of the birth of RH3. Are we going to need these headlamps? FINALLY, we are off to romp around scenic Wyomissing. Seems like we are heading towards Wyo Park , what a surprise!! But there are checks abound to keep it interesting. After what felt like 5 miles, we finally make it to a beer stop at Van Scoy and are greeted by the lovely Ginger Snatch who joined us for the rest of trail. Off we go again in a relatively straightforward manner and it’s not too long until we hear On-In from a clump of bushes. Cougar Bait is anxious to get circle started which results in having three separate DFL’s as stragglers wander in. In retrospect this was a good call as we would have been waiting indefinitely on Foot Fairy and Swamp who got “lost” on one the better marked trails we have had and coincidentally ended up at Sly Fox instead. Just Fred redeems himself after a whole bunch of Hash etiquette faux pas by expertly pounding his beer in circle. Just Brittni does even better. Almost time to go but wait Just Jim is called into circle! Cougar Bait starts rambling about a hash from a few years ago, his boat, a desperately needed quickie. For the full story I recommend asking the newly named Peeter on a Skeeter! P.O.S. for short? His triple beer chug was pretty epic so ask to see video footage if you missed it. Speaking of video footage, the kennel is also seeking video footage of Breaststroaker supposedly running up hill. Now we can finally get out of the bushes and begin our trek back to our cars which was just as long as trail and then off to Sly Fox for a quite enjoyable Thursday evening. Also please give a warm hash welcome to the recently relocated Silence of the Goats and Sex Toys for Tots who helped us close down Sly Fox last night, not too hard to do since they kicked us out pretty early. Good luck resting your legs and livers for Saturday. Yours, XCogi (Decoy Spelling, kinda like it)



RH3 #1098 The Bash Courtesy of Swamp & Foot Hash Trash “Truth, Lies & Fiction” A good soak in kerosene for an hour or so got my old typewriter sort of working again- well enough to be able to peck out a hash trash. It’s been a while… “T’was a dark and stormy night…” well, it was. Toefu was in attendance, so This hasher expected a lovely washout, but it was not to be. It was only a bluff by the hash gods in charge of that sort of thing. Rumor has it that the lack of torrential rains pissed off Toefu so much he had to leave. Maybe it was the other way around. Anyway, a pack of 25-30 enthusiastic hashers, swelled by a bunch of Monday Night Madness riders showed up with their bikes to take on the trail. My guess the MNM’ers were curious about what flour looked like. Rumor has it they know what beer looks like. There were hybrids, old, mountain, gravel, borrowed and likely rented bikes available to throw at Swamp & Foot’s roller coaster trail (Up n Down, UUP n down, including terrifying turns). Also included was a traverse through a Hobbit forest, a tour of the ancient trolley tracks, churches and of course, a peek at the navy yard in Mohnton. A new twist on the hallowed hashing tradition of Pissing Off The Spouse was attempted by Breaststroker, who tried to lose his black & grey wedding ring by dropping it onto black & grey assfault while on trail. He failed miserably, as several hashers performed an extensive search of the drop area and found it. He may have succeeded partially though, since Ginger will be pissed that she won’t be able to sell him a new one (Ginger: “There will be a HUUUUGE markup in order to have a new one for you by tomorrow!!”)! Breast will have to think of some other way to piss off Legal Easy. It may be difficult. She has a pretty good sense of humor. Beulah and Sucky ably performed the reception duties at the On, one virgin was recognized (didn’t get his name & by the way, he needs some work on timing his down-downs) and perennial visitor Dancing Fool graced the hash with his recycling skills. Dumb n Dumber provided the shitty, trash-laden parking lot for circle festivities, whether he knew it or not. No neighbors were annoyed. Try harder next time. SHITTY HASH! On On Flamer



RH3 #1097 New Boot Hash
It was a hot night for new boots in early August. A group of seasoned hashers and one virgin gathered at the Weis Oley to take on NFB and Sinderella’s trail. There were old hashers like Swampy and Stupid Brother, newer hashers like Just Karin and Just Bill and even Grower graced us with his presence and expansion. Our GM showed up a few minutes late – something NFB never dealt with in his former occupation. Off we went upward toward Oley Valley High School past a great Monday evening concert in the fairgrounds – not quite the West VA banjo I was expecting. From here on out you I will share the smarter, not harder trail – Around the back to the high school trail was found – those of us that ride some know about the icehouse and the garage at the corner of Bertolet Mill that always has good beer. Across 73 and down the hill – no, it couldn’t be a beer check?? Yes, in perfect penmanship so we knew it was not from NFB -it was the home of former hasher Tit Mouse and Big Jim from the cycling world. What no Hamm’s? – ice cold PBR from the back of a minivan – much better; plenty of cans for Dancing Fool. Now the fun part down toward 662 up a gravel farm road and across a ridge where front running bastards Crack, Cougar, Just Curtis, and others led the pack through some more little-known gravel trails toward the middle school and finally to a creek crossing to cool off where Head Peddler called in his fellow half-minds – Couch, Dances, and many others to the HHH. All who started came together except Legal Easy? Getting more miles of course – she loves “the heat”. We circled, drank more PBR – one bald guy… blah blah blah … accusations … the new boot, trained well, handled his down down quite well. “Swing low” was sung, all the PBR was killed, and the hashers enjoyed a night swim (suits required, of course), some great tomato salad, phallic meat, and improved quality golden nectar at the home of NFB and Sin. Fun was had by all Respectfully.
Breast Stroaker  



 #1096: Cherry On Top Hash

It was a hot, humid afternoon and like-minded halfwits gathered in the shadows of Neversink. The brave (maybe), drunk (most definitely) souls that arrived early pre-lubed at the everwelcoming Reifton Fire Company. I would say it’s an establishment full of fond memories, but that would require actually remembering what happens at the fire company. Did someone say car bombs?... In the hopes of not getting too shitty, too early on a Monday night, I waited in the lot with others and we contemplated which direction our lovely hares would take us. As it was Just Karin’s first time laying trail, it was hard to guess where we would end up. For her, 10 miles is just a warm-up; hopefully co-hare Dances with Whores would keep this trail from turning into exercise. Running downhill (yay!) would mean lots of roads, but running uphill (ahem, I mean walking-–I never run uphill) would lead us to the trails of Neversink. Although there were no virgins there were a few unusual markings to look for including photo stops and little chalk asterisks*** (the hares clarified NOT anuses, when Bad Semen asked) The hares were off at 6:09, introductions made, and the rest of the pack followed. After a little meandering on the streets, it became clear that we were headed to Neversink. Yay! Soon into our adventure we came upon the first beer near, most of the pack was together at this point and we happily sipped our cheap beer and tried not to sweat to death. (It was so hot even MY boobs were sweating.) NFB, Cougar Bait, and some of the more rambunctious started up the hill in search of the next mark. They didn’t come back, so the rest of us followed but quickly came to an F. Fuck. Maybe they knew something we didn’t, but most opted to turn around and find trail, and sure enough, we found it and were on our way. We meandered, scrambled, climbed, and bushwhacked our way up and over the mountain. As a few anticipated, we made our way to the next stop–a shot near–at the Witch’s Hat. The shot was a mysterious red juice, and as Any Crack’ll Do mentioned, kinda smelled like cough syrup. It also kinda tasted like cough syrup, but it did the job. Off again in search of trail, we quickly found it and made our way back down the other side of the mountain. The fastest of the bunch marked each check and we arrived at the glorious HHHs in no time. Or I should say most of us arrived at the HHHs in no time. Cougar Bait, Nasty Panties, and Casting Couch seemed to be lost, or doing a side quest or something, but they eventually made it and were welcomed into circle. (Cougar told me what happened that caused them to get so lost, but tbh, I was little drunk and didn’t really pay attention.) Death Wish took great advantage of the time spent waiting and rinsed off in the beautiful reflecting pool. No other souls were brave enough to take a dip–although the pond being downhill from a cemetery may have had something to do with it… We circled, we swung low, and made our way to apres at Liberty Taproom. More beer was drunk, pizza was eaten, and good times were had by all. Cheers, One Knee Wonder



RH3# 1095 4th of July aka Life According to Evan Williams…

Early morning with B&E,
Beverages, fireworks, creative parking, and plenty of conversation.
Minimally invasive trail explanations and the usual introductions. Only 1 foot fairy. Surprising.
On off to parts unknown.
Mt. Biking without fear of an endo on the A except for Bukakke.
Shot near for the fearless.
Shaken not stirred.
More downhill to a swim crossing minus the water. Stink Finger took one for the team and went knee-deep for the cause. Probably not his first or last. A German by-pass and land of tremendous beer consumption to a ghostly downhill and agua trail to a beer check at a fantastic middle 20’s meat market with dark fuckable parking lots. (Temporarily closed)
Oh, now shiggy, damn. Why did I decide to follow trail. FUCK!
Listen for the whistle…… Don’t follow me.
Visions of strippers danced through my head as I progressed upwards toward heaven and an exciting apre.
Crap, just a beer check near the bamba lot. No boobs, not good.
Off to search for more white marks and the sound of fire works in the distance…..Fire Tower… on-in
Fantastic running trail.
Kudos to the hairs for a great trail.
Shitty down downs
Sun worshipers
Hare shots
More hare shots
Beer restock
Accusations
Stupidity….. but that goes without saying……
Can’t understand why they delayed getting car bombs for sooooooo long.
Critical bowel satisfactions lead to a fantastic apre and much camaraderie.
Foot Fairy spoiled the potty for everyone😂
Great fun.
On-On
NFB


RH3 #1094 Break A Leg Hash
27 half minds, give or take a few, gathered in Maidencreek on a pleasantly warm summer Monday Night, as we circled for Just Bill’s first trail. He was joined in the opening circle with co-hares Horn of Plenty and Stupid Brother. It was pretty clear from the start that the bug repellent was going to be needed, as we began to make our journey into the woods, on trails with thick ground cover.
Marks were hard to see in the thick high grass as we wound through the woods. It took a keen eye for the FRBs as we strung out, coming upon a check at the railroad tracks. Would we head up the tracks or back into the woods? Trail continued back into the woods, wrapping around once again to another check at the railroad tracks, and a false. This time, trail did head down the tracks, in a long stretch of trail that would have made Choo Choo pop (out of) her top, if only she had been there.
Back into the woods we went, as we came across a turtle on trail, before heading back to the tracks again, this time under them to a graffiti filled underpass and a Beer Near with Hamm’s Modelo? Interesting choice of hash beer for this wooded journey.
Off we went again, this time up the road in a daring game of Frogger as cars were zooming by in both directions. A true trail marking set us on the right path before we ended up back in the woods on the other side of the road. Winding through a long, uneven section of trail, it was beginning to feel like someone might actually break a leg on this hash.
Before long, the sweet sounds of “Beer Near” were in the air again, this time at a small cemetery in the middle of the woods. This BN had an ample supply of Dos Equis? Apparently Just Bill had a lot of Cinco de Mayo leftovers to burn through in his fridge.
It was just a short jaunt from this BN to the HHH. Just Bill was there to greet us, but the other hares were not. As Cougar Bait instructed us to circle up, it became evident that Just Bill used his hand truck to bring an almost empty cooler into the woods, and a loud chorus of “Why Are We Waiting” filled the air as Horn and Stupid Brother trudged through the woods with the remainder of the beer.
Our hares drank a little extra Mexican lager for not having beer at circle. Accusations were made, non-returners were welcomed, birthdays and anniversaries were celebrated, and we all swung low, before heading to Just Bill’s for the apres, and finally, some Hamm’s.
Just Jim



RH3 #1093 Memorial Weekend Hash ie. No Kegs, No Eggs, Just Hills!

Foot Fairy and Crack decided to take a well earned rest this holiday, so Cougar stepped up to fill our voids. We knew the turnout would be light, since a significant number of regular hashers were off enjoying the sun drenched beaches, crystal blue waters and hillsides of terracotta roofed houses of Croatia (if you like that sort of thing). But when only Choo Choo, Period Shits and I showed up to face off against hares Cougar, One Knee Wonder, Justs Justin and Steph, we knew we were in trouble. Then Crack rolled in, evening the odds. Bring it!
Opening circle was brief, informal and about 15 minutes late, secure in the knowledge that Bad Semen was at least an 8 hr jet ride away. Our instructions were simple enough for even a hasher to follow. “Follow the trail unless you see marks telling you not to”. And off we went, climbing toward the Appalachian Trail. The incline gradually increased, as did the precipitation. Our hares had evidently pre-laid trail because they joined us on our ascent. After about a mile, and the drizzle changing to a steady downpour, we arrived at a turkey/eagle.
Crack naturally chose the eagle, accompanied by One Knee and J Steph (lucky lucky bastard). I gallantly chose to stay with Choo Choo and PS, along with Cougar and J Justin, who was humping the beer for our BN. Slogging ever upward, past puzzled hikers descending clad in rain gear, we finally arrived at the Pinnacle. The type As were already there, having arrived via a secondary BN at the Pulpit Rock. After several photo ops on the slick as snot rocky edge, we retraced our steps back to the helipad, where the HHH awaited. Yours truly meandered across first as the bims chattered. Crack was deemed DFL, having forsaken the ending circle for a family thang elsewhere. Again, informality and brevity were the code of the day. Swinging low, we all descended together and after munching a few bites of orange crunchy protein (Utz, of course…) we headed back to Copperz in the lovely metropolis of Hamburg for the apres. There, we were treated to delightful beverages, of J Justin’s very own making, as well as delicious burgers. In addition, we learned several important facts about our fledgling hares. Just Steph thrives on a diet of ground turkey, cauliflower and other women’s prison staples and has a habit of checking if she’s turned the stove off by placing her bare hands on the burners. Just Justin, in addition to being an excellent brewer, has an active tinder account and sleeps with dogs who don’t even care when he gets up. Fascinating….I think they’ll fit in to our kennel nicely.
Respectfully submitted,
ToeFU


RH3 #1092 Roam for FOAM

On-on was in Reamstown. I was heading up 222, just outside of Denver, when the rain came. It was hard, fast, and moist. Sidebar- I’m a huge fan of the Oxford comma. Anyway, back to our story. By the time I reached the pre lube and started sipping a tasty brew, the rain had subsided, the sky started to brighten ever so slightly, and I had faith that there would not be a single mark on trail. I wasn’t concerned since it was a FOAM party. And although I had never attended such an event, I was excited as I had heard they consist of copious amounts of alcohol, inappropriate touching, and scantily clad bodies pulsating to the music (and each other) decorated in fluorescent body paint. I can’t wait. It’s gonna be lit. With black lights.
But alas….
I. Was. Wrong.
Turns out, I misread. F.O.A.M. is an acronym for Five Old Annoying Men. Instead of drinking and publicly concealed sexual encounters , we roam around the hills through …..a church campground. Complete with outdoor pews and alter. 🎶Free beer for all the hashers! Jesus saves! Jesus saves! Jesus saves!🎶 There was no foam. No inappropriate touching. No pulsating bodies covered in fluorescent paint. It was clean. Very clean. So clean, in fact, Dancing Fool found very little and I actually got to chat with him a bit. Happy birthday to his mom!! ( I believe he said 100! ) At the first beer check, I noticed Choo Choo and myself are both wearing top notch double entendre shirts that screamed for a hash flash. ( speaking of hash flash….whatever happened to Not Twat?) Off the pack goes to more uphills and down to our next beer near. We are positive the hares did not lay this trail. Is there a rent-a-hare company we weren’t told about? We then head back to the HHH, sang some songs, celebrated birthdays and analversaries, made the accused drink it down down down down, sang Swing Low, then followed up this shitty trail at Cocalico Tavern.
On-on! 👣
Casting Couch


RH3 #1091 Red Dress Hash

Red Dress, the anal event where we half-minds get together dressed in our finest red apparel to raise money for boobies! You would think that ToeFU was haring this year based on the cold rainy weather, but this great event was put together by Hot Lips, Swamp Thing, and Breast Stroaker. Despite the weather, this event was done up right, starting with pre-lube under the pavilion at Victor Emmanuel’s with good beer on tap. One of the few Reading hashes where no Hamm’s was to be had! That good beer and shitty weather inspired the day to be more of a social event than a hash, and we started circle a little later than planned. Very clear (or maybe not) directions were provided by our hares, and off we went into the rain, most of us wearing poncho’s (red of course thanks to Delicious Head for the find and body condom supply).
Flour, despite being wet, was quickly found and the group was off to the races. Only about 7 blocks in, we came to an arrow and a bunch of confusion. Despite the clear instructions from our hares in circle less than 10 minutes ago to follow the arrows (which some folks did), a large group of us half minds didn’t listen, and did what hashers do…we followed the flour! Turned out to be a great decision, because even though we were No-No, three blocks later we found ourselves at the first/last beer stop. I mean, who can go wrong with a bonus beer stop?!?!
After consuming some thirst quenching Bud Light, most of our group decided to venture back out in pursuit of trail in the correct direction. A short distance later we found where we should have been earlier and again yelled out On-On heading to our next destination. Along the way we found the brave few that went the correct way initially wandering in an alley not quite sure where they were heading and looking thirsty. With a few extra pairs of eyes scouring the alley for washed our flour it didn’t take us long to find trail leading us to our next stop, the Little Brown Jug, where buckets of icy Budweiser awaited us. Beer and music distracted us for a short while before we were off again into the rain in search of trail.
East on Lancaster Ave, a right turn up hill toward Oakbrook (but no stop there) and a few blocks later we found ourselves back at the confusing intersection from earlier on. No confusion this time as we already knew that more “delicious” Bud Light awaited us at the 501 Bar we had already visited. We arrived there to find the rest of our pack from earlier still perched inside, warm and dry and well-watered. A few pitchers of beer and some group photos later we came to the realization that there was real beer waiting on us at the pavilion and it was time to go.
We knew were we were headed and some hashers decided to take the most direct route back. Others opted to follow trail back, and for those of us who did, we got to enjoy a show put on by one of the locals and her dog. The little ankle biter decided to run out to greet the group of us hashers leaving her noticeably intoxicated owner chasing after it. Being dog lovers and not feeling in danger of being eaten, we stopped to let the owner catch the pooch which turned out to be an epic fail. The woman was walking circles around Legal Easy trying to pick up the dog while bending over, and either gravity was too much or Legal helped her out, but down the woman went like a ton of bricks onto the sidewalk. There was concern as to her wellbeing initially as she lost her sandals and all sorts of stuff, but we quickly figured out she was fine when the cigarette she was smoking during the entire event was still lit, unharmed, and continuing to be smoked as the woman tried to get back to her feet. We collected her pup and handed it to her before rolling out to the HHH.
Back to good beer under roof, all accounted for and warm food on the way. We circled up, sang songs, accused each other of doing dumb shit, celebrated the birthday of Bad Semen and the analversary of Foot Fairy and Schmamzon Prime, drank beer with some out of towners (you know it was cold out because Cause for Blindness was adding layers), and then auctioned off some great prizes to raise money for Breast Cancer. All in all, a great day!
Cheers you fucks,
Cougar Bait


RH3 #1090 Off The Rails
(aka Holy Shit, Cougar isn’t going to be the GM forever, who woulda thunk that?)

Hares: Foot, and Just Rob (aka, one of those ‘biker guys’).
Its April, which means – Monday night hashes where you don’t sweat your balls off, and the Pennsylvania state flower isn’t quite yet in bloom yet, so you don’t have to spend 20 minutes after a good shiggy run dousing yourself in nuclear-grade cleaning solution to prevent you from breaking out in a pus-weaping rash.
In the Spring, the ‘Ken-Grill Pool’ (which is known neither for a particularly famous ‘Ken’ nor for his ‘Grilling’) is home to the Mifflin Youth Baseball League – meaning the parking lot is full of minivans and the field behind the pool is full of parents watching little kids play with their balls. To add a dose of symmetry to the picture, the hashers were huddled up in the front of the property, playing with their balls and waiting on Foot and Just Rob to get us on trail before we lost too much sunlight.
Pretty good turnout for a Monday night – those biker guys are loyal to one another.
The pack circled, and received a quick introduction for our Hash Protocol Officer (as a replacement for our GM). The pack included two virgins (one named ‘T Ball’ and some dude with perfect hair who was wearing a Racist T-Shirt) and we were off in search of flour. As predicted by the hash elders, the first ½ mile was a loop back to where we started, and then we were off in the wilds of Kenhorst heading for Alvernia, where 2-In-The-Pink attempted to violate a statue of a “Golden Bear”. Which – by the way – is a shitty mascot choice. Alvernia went from ‘Crusader’ to ‘Golden Bear’. For those keeping score at home, the Golden Bear is native to that land of high priced gas, cancer-causing substances, and the Hollywood elite, and not the land of potholes, potpie, and post-industrial Hellscapes. But hey, whatever, I guess its better than ‘Crusader’ – which is like the European version of ‘Jihadi’. Can you imagine that – the “Go Jihadi’s!!!!” and like their mascot would be some dude with a bomb strapped to his chest…
Sorry.. did I get distracted? Oh right. The hash. I’m supposed to be writing about the hash. You can blame TohFoo for assigning it to me.
Umm… so after we were chased off campus by the campus police, we headed down to the roaring Angelica creek for a quick BN, then scrambled up to the Angelica water tower for a shot of Peachy Evan Williams. True to hare-f*ckery, the trail dropped down, and climbed through some private property to a 2nd water tower (for another bottle of Evan Williams) and then back down to Deerfield for some cold Coors and Miller High Life. Gonna have to give a shout-out to the hares here – it was a good combination of shiggy, views, ankle-busting gopher holes, and trail, AND they got us off the damn hill before the sun went too low.
So yeah, gonna go off on a tangent again here – and this is for those hares out there of the short, over-educated, retired, and no-f*cking-brained persuasion, that was 2 beer checks, and 2 shot checks on a trail that ended up being about 4.3 miles, and not 1 beer check 4.3 miles into the trail. Just saying.
Yeah so long story short, we came, we hashed, we conquered. Circle at the pool parking lot (perfectly timed to happen AFTER all the little kiddies and their families took off) which involved stupidity, drinking, the wrong kind of cheesy poof. Ricky Dobby – who was dressed in some sort of high-tech long underwear get-up burned my retinas forever when he took off his headgear. Some things age well – like red wine, scotch, cast iron skillets…. Other things (like Ricky Dobby) don’t. Here’s to Foot who boldly asserted “Hey so some people are uncomfortable singing negro spirituals in the circle, so let’s get people to act like Nazis and really stir the pot!”
Afterwards, we threw the trash and recycling into Fool’s trash toaster car and headed off to DeCarlos for wings, fries and beers.
Shitty Hash.
Decoy


RH3 #1089 Cheaper Than Gas

Dances With Whores evidently has more important things to do than write his hash trash for the kennel. Maybe he found a new whore??


RH3 #1088 Double Cross
Hashers gathered on a cold windy Sunday to celebrate one of our favorite couples- GingerSnatch and Down In Front. They decided to hare a trail together in honor of their analversary. After the usual greetings and salutations, we headed off into the wilds of Wyomissing.
There were the usual Type A assholes who stormed ahead. Most of us moved through the neighborhoods and some shiggy, only to discover that we were led astray by false trails. On one, on two, then nothing!!! Finally figuring out On On, we climbed a steep dusty hill and got to the top- ah, time for a Hamms!
And then we were off again. And what exactly was Bukkake wearing around his neck?? A few treasures were found along the way, but no one was willing to carry an animal skeleton or a target deer.
The next stop, we got slow and low with some Rock and Rye. Trail then took us to an abandoned old barn that was certainly haunted. We saw the shadows and the faces of those that did not get away. Bad thought it was a good idea to hide behind the chain saws and not get in the running car. Decoy was scared enough to break trail and escape to a local watering hole.
Eventually we were all together at the best site of the day, the HHH. And brrrr was it cold. Accusations were made. Beers were shared. You all know what happens in Circle.
Then the hash was treated to warm food and cold drinks at Tino’s. We also learned the sad news of the passing of a previous Grandmaster, Spawn. Kind words and memories and a moment of NOISE were shared.
Always an honor to share an afternoon with great people. Thanks to GingerSnatch and Down In Front for a fun trail and day.
Better late than pregnant,
Hot Off The Presses


RH3 #1087 Pi Day Hash
Pi day hash, a false misnomer as there was not a pie in sight. Circle began around cryptic symbols in bird seed, a hash first? Maybe.
Cougar bait stared in disbelief and accusations were being made, we hadn’t even started and already it was a shitty trail.
Brief instructions were given and a general erection was established. We began on trail, our first check, left into the pines we went, some wandered into the meadow and asked the local resident deer if they had seen anything. Meanwhile a shout could be heard….it was a false trail, an F clearly laid in bird seed on the ground, shit. Many ran past it mistaking it for a gold finch’s dinner. Stupid bird seed.
Once the correct trail was established the groupheaded into the neighborhood and were led up a small knob, more grumbles, to many bushes, to steep, but at the top was our first stop, shots, disguised as sugar free lemonade. The knob also provided sunset views of shillington, perfect for the first hash after the time change.
We continued on encountering more hills, some decided these hills should be ran, more accusations and heckling. A few more blocks and a few more turns and we reached our next stop, ice cold Hamm’s waited in the cooler, the weather was nice and spirits were high. After a few moments tasting that sweet sweet nectar someone said on on and trail resumed, we passed a local keeper of the peace as we were lead across Lancaster Ave. the group waved, we acted as normal as a group of hashers can, the ploy was bought, he continued on his way and so did we.
Shortly after we lost the trail (again) arrived in a church parking lot and asked the great hash lord for a sign, moments later from behind us we heard a “ON”, sign provided, we shall toast with a Hamm’s later.
Most of us resumed the trail and were lead down a few alleys where we arrived at our final destination, The Alley Hole, a fine Shillington establishment.
As circle began two were still missing, a short text, a response of fuck, more waiting and then Just Rob and Choo Choo could be heard coming down the alley, being the true gentleman hasher that he is Just Rob allowed Choo Choo to finish before him so she wouldn’t be DFL. Just one virgin on this hash, Just Karen. Bukkake and Just Rob took their respective spots in the middle as FRB and DFL , down downs were had and when the question of trail came up it was unanimously agreed it was a very shitty trail and longer than 3.14 miles, no one said Hashers were good with numbers.
Just Dave


RH3 #1086 Presidents Day Hash

No virgins for this shitty President's Day trail ... live hares tricky fucks ... we stood around for mere minutes till we headed out ... head who said head ... I digress ...
Out of the parking lot as Bad Semen led the pack. On asphalt and culverts and take your selfie at the selfie stop before the demented hares have you down on all four's. Yes crawl your way bitches or if you’re Nasty Panties you get a ride in a Little Tikes car about 40 yards to the other side.
What's on the other side ... BN ... genius ... time to refuel. Now a choice go Eagle or go Turkey ... there were only a few brave Eagles ... the rest of this pack pussed out and went Turkey. We are not ashamed F you! The Turkey's tunnel allowed you to remain erect. Only a few can describe what the Eagles were faced with. I wasn't one of them.
Onward to Lincoln Park to salute a couple of past presidents ... ball fields ... playgrounds ... shiggy and what's that, more refreshments. Bicycles found on trail and then the pack maneuvered their way over through a forest. Weaving in and out, over and under with a true trail leading us back from whence we came. WTF did the hare's run out of flour? Cheap bitches ... sloppy seconds BN. Back down on all fours and crawling through to the light at the end of the tunnel. Back through the stony culvert and onto asphalt back to the lot.
Once crossing the HHH that Turkey pack chilled for an hour before the few Eagles finally flew in. False accusations, announcements, and such to end this shitty trail with Swing Low on fast forward.
Cheers mother fuckers - Cums on Demand



RH3 #1085 GroundHog’s Day

Well another hash all ya fuckity fucks…. Groundhog day! Groundhog day! Circle was a cold one at the lake… brief intros, shitty somewhat erections and we were off! Orange was the new black, or white i mean.. painted spots marked the way. Climbing we went.. through shitty ice, across slippery roots, a small shot stop, over the hills and through the woods went to grandmas house, actually Polly’s cabin. There we found normal banter, shitty beer, lovely balls in the form of fake cheese, and some wonderful bourbon…. On on through the orchard and more snow filled shitty trail and climbing to the BAMBA lot for another beer stop. As I said in the start, its groundhog day, so backwards the crowd went, trudging up
That God awful driveway back to the cabin and finish… well……… three asshole newbs didnt quite follow that and went back to the lot to autohash to the cabin, just in time for circle and DFLs. Many ICE cold beers were down down’d and the young’n of the group took the most like a champ ( he did get a ride from nasty panties to foots, and she drove his car too) Anyway, thats it. It sucked, it was awesome, and it will happen again…. Because it was groundhogs day!!!!! On On
Just Mark


 RH3 #1084 The Old Fashioned Hash, pt. 3

The 3rd edition of the Old Fashioned Hash saw us gathering at Island Pizza for a necessary prelube. The place was awash with fervent, soon-to-be-disappointed Eagles fans. After a refreshing beverage or three, we carpooled up to the lot at Monocacy Hill for opening circle. Hares Cougar Bait and ToeFU gathered us by the picnic tables for circle. As instructions were given, the wind quickened and my nipples stiffened. The trail was designated as live so we watched the hares trot off as we sipped extra chilly beverages. At as close to the requested time as was customary in RH3, we set off to run down the intrepid hares. Almost immediately, trail veered upward, climbing the rocky path to the top of Monocacy Hill. There, we found the first SN, a lovely bottle of sweet bourbony goodness. Imbibing generously, I could feel the warmth spread to my stomach, then parts beyond. Picking our way down the boulders on the far side of the hill, ExCoGi and I decided our needs would be better served by following the turkey split. Warmed by the shelter of the trees and the bourbon's embrace, we gently made our way along smooth dirt trails, finally finding the second SN in a secluded glade by a soft waterfall. Huddling together, we sipped at the intoxicating beverage. We played a game to see who could secure the most cherries with their tongue. The sweet smell of shampoo from ExCoGi's hair was strangely exciting. Maybe it was the bourbon, but soon, all thoughts of trail were gone. And the rest...well, what happens on trail, stays on trail...
Deliciously,
Not Twat

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