Hash Trash 4

RH3 #11645 Where Da Gold At? Hash

Coming soon...

RH3 #1164 Sure to be a Sh!t Show Hash

Rolling into the parking lot at 1:55pm, Tilda looks at me and says “Rut Row Rorge”, as there were only 3 visible individuals at the on-on. Maybe the shit show comment scared folks off? That fear was quickly discarded as the parking lot filled with anxious hashers. 
 Crack gave a single flour mark at circle, the dreaded J check.
Off he ran with an 8 minute head-start on a live trail. He didn’t need 8 minutes. A huge circle jerk around Boscov’s provided ample time for his escape.  Thanks Alvie for making the building so big. The group was lead like sheep into the shiggy and delayed by a beer check, a mere 50’ from 422. 
 And the fun began. Down In Front became the first victim of a J check. A strategically placed second J check, less than 100 yds from the first claimed yours truly and Tilda. Off we trekked back to the end of the pack to disperse the Fireball treats. AA was the third victim and Teacher was number 4. All the J checks were within a 400 yd stretch. UGH!  Worst part, they were the 16.5 % not the 33’s. 
 Out of the woods and on to asphalt through the neighborhood. Started to thick Crack was smokin some the way the trail meandered. Damn, Klaperthal. Here we go, witches hat. NOT!
Some of the steepest and shiggy filled trails I have experienced in a very long time. It was good that Tilda had 4 paw drive. A second beer check was place at the top of the first vertical challenge. I was waiting to hear banjo music and pig squealing. Following deer trails, tree slapped flour marks and wandering hashers, the trail brought us down to West Neversink road near the Fire Company. A very long, straight road venture took us back to the cars and the HHH. 
 After Legal finished stretching in her trunk, the group circled and Breast Stroker did his best to keep control of the half-minds with an excellent Commander and Chief impression. Down-downs were done and swing low ended the day. 
 I’m sure Bruno’s was a festive apre locale. I took Tilda home for a bath and her dinner.
 A truly shitty trail Crack. Thumbs up
NFB

RH3 #1163 Old Fashioned Hash

Waiting on Packs Em In the Rear

RH3 #1162 Groundhog Day Hash

Waiting on Casting Couch

RH3 #1161 The Gary Coleman Hash

Waiting on Black Cox Matter

RH3 #1160 A View of the Red Roof Inn Hash

Waiting on Nut Nibbler

RH3 #1159 Holiday Death Wishes Hash

We gathered at Zia Maria’s in Adamstown on an unusually warm late December day. We had been promised rain, but instead got an overcast, breezy but “dry” day. Along with the usual suspects, a couple of West Coast hashers and their local sister were present. Another virgin, complete with large backpack and numerous weapon tattoos, was also introduced in circle. Hares Deathwish and Fire in the Hole explained markings and then set off to mark live. Moments later and properly lubricated, we followed. 

We exited out the back of Zia’s lot and immediately noticed that while it wasn’t raining any more, it was very very squishy. Between the 3-6” of standing water in the fields and the hares’ insistence on crossing every creek 6 times, dry feet were an impossibility. Several of us got separated from the group by a retention pond. No problem..we’ll just go around and meet them on the other side. Nope. Solid shiggy even a deer would have trouble pushing thru. Backtracking a bit, we were able to rejoin the pack, just in time to find our first BN. It was down off the shoulder of the highway and while cars couldn’t see us, tractor trailer drivers could peer down and witness our hydration. 

Heading out across yet another creek, we wove thru viney underbrush, finally breaking out into the open field paralleling the PA Turnpike. Were we in fact going to play a human version of Frogger?! Nope. Our hares had found a handy drainage tunnel under the heavily traveled road. Flowing water, 4’ ceiling, but no screeching tires and “splat!”. Emerging out the other side, trail turned back east. Reportedly, we missed a BN at a dilapidated bridge near there, but no one saw it, despite several hash crashes in the area. We reached Rt. 273 which crossed over the turnpike and followed markings to a False…uugh. Retracing our steps, trail was located and we paralleled 272 behind the diners and shops and back to our waiting hares at the HHH. 

Beverages were had, songs were sung (to the evident amusement of our virgins) and following the traditional “Swing Low”, we retired to Zia’s for more beer, pizza and annoyance of the locals. 

On On,
ToeFU

RH3 #1158 The Boilo Hash

Waiting on: LEGAL EASY

RH3 #1157 Santa Fucks the Hash

Santa Fu*ks the Hash#1157 Schlegel Park December 14th. 
Hares Dog Breath and no fucking brains. Gm Breast stroker 
Twas the day of the Santa Fucks the Hash. 
Hares Dog breath and NFB wasted no time   grabbing $20 a pop from about 40 some. Mostly all Christmas decorated. Bah Humbug to those who were not. Roll call was taken. Only 1 virgin. Poor guy turned as red as Santa’s sleigh when asked,who made you cum?oh well, only a virgin once. Some flour was thrown about and off we went. The sound of sleigh bells in the air. Soon to be followed by on-on. The pack quickly broke apart into 2 groups. You guessed it, front runners and walkers/runners. I believe our GM Breast stroker dressed as Santa, lead the charge on for the walkers. The only beer stop was very close to the finish. For gods sake, we could have dehydrated!Oh well let’s move right on-on to the HHH circle, atop a hill overlooking our fine city of Reading. Always a good idea to view from a safe distance. Our Gm did the best he could to fly thru all down-downs, accusations etc. knowing we wanted to be on our merry way. Down the hill to Pagoda City Brewery,where Santa,great beer and food would be. 12 days of Christmas (hasher version of course) was sung with beers hoisted high. Santa handed out gifts to all the very-very bad hashers and probably told the goody goodie’s to try harder next year. 
Happy New Year 
Ducky🦆

RH3 #1156 The Jimmy Buffet Hash

It started on a cold blustery very punctual circle, which doesn’t happen much in C-anal Street parking lot. General erections were given and we zigzag through the south side of the city to eventually come to southside cemetery where i was greeted with most of my deceased family from the 1800s. we found Boat drinks in an old burial vault/neglected graveside. More zigzag through Reading streets where Vanna blackout conversed openly with all the Español speaking residents of the city. Then we ran up the dangerous alley of broken dreams. Yes, there were knives, live wires, neglected pitbull‘s , bike parts, a lot of broken TVs and somebody’s complete wardrobe thrown in the alley. We finally managed to find the walkers who were happily drinking margaritas in a warm cozy parking garage on Chestnut Street. As we waited for the margarita van to pull up Opto struggled to parallel park. God knows how she got her license ! after our  very fulfilling Margaritas we headed down chestnut street to the Open acres of vacant lots followed by heading over to Penske Beach. The most sought after beach in Berks County. We froze our asses on Penske Beach. A lot of us relieve our bladders waiting for Legals arrival, DFL, she finally appeared after we were half frozen. down downs were had, songs were sung, followed by 2 mile run back to the cars at C-anal Street Parking lot.
Love u long time bitches!
Choo-choo 🚂🚂

RH3 #1155 The Stir-Up Sunday Hash

On a windy Sunday afternoon we met at the exquisite Blue Marsh Canteen. As legend has it there was a bridal shower with two women who were quite interested in hashing. The group exchanged some stories and they were hooked. After more conversation our group had to depart as the soon to be hashers continued brunching.

We circled up and had an out of towner with us. Dr. Meat Rocket graced us with his presence coming all the way south from Buffalo (BH3). Hashers don’t always follow migratory patterns so we lucked out because it was very fun to have him join. After names were announced our hare took off to lay trail live. 

Some time had passed and then the chase was on! We entered the nearby game lands to catch our hare. Most of us listened and wore orange to alert the nearby hunters. The trail was shorter than what we had expected Crack to lay, but there was definitely enough distance to lay two shot nears with delicious pudding shots and a beer near with a variety of expiration dates all of which had been passed. 

While traversing the terrain some of the runners got caught in the shiggy, One Knee found a secret message, and the walkers even caught our hare. 

After everyone crossed the HHH we all circled up. Accusations were made, beers were drank, and songs were sung. We finished the night with pizza and pitchers of beer at BMC where it all started. 

On-On!

Just Jeremy

RH3 #1154 Sesame Street Hash

Waiting on: URBAN DICK

RH3 #1153 Hashy Halloween

On a beautiful fall day a group of half minds and misfits gathered upon the beautiful overlook of Douglassville (Birdsboro/Union Township?).  All manners of costumes had assembled. A quick game off as the local park ranger admired the brilliance of RH3. Circle formed. Introductions and hash symbols were presented. A brief explanation to one of the hares as to what one of the marks he had laid signified.  General erection led us downhill. Trail was picked up but we all quickly remarked about the spacing of the marks. Perhaps foretelling…

Will they lead us all the way down the switchbacks?  Nope false, we are led off into a roughly mowed trail many didn’t know existed. Out to the woods edge and then along the perimeter. Does trail go into the briars?  A mark and then nothing. An upside down BN is spotted. Beers and blood procured. Discussions and pointers are had about how to get the blood from the IV bags. No one could suck hard enough so gravity shots it was. 

Trail continued around the briar perimeter as many drew blood from the crudely cut shiggy.  We had rejoined the switchbacks and continued to the main SRT trail. We headed west toward Fork & Ale hoping for another beer stop. The local school children again admired the happy bunch of half wits decked out in costume.   A check as we approached the road. 

What’s this? A sign proclaiming a special event ahead!  A quick photo op is had. A parade in our honor?  A beer festival?  Nope none of that.  Marks lead us down 724 and then UP Center. We climb. On-on’s ring out from the uphill FRB's. Finally a check to the right. On one. On two from the right and straight ahead.   Then on-on from further up the hill. The on two is abandoned and we climb. And climb and climb till the H’s are upon us. One beer check?  Where was the J check?  Where are the hares?  The half wits had outsmarted the hares. 

Others arrive and the hares come barreling in pondering how we had all reached the H’s so quickly. Discussions about where they had gone wrong. Lessons learned but we were all very thirsty from the death march up the hill. Circle is formed. More compliments from a boat shoed local going on a hike. Accusations, down downs, new songs. Hares redeem them selves at the apres with a huge spread at Island.   Another great hash

On-Out

International Man of Pleezure

RH3 #1152 Suburban Sunset Sh!tshow Hash

RH3 gets a boob job!!

Got your attention, didn’t it?? In this case we just got one done. And it’s fancy so we call it a Breast! It’s the first official hash of our new GM, Breast Stroaker. He honored us by haring his inaugural trail. And because he wanted to look like a good trail master and start filling the schedule, Peeter On A Skeeter joined the hare fun. 

About a dozen or so halfminds met up at Conrad Weiser East Elementary, excited because it’s been a while since we have all been allowed within 250 feet of an elementary school. In true western Berks style a cop drove by, but for some reason we had our wits about us and didn’t have any open containers. 

Choo Choo set the tone for the chilly Monday night run around Wernersville by wearing her Fet’s Luck tshirt. Unfortunately she didn’t show her upper assets to any trains…the conductors were Sucking Fcrewed!

On we went wrapping around the streets that Peeter used to drive his sexy turquoise camaro around on back in high school. We stumbled upon a BN and two Wernersville natives who were excited to reminisce on their former hippie and “other hash” enjoying days. They were cool though. Can’t be too bad, I married their son ;)

Through more neighborhoods and shiggy and falses and checks. We got a little off trail after crossing 422 and some of us missed the special shiggy and I think a water crossing. Instead we made our way to the second BN at the good ole Penn Werner, where I’m pretty sure we were the clientele with the most brains in a long time. Pitchers of shitty golden nectar were consumed. 
You think you’re going directly back Stitzer Rd to Breast’s house?? Kidding!! We wrapped and wrapped around the neighborhood running and yelling in the pitch dark like only us crazies knew how. The H’s were found, songs were sung, dogs drank beer, orange crunchy stuff was consumed, accusations were made, then we ended up at Paradise by the Slice where not long ago Pity Titty got her lovely name!

On On folks!

Pretty When I’m Drunk ❤

 RH3 #1151 40th Analversary Hash

Being that this hash was the day after the 50th trail of the Bimbopalooza/ Optopussy era, it was a small and slightly hungover group that met at the normal intersection of Plymouth Pl and Reading Blvd. 40 years of congregating at this corner on the same date and the neighborhood still hasn’t caught on. After the stink eye and some words from said neighbors, we gathered around to get instructions from our hares: Bad Semen and Dogbreath. Before chalk talk, Bad told us the story of the original hash and passed around a xeroxed copy of a photo from that first hash. These fine hashers started what I feel is the best Kennel in the land! Them, them… fuck them!!

Trail went into Wyomissing park where we eventually found a bottle of Fireball. After some cinnamon cheer, we moved along through the park and eventually found a beer near in the alley of Ginger and Down in Front’s house. Kind of them to let us use their driveway, smart of them to not leave us a key for the house…. Trail finished in a muggle’s back yard, but luckily this muggle was related to Horn so she knew what she was getting in to. After glorious songs and accusations, one last Swing Low lead by Optopussy, now I could say I was truly “on-out” for leading circle and doing GM things! 

Apres at Mangia, was followed by returning to Opto and Too-Menanite’s house to kick the keg from the 50th the night before. Wouldn’t you know it, we were successful in that endeavor.

Thanks to those before us and cheers to those that follow us!! Happy Anal!

On- Out,

Opto